Wednesday, March 24, 2010

The Calamitous Tragedie of Carey Price

Told in Five Acts

Act I:
We begin in medias res, as the young, confident Prince-in-waiting Carey Price wins the champeenship of the AHL, taking MVP honors. Price is then rushed to the magical land of Montreal before he may be quite ready, backing up Cristobal Huet. There are rumors he may gain the crown. The people have been in mourning ever since their past king, or as they refer to him in their tongue, le roi, passed on, many years ago. They are eager for a new king to guide them.

Act II:
Price plays decently, but has his ups and downs, as any rookie does. On one particular night, he is shellacked for three quick goals. He gets the hook and watches Huet win in the biggest comeback the kingdom has ever known. Not long after that, Huet is traded, making Price the King of the land. There are rumors and legends of the once-and-future King, and it is obvious that the wise council of elders, including one who knew the past king, believe Price to be The One. They have read the blogs and listened to the soothsayers on the radio, and they believe the time for The Cup is at hand.

Act III:
The newly anointed King Price struggles in the playoffs, as he is still young and completely unprepared for the burden of Kingship. He fails to conjure miracles or playoff wins as the prophecies said, and the team eventually loses. He then has an up-and-down season, topped off by a disastrous first-round sweep to the minions of the realm of evil, Boston. In a cruel twist of fate, the death of the previous King is re-enacted at the end of this terrible defeat.

Act IV:
King Price begins the next season struggling, and eventually is forced to cede his throne to the regent, Jaro Halak. Price suffers yet further humiliation as he gets an occasional start in place of Halak, plays superbly, only to lose every single time. His men betray him by playing well for Halak, but refusing to win for Price. In one game, he goes out among his men in disguise, dressed as a different goalie wearing different pads and a different mask. The deception works, and he is about to lead his mean to a shutout victory until the final minutes. His teammates discover the ruse and unleash their own plot to sabotage the match and make Price the loser. As Price skates off the ice, he sayeth, "Et tu, O'Byrne?"

Act V:
We see the saddened, broken King Price playing out the remaining years on his contract. The commoners storm the castle and demand King Price be sent into exile, since he has not lived up to the prophecies and outrageous predictions of the muttering sages of The Media. The council of elders, which had been duped into believing in the prophecies, are left with no choice but to let Price go via free agency/trade. There is an obscure ending, in which we see that Price may yet become king in another distant land and lead the people to The Cup, but it will never be in the magical land of Montreal. This brings our sad, woeful tale to...


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