Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Just over 24 hours until...

...Bob Gainey does nothing. But one thing he HAS done is to make it clear to Saku Koivu, despite his 16 years of dedication to the team and the city, that he is not worth a contract.

The first day of Free Agency has always been a holiday for me. I look forward to it and the trade deadline with almost as much anticipation and excitement as Christmas. But lately Montreal has been bringing the coal big time.

I will be bringing you a special report on my obsolete jerseys (once they become such) once we're in the middle of UFA season. Hint, two of them start with K on the back.

Monday, June 29, 2009

Today's award

The Soon-to-be-Named-after-its-First-Recipient Trophy:
Awarded to the team that has no business being in its current location

The nominees are:

The Nashville Predators

Hockey in Tennessee = no fans, and a substantial drain on revenue sharing. This team comes dangerously close to the MINIMUM spending the NHL requires in order to for them to steal money from real times like Montreal, Boston, Toronto, et al. That's right folks. Every time you buy a hat with a B or CH, or a Milan Lucic or Henrik Zetterberg jersey, you're giving money to Nashville.

The Phoenix Coyotes

Gary Bettman's quixotic quest to bring hockey to the desert, and to fans that don't, and never will exist, has been a catastrophe. As above, when you buy merchandise for your original six team, that money gets divvied up by teams you couldn't give a shit about.

The Tampa bay Lightning

What? The Lightning are having attendance problems? I'm shocked. Really. All those fans who came out of the woodwork when they went on that Cup run in 2004, claiming they'd been fans all along, they're not going to games anymore? Inconceivable. But don't you dare call them fair-weather fans, oh no.

Friday, June 26, 2009

Today's awards:

The Claude Lemieux Trophy:
awarded to the league's biggest pansy for acts of cowardice and gutlessness.

The Alexei Yashin Memorial Trophy:
awarded to the league's most overpaid player

The nominees are:

Sean Avery
I hesitate to mention him since I feel any discussion about him only encourages him to behave like an ass, and is thus self-defeating. Like my mother says, "don't try to teach a pig to sing. It wastes your time, annoys the pig, and you wind up covered in shit." Or, "don't get into a pissing contest with a skunk."
Oh well, here it is:


Sidney Crosby
This kid in no way deserves to be the captain of an NHL team, as this cheap shot from this season proves.


Milan Lucic
As we are a Habs-Bruins blog, it's time to throw some love Boston's way. See the top right photo in the blog for the reason why he's nominated. Debate his decision to duck Laraque all you want, but remember this: Cam Neely never backed down from anyone, especially when specifically invited to dance. I metaphorically stand over you shouting and beating my chest, Milan.





Special shout out to the folks at www.nhlnumbers.com for breaking down the salaries. Check it out as we approach UFA season.

Rick DiPietro

Not one of the absolute highest-paid players, but his contract goes until 2021, at a cap hit of 4.5 million each season. Add to that the fact that he's never played a full season (after signing the contract) due to injury or illness, and you've got a goalie whose contract is absolutely ludicrous.


Vincent Lecavalier

09-10 Cap hit: 7.727 Million.
09-10 Salary: 10 Million.
15-16 Salary: 10 Million.
This guy weighs down his team with his ridiculous salary. It makes trading him an uphill battle, and makes the team worse since they can't spend money on decent teammates.


Brad Richards

Another glorious example of Tampa's idiotic management, Richards's contract is bloated beyond belief. A cap hit of 7.8 million per season, with 16 goals, 32 assists, and a -4 rating to show for the 2008-2009 season. If he doesn't get his ass in gear before he becomes a UFA at the end of the 10/11 season, he's due for a major lifestyle adjustment.

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Today's award

The Gorton's Fisherman Memorial Trophy:
awarded for the league's worst uniform


This one will be a lot of fun. Some great candidates here, also a great opportunity to show off the award's namesake. A Google search of 'We want fishsticks' turned this up as the first result:














Special thanks to Gary Bettman and Reebok for making this a tough decision, since more teams than ever before were in the running due to the Edge jersey redesign.


This year's nominees are:

The Atlanta Thrashers




First they go from a handsome navy blue uniform to those ugly-ass baby blues. Now they've introduced a third jersey that has nothing to do with their team colors whatsoever. Ugly as hell, and completely nonsensical.

------------------------------
The Montreal Canadiens













Ouch. Retro is cool and all, but these uniforms are from an era before televised games. Best to leave the past in the past with these.

-------------------------

The New York Islanders













What was wrong with the old uniforms? Answer: Nothing. So the Islanders did what they do best, completely ruining what was fine to begin with. It looks like the circus is in town every time the Islanders play.

Today's award:

The Mario Tremblay memorial Trophy:
awarded to the league's worst coach

The nominees are:

Guy Carbonneau/Bob Gainey









Where to begin? Carbonneau's idea of good coaching was to shuffle lines at the first hint of trouble. Rather than letting linemates develop chemistry, he made sure no one got comfortable, and in the end, made players so nervous about making mistakes that they were completely unwilling to play creatively. Gainey was not much better, failing to rally the team after Carbonneau's firing.

-----------------

Wayne Gretzky












Perhaps there needs to be an addendum to the saying, "Those who can't, teach." Maybe we also need to say, "Those who can, can't teach." Gretzky was capable of doing it all, but seems unable to teach his players how to do much of anything. It doesn't help that Phoenix seems to have a bit of a reputation as a country-club for players who want to live in a nice warm climate, play golf, sit by the pool, hang out with the Great One, and play hockey once in a while.

-------------------

Michel Therrien












The facts speak for themselves. The Penguins were five points out of a playoff spot when he was fired. They went on to win the Stanley Cup under Dan Bylsma.

Monday, June 22, 2009

Habs Sold

Just when I got used to calling it Le Centre Bell, it's probably going to go back to being Le Centre de Bad Beer. Too bad I'm much more fond of Labatt Bleu.
In any case, we now get to see what bullshit excuse Bob Gainey will come up with for doing jack shit about all his UFAs. Oh, the suspense.

Today's award:

The Barry Melrose Trophy:
awarded to the league's most obnoxious douchebag broadcaster

The nominees are:

Mike Emrick

Not a frontrunner, but conspicuous throughout this year's playoffs. As such, he deserves scrutiny when he CANNOT pronounce the names of the players.

Jack Edwards

One of the worst homers in the world of broadcasting. Jack Edwards seems to hear something and then he runs with it, using the same phrase over and over and over again, usually inappropriately, such as saying "he takes the body" when the player in question is actually the one being hit, or just stupidly, as in every single wide shot is a "deliberate" wide shot.

Rick Jeanerette


SCOOOOOORRRRRAAAAAAGHGHGHHHHHHHHH-cough-cough-gasp-wheeze. Simply put, every time the Sabres score, folks think/hope he's going to have a heart attack.

Friday, June 19, 2009

Today's award

The Gary Bettman Trophy:
awarded for the league's worst management


The nominees are:


The Montreal Canadiens








Montreal went into this year's offseason with ten unrestricted free agents. Bob Gainey has exercised his usual laziness (often mistaken for patience), claiming that he cannot do anything until the team has a new owner. This has not stopped him from hiring a mediocre coach, however, invited collective head-scratching for such a hypocritical move. Combined with an annual unwillingness to help the team make a playoff push come the trade deadline, and waiting until it was far too late to fire a coach who should never have been hired, Montreal can be considered one of the worst-managed teams in the NHL.

------------------------------

The New York Islanders











A team that has been badly managed for over two decades, the Islanders scream "bush-league." A General Manager who was hired from the backup-goalie's spot on the bench and a starting (and usually injured) goalie due to become a UFA in 2021, make the Islanders a joke.

--------------------------------

The Tampa Bay Lightning











A bloated contract for Vincent Lecavalier is only the tip of the iceberg in Tampa. The Lightning's management is so dysfunctional, they fired a coach for Lecav, hired another, only to fire him 16 games into the season. The team is effectively run by Lecavalier, and is being run into the ground.

Thursday, June 18, 2009

Today's award:

The Alexandre Daigle Memorial Trophy:
awarded to the league's most overrated player
(Not to be confused with the most overPAID player)

The nominees are:

Carey Price








Price was brought into Montreal with as much hype as possible, and proceeded to play decently in his first NHL season. Then, Bob Gainey traded Montreal's #1 goalie, Cristobal Huet, in order to put the youngster in the impossibe position of leading the team through the playoffs. Montreal's own management bought into the hype, and Price surprised no one when he failed to become Patrcik Roy. Now, Montreal has a problem as the kid is suffering from being pushed too hard too fast.

---------------

Mats Sundin










A player who has never been able to lead his team to playoff success, Vancouver brought him in for a season to play with several other overrated Swedes. The result? A second-round exit from the playoffs. Sundin does not quite qualify as one of the most overpaid, but is certainly one of the most overrated players, partly because of the eternity it took him to end the wild speculation as to where he would sign.

--------------

Marty Turco








Always a reliable player during the regular-season (until this year), Turco is also known for spectacularly mediocre play during the playoffs. He is the opposite of Chris Osgood in every way. Dallas continued to shoot themselves in the foot by trading Mike Smith to Tampa Bay in the blockbuster that brought in Brad Richards, leaving Turco as the undisputed and undeserving starter.

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Today's award:

The Late 90's Rangers Memorial Cup
awarded to the league's most overrated team

The nominees are:

The Calgary Flames

A team that has been a perennial disappointment ever since their Cup run in 2004. It's time to finally set expectations at a more reasonable level. Jarome Iginla and Mikka Kiprusoff are not enough to get this team through the playoffs.

------------------------

The Philadelphia Flyers


Full of overrated players, the Flyers problems have always started (and will continue to start for the foreseeable future) in goal. Philadelphia management has always left the goaltending for last, a strategy that has never worked. This upcoming year's starter, Ray Emery, will only be the latest in a long list of sub-par goalies to start in Philly.

-----------------------

The San Jose Sharks

President's trophy. Out in the first round.

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

The First Annual Kovy Awards!

Today we begin a two-week journey as we head into Free Agency. Each day we will announce the finalists for another award. Today we begin with:


The Jerry Seinfeld Trophy:

awarded to the most obnoxious, asshole fans in the league.

The nominees are:
The Carolina Hurricanes





Hurricanes fans have made a name for themselves as some of the least well-informed yet most overly-opinionated fans in the league in recent years. A Stanley Cup championship spurred their fans to arrive at the conclusion that since the team is excellent, then they the fans must be in the right as well. Known for such gems as calling Montreal's logo a "Habitron," the inarticulate and ignorant chant of "Ref, you suck," and that annoying-as-fuck "Woo-hoo!" before EVERY SINGLE GODDAMNED FACEOFF.
-----------------------------
The Montreal Canadiens



Montreal fans are in a league of their own as far as assholishness is concerned. (Partly)responsible for sending Patrick Roy packing, they love to get on players who disappoint. The most egregious example came during Montreal's last game this season, when fans gave Carey Price a little taste of what Patrick Roy got in his last game in Montreal. To top it off, some of the "fans" continued to boo the team after the game was over and the players were at center ice saluting the crowd.
----------------------------
The Philadelphia Flyers





What more needs to be said of a team whose fans boo opposition players who have been hurt? Flyers fans seem to think that dirty and tough are synonyms. If it results in the injury of an opponent, be it a high stick to the face (Eric Lindros ad nauseum), hits from behind, or slew-footing, it must qualify a Flyer as a throwback to the "Broad Street Bullies." Flyers fans would do well to remember that Daniel Briere plays for them.

Scores and Standings, belated championship edition

BoK is the new champeen of the champeenship!
Congrats to me wife, and to Derek, whose wedding tore me away from web access.

Stay tuned folks. Lots to follow, including the announcement of the finalists for the KK awards!


1) Bride of Kovalev: 179 (177)
Marian Hossa (F, Det) 0
Henrik Zetterberg (F, Det) 0
Evgeni Malkin (F, Pit) A,W=2


2) Geoff: 167 (165)
Johan Franzen (F, Det) 0
Bill Guerin (F, Pit) W=1
Niklas Lidstrom (D, Det) A=1


3) Derek: 151 (150)
Sidney Crosby (F, Pit) W=1


4) Number 31: 120 (117)
Chris Kunitz (F, Pit) A,W=2
Sergei Gonchar (D, Pit) W=1


5) P-Stone: 103
Pavel Datsyuk (F, Det) 0
Brian Rafalski (D, Det) 0
Niklas Kronwall (D, Det) 0

Sunday, June 14, 2009

Yeah yeah, I know

Penguins win the Cup, Bride of Kovalev wins the pool. More to follow. I'm on vacation in Boston for Derek's wedding, so I'm just using the business center of my hotel to let y'all know I didn't fall off the face of the earth.

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

In case you feel like e-mailing NBC

And letting them know just how you feel about their refusal to allow Detroit and Pittsburgh fans to watch the Stanley Cup games together, here it is:

nbcsportshelp@nbcuni.com

NBC to Pittsburgh, Detroit fans: Fuck you.

Three words for NBC: Fuck you too.
In case you missed it, NBC refused to allow its NHL coverage to be shown in the Joe Louis Arena last night. Usually crowds will go to their home arena to see their boys play away during really big games (like the potentially deciding game of the Stanley Cup Finals), but NBC refused to allow that, stating very honestly that they cared more about ratings than being decent human beings. Friday night will be the same for Pittsburgh fans, as they will have to stay home if they want to see the game.

Oh, and Gary Bettman? Fuck you too. You killed an entire season to get the rid of the director of the NHLPA. You think you could apply a LITTLE leverage to allow hockey fans to have the chance to watch their team with a bunch of like-minded individuals? Don't you think this might help generate revenue? But no, you're willing to bend over and take it up the ass (and take all the fans along for the ride) for a tiny televsion contract. You're a fucking crack whore, Bettman.



1) Bride of Kovalev: 177
(176)
Marian Hossa (F, Det) 0
Henrik Zetterberg (F, Det) 0
Evgeni Malkin (F, Pit) W=1


2) Geoff: 165 (163)
Johan Franzen (F, Det) 0
Bill Guerin (F, Pit) W=1
Niklas Lidstrom (D, Det) A=1


3) Derek: 150 (149)
Sidney Crosby (F, Pit) W=1


4) Number 31: 117 (115)
Chris Kunitz (F, Pit) W=1
Sergei Gonchar (D, Pit) W=1


5) P-Stone: 103
Pavel Datsyuk (F, Det) 0
Brian Rafalski (D, Det) 0
Niklas Kronwall (D, Det) 0

Monday, June 8, 2009

Scores and Standings 6/8

Anyone thinking Hossa made the wrong choice now? This thing still seems far from over though, as the series heads back to Pittsburgh where it seems the Penguins could easily win. It all seems to hinge on home ice.

As far as I'm concerned, I'm at the equivalent of being down 0-3 in the series, down by two goals with 1:30 left to play in game four, with the goalie pulled for the extra attacker. I'll hope for the best, but it looks like it's all over.



1) Bride of Kovalev: 176 (170)
Marian Hossa (F, Det) A,W=2
Henrik Zetterberg (F, Det) G,A,W=4
Evgeni Malkin (F, Pit) 0


2) Geoff: 163 (159)
Johan Franzen (F, Det) A,W=2
Bill Guerin (F, Pit) 0
Niklas Lidstrom (D, Det) A,W=2


3) Derek: 149
Sidney Crosby (F, Pit) 0


4) Number 31: 115
Chris Kunitz (F, Pit) 0
Sergei Gonchar (D, Pit) 0


5) P-Stone: 103 (93)
Pavel Datsyuk (F, Det) 2A,W=3
Brian Rafalski (D, Det) G,A,W=4
Niklas Kronwall (D, Det) G,W=3

Friday, June 5, 2009

Scores and Standings 6/5

Ok that does it. I'm officially pissed at Lidstrom and Franzen. SCORE, you assholes! And Guerin, if I see you miss one more wide open back door play I will drive to Pittsburgh and punch you in the face.
Who knows who'll win? One thing's for sure, my wife is going to win this pool. And I will never ever live it down.


1) Bride of Kovalev: 170 (165)
Marian Hossa (F, Det) 0
Henrik Zetterberg (F, Det) A=1
Evgeni Malkin (F, Pit) G,A,W=4


2) Geoff: 159 (158)
Johan Franzen (F, Det) 0
Bill Guerin (F, Pit) W=1
Niklas Lidstrom (D, Det) 0


3) Derek: 149 (145)
Sidney Crosby (F, Pit) G,A,W=4


4) Number 31: 115 (112)
Chris Kunitz (F, Pit) A,W=2
Sergei Gonchar (D, Pit) W=1


5) P-Stone: 93 (92)
Pavel Datsyuk (F, Det) 0
Brian Rafalski (D, Det) A=1
Niklas Kronwall (D, Det) 0

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

Scores and Standings 6/3



Six! Six Penguins! Ah ah ah!
(Special thanks to Paul Devorski, Dennis LaRue,
Derek Amell, and Pierre Racicot for another night of craptastic officiating.)

The Penguins made it a series last night, but I didn't see either of the third-period goals 'cause I was in bed by then. WTF is up with these 8 pm starts?


1) Bride of Kovalev: 165 (158)
Marian Hossa (F, Det) 0
Henrik Zetterberg (F, Det) G,A=3
Evgeni Malkin (F, Pit) 3A,W=4


2) Geoff: 158 (154)
Johan Franzen (F, Det) G,A=3
Bill Guerin (F, Pit) W=1
Niklas Lidstrom (D, Det) 0


3) Derek: 145 (143)
Sidney Crosby (F, Pit) A,W=2


4) Number 31: 112 (107)
Chris Kunitz (F, Pit) W=1
Sergei Gonchar (D, Pit) G,A,W=4


5) P-Stone: 92 (91)
Pavel Datsyuk (F, Det) 0
Brian Rafalski (D, Det) 0
Niklas Kronwall (D, Det) A=1

Monday, June 1, 2009

Welcome to The Nation of Kiss-My-Antheia...Population...You!!!!

That's a BAD situation in Hab-Land right now. It brings back memories (more like nightmares) of the Mike O'Connell days.

On another note the NHL dropped the ball BIG TIME this weekend. First, switching game 2 from Monday night to Sunday night so NBC can have their lame-ass prime time shows was a mistake. This is the fricken final cup finals! Some one is going to be hauling around that big ass trophy at the end of this. So lets play games 1 and 2 on back to back nights! Do you know how much an NHL team makes after the revenue sharing with NBC? Only $100,000 fricken dollars! That's absurd! MLB teams make well north of 1 million with fox.

Second, the NHL NOT suspending Malkin for instigating a fight with 18 seconds left in game 2. Why have the rule in play if you are not going to follow the rules? Its bc the NHL doesn't want one of its top stars to showcase sitting out in the leagues most important series. I can guarantee you that if this was Nicholas Kronwall that we are talking about, this is a totally different story. More proof that Gary Bettman needs to go. This guy is a f*cktard!

By the way Geoff, I forgot to call you back last week. I have been so busy with last minute preparations for the wedding and fixing up the apartment that it slipped. Sorry! But to answer your question, we are actually not registered anywhere. We didn't feel comfortable asking for this and that so we decided not to register. Whatever guests give will be greatly appreciated whether some type of house gift, cash, gift card, etc. By the way, it looks like the Playoff Pool Trophy is staying in the White house this year!

Scores and Standings 6/1

OK so Jacques Martin is the new coach of the Canadiens. Life gets better and better. Meanwhile, Bob Gainey is using the lack of a new owner as an excuse for his doing jack-shit about all the UFAs-to-be. Can someone tell Bob Gainey that he needs to grow a pair and start being the GM of the Habs? His excuse that 'the new owner may want to go in a new direction' is bullshit. The only direction that matters is winning. Last time I checked, it wasn't the owner that made hockey decisions. The owner hires the GM to run the team. So Bob, start running the fucking team, already! And the lack of a new owner hasn't stopped Gainey from hiring a (bad) coach, so what's the difference?

I honestly hope the new owner decides to fire Gainey, because every time he HAS made a decision, it's been a bad one. I've gone extremely in-depth with that in the past and I don't need to repeat myself here.


1) Bride of Kovalev: 158 (152)
Marian Hossa (F, Det) 2A,W=3
Henrik Zetterberg (F, Det) W=1
Evgeni Malkin (F, Pit) G=2


2) Geoff: 154 (151)
Johan Franzen (F, Det) W=1
Bill Guerin (F, Pit) A=1
Niklas Lidstrom (D, Det) W=1


3) Derek: 143
Sidney Crosby (F, Pit) 0


4) Number 31: 107
Chris Kunitz (F, Pit) 0
Sergei Gonchar (D, Pit) 0


5) P-Stone: 91 (88)
Pavel Datsyuk (F, Det) W=1
Brian Rafalski (D, Det) W=1
Niklas Kronwall (D, Det) W=1