Thursday, July 1, 2010

Free Agency special report!

Breaking News:
The Toronto Maple Leafs have signed yet another douchebag, giving them a near-monopoly on prickish assholes in the NHL. Colby Armstrong is the latest giraffe-turd brain to join the team of bitch-asses.

When asked to comment, GM Brian Burke said, "That's just how we roll. I'm a card-carrying fuck-knuckle prick, so naturally I'm inclined to sign players of equal ass-baggery. We fully believe Colby will be a valuable addition to our squadron of flying fuck-tards."

Armstrong is only the latest in a long line of jackalope-asses who will have had the honor of wearing the fabled Blue and White that so many whore-biscuits have worn before. Previous legendary prick-faces included Jason Blake, Darcy Tucker, Michael Peca, and Ed Belfour.

"We haven't had what it takes to be world-class champion assholes," said Brian Burke. "We missed out on Matthew Barnaby and Sean Avery. This move is the first step to our return to the top of the league of galactic douchemonkeys."

Burke gave no hint as to whether he plans on eventually signing Maxim Lapierre.

1 comment:

Number31 said...

They've also drafted a bunch of pricks this year too. Oh well, the more in the penalty box, the more powerplays to score on.