Wha happen?

Ok, so let's see:

Habs lose to the Islanders. They lose to the Oilers. They lose the Heritage Classic, barely bothering to play at all in one of the most over-hyped games of the year.

And then...

They beat the best team in the Western Conference.

Huh?

I posted an article a few weeks ago about tradition in Montreal. Here's another tradition: The Canadiens play down to the worst teams in the league, and play up to the level of the best ones. And that's not a compliment. It's baffling.

So the immediate result is the Habs stay at sixth in the East. What it means for the long term, I give up. This team defies all classification: a defensive-minded coach who can't coach defense, a speedy team built for offense spinning its wheels in that useless defensive system, a team plagued with injuries and yet still chugging along, a team whose veterans are providing ZERO leadership and whose rookies are leading the way...it's a mystery. Predicting what this team will do in the next five games is hard enough, to say nothing of the playoffs (should they even get there, which is anyone's guess).

So I throw up my hands. This last week I've been threatening to become a fan of the as-of-yet uncertain Quebec Nordiques. But after last night, I'm cheering, "Go Habs Go, I Guess."

A (belated) Christmas Carol

"A person is smart. People are dumb"

I am quoting Men in Black because it seems an appropriate way to introduce my dealings with Don Cherry. 

How many of us have been less-than-courteous to anonymous people, especially when driving? We don't know the person in the next car--he's anonymous. We can attribute the worst traits of the human race to him without having those preconceptions challenged. Try getting into a conversation with him, and the picture changes. 

I had a very interesting Christmas. Two months ago, I received this:

And this: 

And this:

Please Note: I used photoshop to blur my name. The physical originals are very much intact and unedited. 

My mom sent him a letter saying that I was a big fan, and when I was in college I had gotten my two roommates into hockey, and had always enjoyed watching his segment. And that's all true. While in recent years I've been dismayed by some of his opinions (especially when it comes to PK Subban), I still watch Coach's Corner religiously, and agree wholeheartedly with what he has to say about Gary Bettman. 

I watched Hockey Day in Canada this past weekend, and saw Don sign a kid's poster as he made his way to center ice. During a break they ran a segment of him going to a kid's house, giving him gifts, and then signing his wall. Let's be clear about this: Don is aware of his celebrity status, and knows that his autograph goes a long way towards making someone's day a whole lot brighter.

Michael Vick just spent the weekend in Atlanta where he was signing autographs for $100 each. 

One Hundred Dollars. 

Meanwhile, Don got a a letter from some lady in Pennsylvania asking for an autograph for her post-college-age son. And he sent three personalized messages. (And his little dog too!)

So I want to say: Thank you, Don. You had no idea who I was, except that I was an anonymous adult who lives in the US. And you made the effort to give me something you had no obligation to give. 

I got to know a lot about the kind of person Don Cherry is this Christmas. So, while the Christmas season may be over, it's always a good time to reflect on the lessons we learn from it. 

As Fred Hollywell put it, 

"I’ve always thought of Christmastime as a good time, a kindly, forgiving, charitable time; a time when men and women seem, by one consent, to open their shut-up hearts freely to their fellow creatures."

Once again, Thank you Don. From now on, I intend to be more charitable too.

Dear Tronna Media,

I don't care how many times you jerked off to the "Beantown Beat-down", as you guys at the CBC and TSN are calling it.

When it comes to comparing your beloved Maple Leafs to the Habs, here are the facts:

• Our goalie is better. 
• Our Defense is better (and that's REALLY saying something about how shitty yours is)
• Our forwards are better.
• PK Subban took Joffrey Lupul's lunch money, took his girlfriend, and told him his momma was ugly.
• Our depth is better.
• Our chances of making the playoffs...well, shit, they actually exist. Leafs? Try as much chance as Lloyd Christmas has of banging Mary Swanson.

So, whether Montreal is better than Boston is up for debate. Whether they are light years ahead of the perennially delusional Leafs, well, that's not up for debate.


Leafs suck. Their media had best get hip to that fact.

Oh and Patches laughs at your Luke Schenn. Laughs from his mountain.

Jacques Martin: the new enigma

Jacques Martin likes to think he's a defensive coach. He tries to make his team play a defensive system. He talks a lot about the importance of defense. There's just one problem: the Montreal Canadiens suck at defense.

It seems the Habs play excellent hockey only when they're down a goal or two. As we saw last night, The Canadiens are absolutely terrible when it comes to defending a lead, even against the lowly New York Islanders. What we saw last night should not be tolerated by ANY coach, much less one who preaches defensive responsibility as much as Martin does.
But we've seen this all season long.
So what's the problem?
Martin is just as enigmatic and puzzling as Alexei Kovalev was on his worst nights.
One of two things is happening during Canadiens practices: either the team is or isn't working on defense. Whatever the case may be, this much is obvious:

Jacques Martin can't coach worth a damn.

Whatever he's doing, it's obviously not working. And there's only so much time before we have to collectively say, we've given him enough time to teach the team how to play. If he hasn't accomplished it by now, it's not going to happen.

I don't care if his team has a lot of injuries. I don't care if his players are unwilling to learn.
Something has to change. Either Martin has to start teaching them how to be responsible in their own end, or he has to adjust his system to suit the players he has. If he's unable to do either of those things, then why does he still have a job? If he's unable to make his players care, then we need someone who can.

Habs management is not innocent in this. We can only watch Roman Hamrlik coast by opposing players who are camped out by the net so many times before we ask why he has a job. If veterans like Hamrlik and Scott Gomez can't be bothered to learn how to play responsibly, then it's time to send them down to the minors and call up some younger players who may be able to learn.

But that brings us back to Martin again. What guarantees do we have that Martin will do even a remotely satisfactory job in teaching a youngster how to play defensively?


A lot has been written and said about Pierre Gauthier and his first full year as General Manager of the Canadiens. I will reserve judgement, because Bob Gainey's legacy is still too much a factor to judge Gauthier objectively. Two of Gainey's biggest mistakes, Scott Gomez and Jacques Martin, were not Gauthier's doing, and therefore not his fault. The problem is, Gauthier has to work with the team he inherited, and it's hard to operate under the weight of such two massive albatrosses.

And Martin is indeed an albatross. Watching the Canadiens play this week was like watching pee-wee hockey. But Martin is not  pee-wee coach. He has made a career of stressing defense. But it sure as hell doesn't show.

I'll make a final proposal: trade Jacques Martin for Alexei Kovalev. The Senators can have back the coach who never got them to the Cup final (someone else managed that feat with the perennially-favored Sens), and the Habs can have back the enigmatic winger who frustrated everyone.

Hell, at least when Kovy was good, he was awesome. Jacques Martin really isn't that good a defensive coach even on his best days.

That was...interesting

I had band practice last night, so I got to miss the game as it happened. Lucky for me that instead of hearing Jack Edwards foaming at the mouth trying to be a boxing announcer (which he sucks at), I was instead playing some good old bluegrass. (Yeah, I'm a hick. Get over it.)

I'm sure Jack Edwards scored the Price-Thomas affair as a solid win for Timmy, and that he firmly thinks David Krejci and Andrew Ference did NOT get their respective asses handed to them.

Sure, Hamr, Spacek, and Pyatt were outmatched, but that happens in games like this where everyone fights.

On the positive, Montreal is standing up for themselves against the likes of Chara, Thornton, and Lucic. I'll gladly take Boston's only win so far against Montreal this season (out of four so far) and a split decision on the fight card, than a Habs win and seeing them get pummeled in every fight, like in years past. 

On the negative, Montreal squandered an opportunity to tie Boston in the standings, and the defense was NOWHERE to be seen. Gomez was at his usual tricks, playing soft on any Bruin that came near him, and the rest of the forwards followed suit with a pathetic display of defensive responsibility.

The highlights, such as they were, were entertaining, and it was good to see some beat-downs come from Montreal players. We'll file this one away as a wild one, and get back to the business of playing the low-scoring, Jacques Martin "system" tonight against those lovable, laughable Islanders. (But seriously, Habs: you guys fuck this up tonight, I will find you, and as #31 says, I will cut you.)

Ah well. Enjoy this one Jack Edwards...Every game you call sounds exactly the same. Last night, the play on the ice actually mirrored the crazy shit you've been saying all these years. I'mma let you have this moment.




Moment's over. STFU.

Why bother?

For you people in charge of making the NHL schedule each year, I have this suggestion:

Don't schedule any games between the Montreal Canadiens and the New Jersey Devils.

Have the Canadiens play 78 games, and start the season with a 0-4-0 record. That way they don't have to waste the time, money, and material in playing four games that are automatic losses anyway. I hesitate to use the word "play," as the Canadiens don't really ever do anything that resembles playing hockey when they're up against the Devils. The only thing in question during Devils-Habs games is whether Montreal will have another player injured--and we can skip that, thank you very much.

On the reverse, New Jersey can start the season 4-0-0 and also play only 78 games. See? Everyone wins.

If The Habs management* doesn't like the idea of losing two home games worth of tickets and revenue, then imagine how we fans feel, and STOP FUCKING LOSING TO THE DEVILS!




* Devils management won't notice a loss in revenue on their side, since no one goes to Devils games anyway.

A little perspective

For all my bitching about the Canadiens management, it could be worse. A lot worse. Hell, we could be Islanders fans.


We'd have to deal with this. 

By the way, ESPN's demise has come much sooner than I expected if that's the kind of voice talent they're employing these days.

Let's talk tradition

"Most storied franchise." That phrase has been bandied about so much, it's a wonder there isn't a drinking game concerning it. Lately, here is what the storyline involves:

• "Have a nice trip, see you next fall." Montreal has developed a tradition of going on a horrible, losing road trip at the end of December, when the circus comes to town. Really? Is this the Roanoke Valley Rebels that the team has to pack up and leave while a bunch of elephants and cotton-candy-faced little children run screaming through the arena? Who's in charge here? This is the Montreal Canadiens. It's time to man up and tell the circus they'll have to reschedule. The Bell Centre should be on the Habs' schedule, not vice-versa. The circus's annual visit does not help the team, and this particular annual tradition must stop. Now.
• 
  
• "You gotta fight for your right to play in April." We can count on seeing Montreal in a fight for a playoff spot around this time of the year. That has a lot to do with the aforementioned losing streak and how the team has to spend the rest of the season pulling itself out of the hole. But whatever the cause, it's become a predictable sight: Montreal hovers around 8th place right until the last day of the regular season. My family and I always get in an argument over Thanksgiving dinner--that doesn't mean it's a tradition worth holding onto, and neither is this one.
• 
  
• D-fence! Lately, Montreal coaches have been all about against-type casting. Here we have this great team built for speed and attack, and yet the players are asked to play like the New Jersey Devils. And they're no damn good at it.
• 
  
• "Addition by subtraction." Remember the drinking game I mentioned? Here's another key phrase that should put lots of folks in the hospital for alcohol poisoning. While the Mike Ribeiro-Janne Niinimaa trade was the best example, we've seen too many trades go one way, ostensibly to dump salary. And while the jury's still out on Lars Eller, all signs point to the fact that we should have gotten a lot more for Jaro Halak. (Note: I will categorically state that trading Halak was the right move. However, trading him for a used puck bag was NOT the right move.)
• 
  
• "O Captain! Bye, Captain." Carbonneau. Muller. Damphousse. Koivu. Whatever did these poor souls do to piss off management that they were handed their hats and shown the door long before it was time?
• 
  
• Of course, there are other traditions the Habs have been following for quite a few years, such as (almost) always beating the Bruins in the playoffs, and ALWAYS losing in catastrophic, ignominious fashion to the Flyers in those same playoffs. Part of that Flyers tradition is making mediocre Philly goalies look like all-galaxy superstars.

Here's to another decade of long-standing tradition in one of the most storied franchises in all of sports.
When do 5-1 wins become part of the tradition?