Third Annual Kovy Awards!

Yes folks, here it is, to alleviate your summer boredom, the Kovy Awards for the people who make the NHL a sadder, funnier, more ridiculous place.

Here are the awards, and their nominees. We will do one award per day, so stay tuned:


Today's award:

The Alexandre Daigle Memorial Trophy:

awarded to the league's most overrated player

(Not to be confused with the most overPAID player)

 

And the nominees are:

Henrik Sedin (Van)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The regular season doesn't mean much if you disappear during the playoffs, especially the finals.

 

 

 

Daniel Sedin

 

See above

 

 

 

Roberto Luongo

 

He brought it on himself. He couldn't keep his mouth shut, and he shit the bed away from home. Champion goalies don't play the way Luongo did, and it will be a long time before he gets out from under his performance this spring,

Aunt Eszter says, Happy Christmas!

We all know how it goes.

You've got this relative who for years has given you socks for Christmas. Every year, socks. And each year the box is a different size, making you think maybe this is the year she finally got you something cool. But that stereo-sized box? Socks. The box you could have sworn was shaped like the Metallica boxed set? Socks.

Hamrlik: Socks
Spacek: Socks
Samsonov: Really ugly fucking socks that you wouldn't wear when all your other pairs are in a stinking pile on the laundry room floor.

Then we come to this year. It's a foregone conclusion. You asked for an RC Car, but you know you're getting socks. Then you open the box, and there is a shiny new Hotwheel toy car. Sure, it isn't an RC car, but it's not socks.

This year we could have kept Tom Pyatt for a mere $500,000. Tampa, under Steve Yzerman's pretty good "new management," got him instead.

We still have to put on the pink nightmare bunny suit of Scott Gomez whenever Aunt Clara (Bob Gainey) comes over to visit.

And that's the same Aunt Clara who took your most prized possession (your well-loved Saku Koivu action figure) and gave it to the annoying, socially awkward kid with the weird clothes down the street. 

Of course the rich kid got the really kickass toy this year, Brad Richards. And for those who want to poo-poo what they don't have just to make themselves feel better, let's remember that Richards is a Conn Smythe winner who is the kind of player every team wants. When you consider that he may have even gone to New York BECAUSE --not despite-- of John Tortorella, that says a lot about the kind of team player he is. (I'm looking right your way, Lecavalier, you spoiled, bitchy brat. You're the kind of person that we all learned bad language and bad manners from. Mom says you're not allowed to come over and play any more.)

But we got a really good player in Erik Cole. He may even turn out to be the kind of Brad Richards influence this team really needs. He's good enough to show off to the neighbors. This the kind of Christmas gift you appreciate for, if for nothing else, being a surprise.

So that's my assessment of this year's Christmas bonanza that is Free Agency. Now we're in the lean times. We may even be able to take Scott Gomez down to Goodwill, but the store's looking pretty full these days.

It could have been better, but we all know it could have been a hell of a lot worse.

Thank God you're stupid

Herp-a-derp!

Montreal did not extend qualifying offers to Tom Pyatt, Alex Picard, and Benoit Pouliot. Tom Pyatt, who had the most upside of all, could have been a Hab for a mere $500,000.

And yet the Habs decided that the useless pylon that is Roman Hamrlik was worthy of a contract offer. (And who cares what the offer was...he should be falling on his knees to give a wet sloppy one to anyone who even considers dressing him at this stage in his career).

Luckily for Montreal fans who don't enjoy seeing Junior-B ability in a red white and blue NHL jersey, he decided that he'd rather sit and wait for offers that will never come during Free Agency.

So, thanks Roman! You made a stupid decision from the Habs management actually bearable by rejecting the only contract offer you're going to get from an NHL team.

So...don't let the door hit your useless pylon ass on your way out. See you in the KHL!

Christmas wish list

So the drought has gone on for too long now. No, I'm not talking about Stanley Cup parades. I'm talking about Free Agency presents.

Montreal has been Mr. Potter, Ebenezer Scrooge, and the Grinch all rolled up into one for too many years now, and it's time for us Habs fans to get a huge present for Christmas on July 1st this year.

So, Santa Gauthier, I'm counting on you. Here's my wish list (just one item from this list would make this little boy very happy):

1. Scott Gomez goes away. That's right, we want to take this one to the exchange/returns counter as defective. What do you mean the warranty has expired?

2. Brad Richards. I want a Conn Smythe forward. This one has been at the top of my list for a while now. But from one year to the next the store shelves have been empty. Now we're there at 2 am, and the first in line for the store opening. Bring him home!

3. James Wisniewski. Come on, Pierre. We had zero second-round picks last week because you traded one of them for Dominic Moore, and the other for the Wiz. You made a mistake in letting Moore go, and also made an even bigger one by letting Marc Andre Bergeron go. Remember the power play last year? Want that to happen again? Want to have SOMETHING to show for not having any second-round picks this year? Re-sign the Wiz.

4. Failing any of these, a PK Subban jersey would at least give me something to wear as I watch the Habs lose every game in December.

See ya, Muller

Kirk Muller has been hired to coach the Predators' minor league team.

Not to worry. We'll see him back when Gauthier finally realizes Jacques Martin can't coach and fires his ass.

The Winnipeg ....'s?

So I finally have a reason to watch the NHL draft: Winnipeg will announce their name as they make their seventh overall pick tonight.

How much you wanna bet it won't be the Jets?

This just in: ESPN outdoes itself in the stupidity department.

http://espn.go.com/sportsnation/teamrankings

Notice how the Phoenix Coyotes, the financial leach on the NHL and its real fans, is ranked 28th out of 122 teams that "give back to the fans in exchange for all the time, money and emotion the fans invest in them."

Um, ESPN? Phoenix doesn't have fans. The team steals money from other fans.

And how the hell did the Lightning get to be SECOND? Their fans don't "invest" any emotion, time, or money, unless it's the third round of the playoffs and the folks in St. Petersburg finally notice they actually have a good local team.

68th on the list is the Montreal Canadiens, two places ahead of the Pittsburgh Pirates. OK, so Montreal has a championship drought, and has been plagued by bad management and supposedly high ticket prices. But don't lump them in the same position with a baseball team whose management is on record as not giving a fuck about baseball, Pirates fans, or for that matter, the city of Pittsburgh. When was the last time they finished the season above .500? 1991?

Two places behind the worst team in the world at 72, is the Boston Bruins.
Didn't the Bruins just do something kinda cool lately? I could have sworn they went far into the playoffs...oh right. They won the STANLEY CUP. And last time I checked, their tickets weren't that bad.

I'd love to laugh at the Maple Leafs position at #120, but this list is for shit.

ESPN used to be a great place for sports.  Now it's just a bunch of people yelling about NASCAR (only a real sport to those who have difficulty in making left turns, enjoy wrecks, or can't amuse themselves at under 100 dB).