Wednesday, July 6, 2011

Aunt Eszter says, Happy Christmas!

We all know how it goes.

You've got this relative who for years has given you socks for Christmas. Every year, socks. And each year the box is a different size, making you think maybe this is the year she finally got you something cool. But that stereo-sized box? Socks. The box you could have sworn was shaped like the Metallica boxed set? Socks.

Hamrlik: Socks
Spacek: Socks
Samsonov: Really ugly fucking socks that you wouldn't wear when all your other pairs are in a stinking pile on the laundry room floor.

Then we come to this year. It's a foregone conclusion. You asked for an RC Car, but you know you're getting socks. Then you open the box, and there is a shiny new Hotwheel toy car. Sure, it isn't an RC car, but it's not socks.

This year we could have kept Tom Pyatt for a mere $500,000. Tampa, under Steve Yzerman's pretty good "new management," got him instead.

We still have to put on the pink nightmare bunny suit of Scott Gomez whenever Aunt Clara (Bob Gainey) comes over to visit.

And that's the same Aunt Clara who took your most prized possession (your well-loved Saku Koivu action figure) and gave it to the annoying, socially awkward kid with the weird clothes down the street. 

Of course the rich kid got the really kickass toy this year, Brad Richards. And for those who want to poo-poo what they don't have just to make themselves feel better, let's remember that Richards is a Conn Smythe winner who is the kind of player every team wants. When you consider that he may have even gone to New York BECAUSE --not despite-- of John Tortorella, that says a lot about the kind of team player he is. (I'm looking right your way, Lecavalier, you spoiled, bitchy brat. You're the kind of person that we all learned bad language and bad manners from. Mom says you're not allowed to come over and play any more.)

But we got a really good player in Erik Cole. He may even turn out to be the kind of Brad Richards influence this team really needs. He's good enough to show off to the neighbors. This the kind of Christmas gift you appreciate for, if for nothing else, being a surprise.

So that's my assessment of this year's Christmas bonanza that is Free Agency. Now we're in the lean times. We may even be able to take Scott Gomez down to Goodwill, but the store's looking pretty full these days.

It could have been better, but we all know it could have been a hell of a lot worse.

1 comment:

Capt. Sparrow said...

Bah humbug! Thanks for that gift of Pouillet. That's the gift you return to the store the day after christmas!