Thank God you're stupid

Herp-a-derp!

Montreal did not extend qualifying offers to Tom Pyatt, Alex Picard, and Benoit Pouliot. Tom Pyatt, who had the most upside of all, could have been a Hab for a mere $500,000.

And yet the Habs decided that the useless pylon that is Roman Hamrlik was worthy of a contract offer. (And who cares what the offer was...he should be falling on his knees to give a wet sloppy one to anyone who even considers dressing him at this stage in his career).

Luckily for Montreal fans who don't enjoy seeing Junior-B ability in a red white and blue NHL jersey, he decided that he'd rather sit and wait for offers that will never come during Free Agency.

So, thanks Roman! You made a stupid decision from the Habs management actually bearable by rejecting the only contract offer you're going to get from an NHL team.

So...don't let the door hit your useless pylon ass on your way out. See you in the KHL!

Christmas wish list

So the drought has gone on for too long now. No, I'm not talking about Stanley Cup parades. I'm talking about Free Agency presents.

Montreal has been Mr. Potter, Ebenezer Scrooge, and the Grinch all rolled up into one for too many years now, and it's time for us Habs fans to get a huge present for Christmas on July 1st this year.

So, Santa Gauthier, I'm counting on you. Here's my wish list (just one item from this list would make this little boy very happy):

1. Scott Gomez goes away. That's right, we want to take this one to the exchange/returns counter as defective. What do you mean the warranty has expired?

2. Brad Richards. I want a Conn Smythe forward. This one has been at the top of my list for a while now. But from one year to the next the store shelves have been empty. Now we're there at 2 am, and the first in line for the store opening. Bring him home!

3. James Wisniewski. Come on, Pierre. We had zero second-round picks last week because you traded one of them for Dominic Moore, and the other for the Wiz. You made a mistake in letting Moore go, and also made an even bigger one by letting Marc Andre Bergeron go. Remember the power play last year? Want that to happen again? Want to have SOMETHING to show for not having any second-round picks this year? Re-sign the Wiz.

4. Failing any of these, a PK Subban jersey would at least give me something to wear as I watch the Habs lose every game in December.

See ya, Muller

Kirk Muller has been hired to coach the Predators' minor league team.

Not to worry. We'll see him back when Gauthier finally realizes Jacques Martin can't coach and fires his ass.

The Winnipeg ....'s?

So I finally have a reason to watch the NHL draft: Winnipeg will announce their name as they make their seventh overall pick tonight.

How much you wanna bet it won't be the Jets?

This just in: ESPN outdoes itself in the stupidity department.

http://espn.go.com/sportsnation/teamrankings

Notice how the Phoenix Coyotes, the financial leach on the NHL and its real fans, is ranked 28th out of 122 teams that "give back to the fans in exchange for all the time, money and emotion the fans invest in them."

Um, ESPN? Phoenix doesn't have fans. The team steals money from other fans.

And how the hell did the Lightning get to be SECOND? Their fans don't "invest" any emotion, time, or money, unless it's the third round of the playoffs and the folks in St. Petersburg finally notice they actually have a good local team.

68th on the list is the Montreal Canadiens, two places ahead of the Pittsburgh Pirates. OK, so Montreal has a championship drought, and has been plagued by bad management and supposedly high ticket prices. But don't lump them in the same position with a baseball team whose management is on record as not giving a fuck about baseball, Pirates fans, or for that matter, the city of Pittsburgh. When was the last time they finished the season above .500? 1991?

Two places behind the worst team in the world at 72, is the Boston Bruins.
Didn't the Bruins just do something kinda cool lately? I could have sworn they went far into the playoffs...oh right. They won the STANLEY CUP. And last time I checked, their tickets weren't that bad.

I'd love to laugh at the Maple Leafs position at #120, but this list is for shit.

ESPN used to be a great place for sports.  Now it's just a bunch of people yelling about NASCAR (only a real sport to those who have difficulty in making left turns, enjoy wrecks, or can't amuse themselves at under 100 dB).

Something to believe in

"Well I see him on the TV
Preachin' 'bout the southern land
He tells me believe in Phoenix
Steals the money from my hands

Some say he's a good man
Lord I think he sinned, yeah"


So opens Poison's song (with some modifications), "Something to believe in."


Now it looks like we really do have something to believe in, if only to prove a point:
Want to piss of Gary Bettman? Buy a Winnipeg jersey.

In short:
Fuck you, Gary.
Go Winnipeg.

The two phrases really are interchangeable.

And now, a message from Mother of Kovalev

Hoo boy, such excitement, who would have thought?  So sorry poolish activities are  done for year—so Mother of Kovalev makes everyone else look smart—like you wouldn’t believe—and what thanks I get?  Hmmf—no gratitude, where were you raised, in barn? In Vancouver street?  And who did raising?  For shame.  Stanley Cup gorgeous as always.  Stanley Cup guy seems nice—his mother must be proud—white gloves always clean, Cup always shiny.  But what with hair?  Is natural color, I don’t think so.  What is this, Donald Trumpishness?  And such a nice boy. Vancouver fans are pigs, such sorry losers.  If Mama Kovalev’s wishes come true, not a cow left in province.   Hawks Fan deserved win, go figure.  Tell him Mama Kovalev sends congratulations—but warning, should not sit back in glory, watch  out-- next year the Year of Mama Kovalev! 

Some thoughts on last night's game

• Tim Thomas is a freak of nature.
• Roberto Luongo should decline his nomination and remove his name from consideration for the Vezina Trophy.
• Daniel and Henrik Sedin are nothing but typical chicken-swedes. And that sucks for the reputation of European players who actually perform when it matters.
• I said it: "The Bruins are going to score a breakaway goal before this period is over." And Patrice Bergeron proved me mostly right.
• Speaking of that goal, why was Luongo so mad? Is the ref supposed to whistle a puck dead because the goalie almost touched it?
• The Filthydelphia Flyers are largely to thank for Boston's success. Vancouver, especially the Sedins and Luongo, could learn a thing or two from this Bruins team who realized that no one gives you anything--you have to go out and take it by force.
• Gary Bettman should just resign. Every real hockey fan hates him for what he's done to the NHL. And he deserved the overpowering boos he got. Credit the Vancouver fans who made it clear it was not Chara, not Thomas, not the Bruins they were booing, but Bettman. 
• Vancouver residents (not the actual fans) are mindless morons. 
• The Bruins deserved this Cup. They are tough, gritty, skilled, well-coached, and hard-working.
• The Canucks did not deserve to be near the Cup. You cannot pretend that the games away from home don't count.
• Did I say Bettman should resign? Well, he should. He must at least keep his mouth shut and just hand the trophies over without trying to shout over the fans he has worked so diligently to screw over. 
• I am happy for my friends who happen to be Bruins fans. I'm not happy the Bruins won, but I'm happy for you. So with that, I will make the colors of this website Black and Gold until Free Agency begins, at which time it will revert to Montreal colors, as it will become clear that the Habs, after acquiring Brad Richards and buying out Scott Gomez, will be clear Cup favorites for 2012. 

Scores and Standings 6/16, "Bruins win the Cup, but Hawks Fan wins the Champeenship!" Edition

1. Hawks Fan: 136 (135+1)
Lucic (F-Bos) W=1
St. Louis (F-TB) 
Marleau (F-SJ)
Rafalski (D-Det)
Keith (D-Chi)
Miller (G-Buf)


2. Father of Kovalev: 125 (124+1)
H. Sedin (F-Van) 0
Kaberle (D-Bos) W=1
Thornton (F-SJ)
Zetterberg (F-Det) 
Letang (D-Pit)
Bobrovsky (G-Phi)


3. Bride of Kovalev: 117 (114+3)
Thomas (G-Bos) W,SO=3
Pavelski (F-SJ)
Ovechkin (F-Was)
Datsyuk (F-Det) 
Visnovsky (D-Ana)
Lidstrom (D-Det) 



4. Cousin Kovalev: 115 (115+0)
Kesler (F-Van) 0
Ehrhoff (D-Van) 0
Briere (F-Phi) 
Hartnell (F-Phi) 
Subban (D-Mon)
Rinne (G-Nas)


5. P-Stone: 114 (113+1)
Chara (D-Bos) W=1
Luongo (G-Van) 0
Stamkos (F-TB)
Kronwall (D-Det) 
Perry (F-Ana) 
Carter (F-Phi)


6. Derek: 102 (102+0)
D. Sedin (F-Van) 0
Franzen (F-Det)
Backstrom (F-Was)
Boyle (D-SJ)
Wideman (D-Was)
Howard (G-Det)


7. Mother of Kovalev: 75 (72+3)
Seidenberg (D-Bos) 2A,W=3
Brian Boyle (F-NYR)
Laich (F-Was)
Giroux (F-Phi) 
Meszaros (D-Phi) 
Fleury (G-Pit)

Scores and Standings 6/15, "Roberto should keep his stupid mouth shut" Edition

Out sick yesterday. Barely alive today. Apologies.

In this blogger's opinion, Go Canucks. But if the Bruins win the Cup, they will do so because they deserve it more than Vancouver. They have played well in every game, while the Canucks have laid some real eggs in Boston. Roberto Luongo has given us the most inconsistent series performance ever (and that superlative is well-deserved). Even if he has a shutout tonight, he will not have redeemed himself. He has lost every away game in this series, and has done so in catastrophic fashion. The Sedins? They're only proving people like Don Cherry right.

As Derek has pointed out, the main reason the Bruins are playing tonight is Tim Thomas. When people like Lucic and Chara have had mediocre playoff performances, Tim Thomas has been making one ridiculous save after another, keeping Boston in games they had no right to be in.

Truth is, I'm not sure who I want to win this series. I despise the hypocrisy of people like Mark Recchi and the fans who agree with him, the ones who deplored Max Pacioretty going to a movie after his concussion, while watching Nathan Horton grinning from ear to ear as he vigorously waived a towel in a deafening, brightly-lit arena without so much as a blush. I'd like to ask Dr. Recchi and his crack medical team, Did the Bruins embellish Horton's injury? Why was Patches' injury so overblown, and Horton's was not? Here's a hint: both men were indeed seriously injured, and we laymen don't know what they are and are not capable of after a concussion. But the ad hominem shit needs to stop. Now.

But on the other hand, the Canucks have proven they do NOT deserve to be called "champions." Champions do not bite. Champions win away from home. Champions play to the best of their ability--they do not disappear in the finals (ahem, Sedins, Kesler, Luongo). Champions keep their effing mouths shut and respect the abilities of their opponents.

Win or lose, Tim Thomas probably deserves the Conn Smythe trophy.  But if there was ever an award for Dumbest Fuck of the Playoffs, that award would go to Roberto Luongo.

I actually kind of hope the Bruins win tonight, if only to prove several things:

• Away games count.
• Claude Julien is a better coach than Guy Carbonneau.
• Claude Julien is a WAY better coach than Jacques Martin.
• You have to man up and win a game against the guy who knocked out your young star. 
• Toughness still counts.
• You can't win without outstanding goaltending.
• The Habs are not a good team.

I say that last one out of love, not disrespect. The Habs have got to get their heads out of their asses and discover that "competence" is not good enough. Only by watching the Bruins (who came back from two down to beat the Habs) win the Cup will that point finally get through the thick skulls of Montreal's management.
A Bruins win may hurt, but it will be better in the long run for Montreal when they see what they have to do to compete with a Cup Winner.

But then again...it's the Bruins, and I really, really don't like the Bruins.



1. Hawks Fan: 135 (132+3)
Lucic (F-Bos) G,W=3
St. Louis (F-TB) 
Marleau (F-SJ)
Rafalski (D-Det)
Keith (D-Chi)
Miller (G-Buf)


2. Father of Kovalev: 124 (119+5)
H. Sedin (F-Van) G=2
Kaberle (D-Bos) 2A,W=3
Thornton (F-SJ)
Zetterberg (F-Det) 
Letang (D-Pit)
Bobrovsky (G-Phi)


3. Cousin Kovalev: 115 (114+1)
Kesler (F-Van) 0
Ehrhoff (D-Van) A=1
Briere (F-Phi) 
Hartnell (F-Phi) 
Subban (D-Mon)
Rinne (G-Nas)


4. Bride of Kovalev: 114 (113+1)
Thomas (G-Bos) W=1
Pavelski (F-SJ)
Ovechkin (F-Was)
Datsyuk (F-Det) 
Visnovsky (D-Ana)
Lidstrom (D-Det)


5. P-Stone: 112 (112+)
Chara (D-Bos) W=1
Luongo (G-Van) 0
Stamkos (F-TB)
Kronwall (D-Det) 
Perry (F-Ana) 
Carter (F-Phi)


6. Derek: 102 (100+2)
D. Sedin (F-Van) 2A=2
Franzen (F-Det)
Backstrom (F-Was)
Boyle (D-SJ)
Wideman (D-Was)
Howard (G-Det)


7. Mother of Kovalev: 72 (70+2)
Seidenberg (D-Bos) A,W=2
Brian Boyle (F-NYR)
Laich (F-Was)
Giroux (F-Phi) 
Meszaros (D-Phi) 
Fleury (G-Pit)

Scores and Standings 6/13, "Is this it?" Edition

1. Hawks Fan: 132 (132+0)
Lucic (F-Bos) 0
St. Louis (F-TB) 
Marleau (F-SJ)
Rafalski (D-Det)
Keith (D-Chi)
Miller (G-Buf)


2. Father of Kovalev: 119 (118+1)
H. Sedin (F-Van) W=1
Kaberle (D-Bos) 0
Thornton (F-SJ)
Zetterberg (F-Det) 
Letang (D-Pit)
Bobrovsky (G-Phi)


3. Cousin Kovalev: 114 (112+2)
Kesler (F-Van) W=1
Ehrhoff (D-Van) W=1
Briere (F-Phi) 
Hartnell (F-Phi) 
Subban (D-Mon)
Rinne (G-Nas)


4. Bride of Kovalev: 113 (113+0)
Thomas (G-Bos) 0
Pavelski (F-SJ)
Ovechkin (F-Was)
Datsyuk (F-Det) 
Visnovsky (D-Ana)
Lidstrom (D-Det)


5. P-Stone: 112 (109+3)
Chara (D-Bos) 0
Luongo (G-Van) W,SO=3
Stamkos (F-TB)
Kronwall (D-Det) 
Perry (F-Ana) 
Carter (F-Phi)


6. Derek: 100 (99+1)
D. Sedin (F-Van) W=1
Franzen (F-Det)
Backstrom (F-Was)
Boyle (D-SJ)
Wideman (D-Was)
Howard (G-Det)


7. Mother of Kovalev: 70 (70+0)
Seidenberg (D-Bos) 0
Brian Boyle (F-NYR)
Laich (F-Was)
Giroux (F-Phi) 
Meszaros (D-Phi) 
Fleury (G-Pit)

Scores and Standings 6/9, "Claude Julien may actually be a good coach" Edition

Sure glad the Habs let Julien go. Jacques Martin is obviously much better.
Julien sure as hell doesn't know how to stop a powerplay that was running on all cylinders.


1. Hawks Fan: 132 (130+2)
Lucic (F-Bos) A,W=2
St. Louis (F-TB) 
Marleau (F-SJ)
Rafalski (D-Det)
Keith (D-Chi)
Miller (G-Buf)


2. Father of Kovalev: 118 (117+1)
H. Sedin (F-Van) 0
Kaberle (D-Bos) W=1
Thornton (F-SJ)
Zetterberg (F-Det) 
Letang (D-Pit)
Bobrovsky (G-Phi)


3. Bride of Kovalev: 113 (110+3)
Thomas (G-Bos) W,SO=3 
Pavelski (F-SJ)
Ovechkin (F-Was)
Datsyuk (F-Det) 
Visnovsky (D-Ana)
Lidstrom (D-Det)


4. Cousin Kovalev: 112 (112+0)
Kesler (F-Van) 0
Ehrhoff (D-Van) 0
Briere (F-Phi) 
Hartnell (F-Phi) 
Subban (D-Mon)
Rinne (G-Nas)


5. P-Stone: 109 (107+2)
Chara (D-Bos) A,W=2
Luongo (G-Van) 0
Stamkos (F-TB)
Kronwall (D-Det) 
Perry (F-Ana) 
Carter (F-Phi)


6. Derek: 99 (99+0)
D. Sedin (F-Van) 0
Franzen (F-Det)
Backstrom (F-Was)
Boyle (D-SJ)
Wideman (D-Was)
Howard (G-Det)


7. Mother of Kovalev: 70 (69+1)
Seidenberg (D-Bos) W=1
Brian Boyle (F-NYR)
Laich (F-Was)
Giroux (F-Phi) 
Meszaros (D-Phi) 
Fleury (G-Pit)

Scores and Standings 6/7, "Dr. Mark Recchi thinks Nathan Horton also 'embellished' his injury" Edition

Yeah, I went there.

1. Hawks Fan: 130 (129+1)
Lucic (F-Bos) W=1
St. Louis (F-TB) 
Marleau (F-SJ)
Rafalski (D-Det)
Keith (D-Chi)
Miller (G-Buf)


2. Father of Kovalev: 117 (115+2)
H. Sedin (F-Van) 0
Kaberle (D-Bos) A,W=2
Thornton (F-SJ)
Zetterberg (F-Det) 
Letang (D-Pit)
Bobrovsky (G-Phi)



3. Cousin Kovalev: 112 (112+0)
Kesler (F-Van) 0
Ehrhoff (D-Van) 0
Briere (F-Phi) 
Hartnell (F-Phi) 
Subban (D-Mon)
Rinne (G-Nas)


4. Bride of Kovalev: 110 (109+1)
Thomas (G-Bos) W=1
Pavelski (F-SJ)
Ovechkin (F-Was)
Datsyuk (F-Det) 
Visnovsky (D-Ana)
Lidstrom (D-Det)


5. P-Stone: 107 (104+3)
Chara (D-Bos) 2A,W=3
Luongo (G-Van) 0
Stamkos (F-TB)
Kronwall (D-Det) 
Perry (F-Ana) 
Carter (F-Phi)


6. Derek: 99 (99+0)
D. Sedin (F-Van) 0
Franzen (F-Det)
Backstrom (F-Was)
Boyle (D-SJ)
Wideman (D-Was)
Howard (G-Det)


7. Mother of Kovalev: 69 (68+1)
Seidenberg (D-Bos) W=1
Brian Boyle (F-NYR)
Laich (F-Was)
Giroux (F-Phi) 
Meszaros (D-Phi) 
Fleury (G-Pit)

Scores and Standings 6/6, "We'll just pretend I did the S&S yesterday" Edition

1. Hawks Fan: 129 (127+2)
Lucic (F-Bos) G=2
St. Louis (F-TB) 
Marleau (F-SJ)
Rafalski (D-Det)
Keith (D-Chi)
Miller (G-Buf)


2. Father of Kovalev: 115 (114+1)
H. Sedin (F-Van) W=1
Kaberle (D-Bos) 0
Thornton (F-SJ)
Zetterberg (F-Det) 
Letang (D-Pit)
Bobrovsky (G-Phi)



3. Cousin Kovalev: 112 (110+2)
Kesler (F-Van) W=1
Ehrhoff (D-Van) W=1
Briere (F-Phi) 
Hartnell (F-Phi) 
Subban (D-Mon)
Rinne (G-Nas)


4. Bride of Kovalev: 109 (109+0)
Thomas (G-Bos) 0
Pavelski (F-SJ)
Ovechkin (F-Was)
Datsyuk (F-Det) 
Visnovsky (D-Ana)
Lidstrom (D-Det)


5. P-Stone: 104 (102+2)
Chara (D-Bos) A=1
Luongo (G-Van) W=1
Stamkos (F-TB)
Kronwall (D-Det) 
Perry (F-Ana) 
Carter (F-Phi)


6. Derek: 99 (95+4)
D. Sedin (F-Van) G,A,W=4
Franzen (F-Det)
Backstrom (F-Was)
Boyle (D-SJ)
Wideman (D-Was)
Howard (G-Det)


7. Mother of Kovalev: 68 (68+0)
Seidenberg (D-Bos) 0
Brian Boyle (F-NYR)
Laich (F-Was)
Giroux (F-Phi) 
Meszaros (D-Phi) 
Fleury (G-Pit)

Scores and Standings 6/2.1, "19 Seconds Might As Well Be Overtime" Edition

1. Hawks Fan: 127 (127+0)
Lucic (F-Bos) 0
St. Louis (F-TB) 

Marleau (F-SJ)
Rafalski (D-Det)
Keith (D-Chi)
Miller (G-Buf)


2. Father of Kovalev: 114 (113+1)
H. Sedin (F-Van) W=1
Kaberle (D-Bos) 0
Thornton (F-SJ)
Zetterberg (F-Det) 
Letang (D-Pit)
Bobrovsky (G-Phi)


 
3. Cousin Kovalev: 110 (107+3)
Kesler (F-Van) A,W=2
Ehrhoff (D-Van) W=1
Briere (F-Phi) 
Hartnell (F-Phi) 
Subban (D-Mon)
Rinne (G-Nas)


4. Bride of Kovalev: 109 (109+0)
Thomas (G-Bos) 0
Pavelski (F-SJ)
Ovechkin (F-Was)
Datsyuk (F-Det) 
Visnovsky (D-Ana)
Lidstrom (D-Det)


5. P-Stone: 102 (99+3)
Chara (D-Bos) 0
Luongo (G-Van) W,SO=3
Stamkos (F-TB)
Kronwall (D-Det) 
Perry (F-Ana) 
Carter (F-Phi)


6. Derek: 95 (94+1)
D. Sedin (F-Van) W=1
Franzen (F-Det)
Backstrom (F-Was)
Boyle (D-SJ)
Wideman (D-Was)
Howard (G-Det)


7. Mother of Kovalev: 68 (68+0)
Seidenberg (D-Bos) 0
Brian Boyle (F-NYR)
Laich (F-Was)
Giroux (F-Phi) 
Meszaros (D-Phi) 
Fleury (G-Pit)

Scores and Standings 6/2, "I suck at Math" Edition

So I've been meaning to go through all the players and re-calculate the stats and see if they matched up. I try to do it at the end of each round, but the NHL's weird schedule, combined with my own crazy calendar, made that impossible. Lo and behold, there is one extra point. Where I missed it, I have no idea, but P-Stone actually entered the Stanley Cup finals with 99, not 98 points. Everyone else checked out, but still, you guys deserve perfect scores so there is no doubt who wins this thing. Again, my apologies. 


Below is the breakdown of the points throughout the first three rounds of the playoffs.