Kovalev's Kousin will be on vacation for the week of July 27. Not to worry, we will return with lots of nagative things to say about all sorts of people, including the second half of our dubious awards.
Keep the faith, people.
Friday, July 24, 2009
Now hear this,
Kovalev's Kousin will be on vacation for the week of July 27. Not to worry, we will return with lots of nagative things to say about all sorts of people, including the second half of our dubious awards.
Keep the faith, people.
The Barry Melrose Trophy:
Awarded to the league's most obnoxious douchebag broadcaster
And the winner is:
Jack Edwards
I always think of this video when I think of Jack Edwards.
"Montreal will not answer": an underhanded way of calling Montreal a bunch of cowards.
"Reich is POUNDING Bouillon!": Fact error, borne of being blind to the facts when they do not suit his fantasy that the Bruins are, like, the bestest team in the wurld!
"Reich tangling him up": Bzzzt. Wrong again, Jack. What you meant to say was, "Reich shying away from Bouillon, has asked for the fight stop."
The there's this gem of objective announcing:
It's ok to call a game from the perspective of the "home team", but when you descend into calling a game the same way a drunken, passionate fanboy would, you have lost all credibility. That laugh is not one of amusement - it's one of malice.
In closing, I'll offer this constructive criticism:
Jack Edwards, you suck at life.
And the winner is:
Jack Edwards
I always think of this video when I think of Jack Edwards.
"Montreal will not answer": an underhanded way of calling Montreal a bunch of cowards.
"Reich is POUNDING Bouillon!": Fact error, borne of being blind to the facts when they do not suit his fantasy that the Bruins are, like, the bestest team in the wurld!
"Reich tangling him up": Bzzzt. Wrong again, Jack. What you meant to say was, "Reich shying away from Bouillon, has asked for the fight stop."
The there's this gem of objective announcing:
It's ok to call a game from the perspective of the "home team", but when you descend into calling a game the same way a drunken, passionate fanboy would, you have lost all credibility. That laugh is not one of amusement - it's one of malice.
In closing, I'll offer this constructive criticism:
Jack Edwards, you suck at life.
Thursday, July 23, 2009
The Gary Bettman Trophy
Awarded for the league's worst management
And the winner is:
The Tampa Bay Lightning
(Despite today's news)
Ah, but those ice girls sure are nice...
They fired a winning, albeit gruff, coach to satisfy their petulant star. That same star has such a massive contract that it makes it hard to find adequate teammates, and also makes unloading that player through a trade nearly impossible.
Did we mention coaching? Let's not forget that the Lightning management hired Barry Melrose for some unknown reason, and then, in a classic dick move, fired him after 16 games. It almost seems as if Tampa Bay's management suffers from split-personality disorder...
Bad management like this starts all the way at the top and trickles on down. The owners can't agree on what the hell to do, and Gary Bettman(!) has even told Len Barrie "Show me the Money!" and prove that he is capable of co-owning an NHL team. Ah, so that explains the split-personality. The Lightning have three different people calling the shots: Len Barrie, Oren Koules, and Vincent Lecavalier.
Don't think for a minute, though, that the New York Islanders are not a CLOSE second. We really do need to give them an honourable mention for having three starting goalies now. Rick DiPietro, Dwayne Roloson, and now, Martin Biron. Absolutely baffling.
And the winner is:
The Tampa Bay Lightning
(Despite today's news)
Ah, but those ice girls sure are nice...
They fired a winning, albeit gruff, coach to satisfy their petulant star. That same star has such a massive contract that it makes it hard to find adequate teammates, and also makes unloading that player through a trade nearly impossible.
Did we mention coaching? Let's not forget that the Lightning management hired Barry Melrose for some unknown reason, and then, in a classic dick move, fired him after 16 games. It almost seems as if Tampa Bay's management suffers from split-personality disorder...
Bad management like this starts all the way at the top and trickles on down. The owners can't agree on what the hell to do, and Gary Bettman(!) has even told Len Barrie "Show me the Money!" and prove that he is capable of co-owning an NHL team. Ah, so that explains the split-personality. The Lightning have three different people calling the shots: Len Barrie, Oren Koules, and Vincent Lecavalier.
Don't think for a minute, though, that the New York Islanders are not a CLOSE second. We really do need to give them an honourable mention for having three starting goalies now. Rick DiPietro, Dwayne Roloson, and now, Martin Biron. Absolutely baffling.
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
The Alexandre Daigle Memorial Trophy:
Awarded to the league's most overrated player
(Not to be confused with the most overPAID player)
And the winner is...
Carey Price
Poor kid. After an amazing run as the playoff MVP of the Calder Cup, Price was given the keys by an over-optimistic (and questionably sane) Bob Gainey. The result was predictable: he struggled mightily in the opening playoff round, and flat-out sucked in the second. The following year he had a .905 save percentage and a 2.83 Goals against average. Not bad, but nowehere near the god-like status he enjoys among Habs faithful. And his playoff stats this year? 4.11 and .878. Four Habs Fans calls him "The Franchise Saviour". Everyone outside of Montreal just calls him the most overrated player in the NHL right now.
(Not to be confused with the most overPAID player)
And the winner is...
Carey Price
Poor kid. After an amazing run as the playoff MVP of the Calder Cup, Price was given the keys by an over-optimistic (and questionably sane) Bob Gainey. The result was predictable: he struggled mightily in the opening playoff round, and flat-out sucked in the second. The following year he had a .905 save percentage and a 2.83 Goals against average. Not bad, but nowehere near the god-like status he enjoys among Habs faithful. And his playoff stats this year? 4.11 and .878. Four Habs Fans calls him "The Franchise Saviour". Everyone outside of Montreal just calls him the most overrated player in the NHL right now.
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
The late 90's Rangers Memorial Cup
Awarded to the league's most overrated team.
And the winner is:
The San Jose Sharks.
Was this one ever in doubt? The Sharks have a made a habit of choking in the playoffs, and this one tops all their previous efforts. The President's Trophy for the best regular-season record, and out in the first round. True, the Ducks were a formidable opponent and were far better than their 8th-place standing indicated, but come ON. Joe Thornton had better hope his team finds success soon or people are going to start pointing their fingers and blaming him for these annual collapses. First it was with the Bruins and now the Sharks. But the problem goes further than Jumbo Joe, as the Sharks' disastrous post-seasons were happening before he got shown the way to San Jose. What's the solution? Through the years, San Jose has turned over most its players, but one obvious consistency has been Evgeni Nabokov.
Whatever the case, the Sharks are the reigning overrated team, and it will take a sea-change to alter that perception.
And the winner is:
The San Jose Sharks.
Was this one ever in doubt? The Sharks have a made a habit of choking in the playoffs, and this one tops all their previous efforts. The President's Trophy for the best regular-season record, and out in the first round. True, the Ducks were a formidable opponent and were far better than their 8th-place standing indicated, but come ON. Joe Thornton had better hope his team finds success soon or people are going to start pointing their fingers and blaming him for these annual collapses. First it was with the Bruins and now the Sharks. But the problem goes further than Jumbo Joe, as the Sharks' disastrous post-seasons were happening before he got shown the way to San Jose. What's the solution? Through the years, San Jose has turned over most its players, but one obvious consistency has been Evgeni Nabokov.
Whatever the case, the Sharks are the reigning overrated team, and it will take a sea-change to alter that perception.
Monday, July 20, 2009
The Jerry Seinfeld Trophy:
awarded to the most obnoxious, asshole fans in the league.
And the winner is:
The Carolina Hurricanes
Hurricanes fans have made a name for themselves as some of the least well-informed yet most overly-opinionated fans in the league in recent years. A Stanley Cup championship spurred their fans to arrive at the conclusion that since the team is excellent, then they the fans must be in the right as well. Known for such gems as calling Montreal's logo a "Habitron," the inarticulate and ignorant chant of "Ref, you suck," and that annoying-as-fuck "Woo-hoo!" before EVERY SINGLE GODDAMNED FACEOFF.
Congratulations, Hurricanes fans.
And the winner is:
The Carolina Hurricanes
Hurricanes fans have made a name for themselves as some of the least well-informed yet most overly-opinionated fans in the league in recent years. A Stanley Cup championship spurred their fans to arrive at the conclusion that since the team is excellent, then they the fans must be in the right as well. Known for such gems as calling Montreal's logo a "Habitron," the inarticulate and ignorant chant of "Ref, you suck," and that annoying-as-fuck "Woo-hoo!" before EVERY SINGLE GODDAMNED FACEOFF.
Congratulations, Hurricanes fans.
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
Bruins to play at Fenway
Awesome. Almost makes me wish I still lived in the Boston area.
(Aside: No one actually lives IN Boston. Anyone who does pays $300,000 for rent and either eats ramen noodles cause that's all they can afford or is a Limousine Liberal who probably REALLY lives in Cambridge.)
Anyway, The Bruins and Fenway Pahk will host the Pbbbbhhhhlyers on New Year's day. Hey! The other admins on this blog actually get that day OFF from their wonderful employer, so I command you to get tickets! Will they close off Yawkey Way so they can have the pre-game circus of vendors, performers, etc? I know it'll be cold, but it won't be that much worse than an October game. I'm looking forward to seeing it on TV. This most recent outdoor game at Wrigley was awesome, and I hope this one is as good.
In other Bruins news, TSN is officially stoopid. They have a story about how Milan Lucic might get a roster spot next year because Bruins fans think he's exciting to watch. It was only halfway through the video that I realized they weren't talking about getting a roster spot in Boston, but on Team Canada. And no, I will not accept responsibility for the miscommunication. They need to make it clearer. (Hint: as a news organization, that's TSN's job.)
Thursday, July 9, 2009
When words fail
The only thing that can truly show what I want to say to Saku Koivu as he leaves Montreal:
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
Exclusive picture from Gainey/Koivu press conference
Bob Gainey with the heart of this blog's author.
Breaking News
Saku Koivu, according to RDS, is a Duck.
Here's a translation of the French news source:
Selon plusieurs sources émanant d'Anaheim, Saku Koivu poursuivra sa carrière avec les Ducks.
-Dicky Dunn wrote this, it's gotta be true: the Ducks have signed Koivu
Koivu rejoindrait ainsi son grand ami, le Finlandais Teemu Selanne.
-Koivu will play with his Finnish buddy, Teemu Selanne.
L'entente serait d'une durée d'une saison qui lui rapporterait 3,25 millions de dollars.
-Koivu's deal will pay him 3.25 million dollars for one season, after which he'll have to find a new Finnish buddy to play with.
Plus de détails à venir
-You'll be the first to know any other rumors we hear.
Here's a translation of the French news source:
Selon plusieurs sources émanant d'Anaheim, Saku Koivu poursuivra sa carrière avec les Ducks.
-Dicky Dunn wrote this, it's gotta be true: the Ducks have signed Koivu
Koivu rejoindrait ainsi son grand ami, le Finlandais Teemu Selanne.
-Koivu will play with his Finnish buddy, Teemu Selanne.
L'entente serait d'une durée d'une saison qui lui rapporterait 3,25 millions de dollars.
-Koivu's deal will pay him 3.25 million dollars for one season, after which he'll have to find a new Finnish buddy to play with.
Plus de détails à venir
-You'll be the first to know any other rumors we hear.
So long, it's been good to know ya
Some highlights of Kovalev's time in Montreal
And of course, the greatest Kovy moment:
And of course, the greatest Kovy moment:
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
Monday, July 6, 2009
Bob Gainey to fans/Alex Kovalev: "Fuck off."
Bob Gainey has said, in no uncertain terms, that Kovalev will not be back with the Canadiens. He said he made an offer, but Kovalev took too long to get back to him. Which invites the question, "How long did you wait, Bob?" My gut tells me the answer would be "Not very long." Gainey started dealing for overpriced centers the day before free agency began, which makes it probable that the allegedly patient Gainey waited perhaps 24 hours before throwing up his hands, hollering "I give up!" and bringing on a contract that we can only hope will be worth its chunk of the salary cap.
What can I, and the 100 other fans who rallied at the Bell Center in support bringing back at least ONE of the players we have grown to love, say in response to Gainey?
"Up yours" comes to mind.
Another question we'll have to deal with here at "KK, BB" will be what to do with the KK part of our name. Do we keep it, since we would risk alienating our thousands of loyal readers otherwise? Do we try to find another Canadien who bears some family resemblance? Or do we change the focus of the blog to follow whichever team Kovalev goes to? Likely, we'll remain a Habs/Bruins blog, and I will stay proud of my big-nosed Russian heritage and eerie resemblance to that enigmatic winger. Who knows? Maybe he'll become a Bruin and then we'll all be one happy family.
What can I, and the 100 other fans who rallied at the Bell Center in support bringing back at least ONE of the players we have grown to love, say in response to Gainey?
"Up yours" comes to mind.
Another question we'll have to deal with here at "KK, BB" will be what to do with the KK part of our name. Do we keep it, since we would risk alienating our thousands of loyal readers otherwise? Do we try to find another Canadien who bears some family resemblance? Or do we change the focus of the blog to follow whichever team Kovalev goes to? Likely, we'll remain a Habs/Bruins blog, and I will stay proud of my big-nosed Russian heritage and eerie resemblance to that enigmatic winger. Who knows? Maybe he'll become a Bruin and then we'll all be one happy family.
Sunday, July 5, 2009
Dickie Moore: "I would like to even talk to the Molsons about this."
Amen, Dickie. After everything Saku Koivu has done for both the city of Montreal and its team, after everything the city has done for Koivu, to have Gainey decide to not even extend an offer is a slap in the face. Sure, there are fans who want to see him gone, but those people are never happy anyway. Then there are those of us who idolize Koivu for so many reasons, but realize that this team is going nowhere, and want to see him get the Cup. The there are those who know Koivu should retire a Hab.
Moore said it best when he said, "This is awful. In life, you get back what you give, and I don't know what the Canadiens are going to get for doing this to Saku."
Yeah yeah, we got an overpriced center, some guy named Calamari (LOL, Number 31), and Hal Gill. I like the last signing, but leaving Koivu out in the cold is beyond ridiculous. I was talking with a friend the other day about how bummed I was about this. This friend is/was a Baltimore Orioles fan, and that made me think of this analogy: Imagine if the Orioles had forced out Cal Ripken, Jr. THAT is exactly what's happening in Montreal.
Fire Gainey.
Moore said it best when he said, "This is awful. In life, you get back what you give, and I don't know what the Canadiens are going to get for doing this to Saku."
Yeah yeah, we got an overpriced center, some guy named Calamari (LOL, Number 31), and Hal Gill. I like the last signing, but leaving Koivu out in the cold is beyond ridiculous. I was talking with a friend the other day about how bummed I was about this. This friend is/was a Baltimore Orioles fan, and that made me think of this analogy: Imagine if the Orioles had forced out Cal Ripken, Jr. THAT is exactly what's happening in Montreal.
Fire Gainey.
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
Happy UFA day!
Ahh, the smell of pine needles, cranberries, and dinner slowly cooking in the oven. Oh right, that's Christmas. Still, today is a magical day, full of mystery and suspense. What will I get? What will my friends get?
Too bad the Grinch seems to have taken over the gift-giving for this household lately. We have ten wonderful players, most of whom will be going elsewhere, including one of the most classy and hard-working individuals to wear the CH. Saku Koivu wasn't even worth a contract OFFER to Bob Gainey, who had plenty of cap room to work with, and could probabaly have locked the captain up on the (relatively) cheap. So much for a classy organization.
So for this fan, this year's Christmas/UFA season takes a slightly different twist. I've always said that if you're going to buy a jersey with a player's name on it, you'd better be prepared to cheer for them after they're done wearing the logo you have on the front of that jersey. So for me, I am interested in seeing where Francis Bouillon will end up. I will support Saku Koivu no matter where he goes, but I hope it's to a Cup winner. Alex Kovalev will always be my long-lost cousin, even if he plays in Toronto (blech!)
This year, I'm not holding out much hope for what I'll find under my own tree. What I am excited about is the possibilities awaiting my favorite players. I hope Koivu gets everything he wants. He deserves it. I hope Bouillon goes somewhere where his thundering bodychecks and fireplug fighting are appreciated. Kovalev is Kovalev, so I'm not worried about him. Merry Christmas, fellas. May all your dreams come true.
Too bad the Grinch seems to have taken over the gift-giving for this household lately. We have ten wonderful players, most of whom will be going elsewhere, including one of the most classy and hard-working individuals to wear the CH. Saku Koivu wasn't even worth a contract OFFER to Bob Gainey, who had plenty of cap room to work with, and could probabaly have locked the captain up on the (relatively) cheap. So much for a classy organization.
So for this fan, this year's Christmas/UFA season takes a slightly different twist. I've always said that if you're going to buy a jersey with a player's name on it, you'd better be prepared to cheer for them after they're done wearing the logo you have on the front of that jersey. So for me, I am interested in seeing where Francis Bouillon will end up. I will support Saku Koivu no matter where he goes, but I hope it's to a Cup winner. Alex Kovalev will always be my long-lost cousin, even if he plays in Toronto (blech!)
This year, I'm not holding out much hope for what I'll find under my own tree. What I am excited about is the possibilities awaiting my favorite players. I hope Koivu gets everything he wants. He deserves it. I hope Bouillon goes somewhere where his thundering bodychecks and fireplug fighting are appreciated. Kovalev is Kovalev, so I'm not worried about him. Merry Christmas, fellas. May all your dreams come true.
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