I dare you to even consider suspending Max Pacioretty.
Max Pac didn't have the opportunity to come back and score in the game he was nearly killed. Kris Letang did. There was no suspension when Max Pac was nearly killed.
There better as hell not be one this time, either.
This is a promise, Brendan. There will be more trouble for you than an angry mob of Avalanche fans in a dark alley if you misstep here.
Mark carefully my words.
UPDATE:
You've been warned, Brendan.
It will be worse than 1955 for Clarence Campbell.
I suggest you not show your face in Montreal any time soon.
Sunday, November 27, 2011
Friday, October 21, 2011
Why bother watching?
To paraphrase Douglas Fairbanks Jr in "Gunga Din",
You displease me greatly, and I ignore the lot of you.
You displease me greatly, and I ignore the lot of you.
Friday, October 14, 2011
For Better or for Worse
Sorry, hockey fans, but I dropped the ball on my summer posts. Partly, it's because I just didn't have time.
Anyway, the new season is three games old, and it's time to weigh in.
About the Jets: Before Sunday's game, I told Bride of Kovalev that this game would determine my loyalty for the future.
After all, I can only stand so many promises to "Fix you."
I can only take so many 2-0 series leads AWAY FROM HOME, only to see the team implode.
I can only stomach so many December-February swoons precipitated by an ill-advised concession to a goddamned CIRCUS.
I don't really enjoy seeing General Managers blow up the team only to walk away from the ensuing mess.
I have lost any patience for coaches who repeatedly try to pound the square pegs of speedy, young athletes into the round holes of defensive, boring, New Jersey Devils.
I can only hear "Baby, I promise, this time it'll be different. I looove you, baby" so many times before I stop believing it.
I'm tired of the Canadiens.
And after all, what reason do I have to root for them? The only Stanley Cup victory I remember was 1993. I am from North Carolina. I don't owe the city any allegiance. The past glory of the Habs, the Maurice Richards, the Boom-Boom Geoffrions (the reason I found myself fated to cheer for the Canadiens), even the Patrick Roys, are all a distant memory now. The Century of excellence is over. What we have now is very reliable mediocrity.
So why root for the Habs? Why not root for a team that, in the larger scheme of things, matters a lot more? The Jets are bad for Gary Bettman. Ergo, the Jets are good for hockey. The Jets represent a victory over Bettman's brand of stupidity, over his moronic insistence on expanding into dead markets. The Jets have already won. They represent all that is good about fans, about sound economic policy, and about divine justice in the world.
And so I turned on Sunday's game fully intending to become a student and a fan of this Jets team. If they won, that would seal it. Goodbye, Montreal. Goodbye, overhyped management. Goodbye to a team that, in all honesty, I really do not like.
But then a funny thing happened. Even before Michael Cammalleri scored, I found myself cheering, unconditionally, for my bleu-blanc-rouge. Unconditionally.
Shit.
I hate the Habs.
And yet, I love the Habs.
It's too late. Short of them signing Todd Bertuzzi, I will always love the Habs. Even if they eventually fail to sign Carey Price and trade for Rick DiPietro, I'll find myself watching them on my NHL Center Ice. This sucks. Because, as we saw last night, anyone who thinks the Habs are a playoff team is smoking dope.
True, the kids have the ability to rise above the adversity and become true NHL'ers, but Jacques Martin won't allow that to happen. Scott Gomez will continue to suck in creative new ways. And he'll bring down his linemates, just as he is doing now to Brian Gionta. And Erik Cole is furiously cementing his legacy as the worst free agent of 2011.
Fuck this team. And yet, for better or worse, I'm with you Montreal.
I love you, Montreal Canadiens. I just don't particularly like you right now.
Anyway, the new season is three games old, and it's time to weigh in.
About the Jets: Before Sunday's game, I told Bride of Kovalev that this game would determine my loyalty for the future.
After all, I can only stand so many promises to "Fix you."
I can only take so many 2-0 series leads AWAY FROM HOME, only to see the team implode.
I can only stomach so many December-February swoons precipitated by an ill-advised concession to a goddamned CIRCUS.
I don't really enjoy seeing General Managers blow up the team only to walk away from the ensuing mess.
I have lost any patience for coaches who repeatedly try to pound the square pegs of speedy, young athletes into the round holes of defensive, boring, New Jersey Devils.
I can only hear "Baby, I promise, this time it'll be different. I looove you, baby" so many times before I stop believing it.
I'm tired of the Canadiens.
And after all, what reason do I have to root for them? The only Stanley Cup victory I remember was 1993. I am from North Carolina. I don't owe the city any allegiance. The past glory of the Habs, the Maurice Richards, the Boom-Boom Geoffrions (the reason I found myself fated to cheer for the Canadiens), even the Patrick Roys, are all a distant memory now. The Century of excellence is over. What we have now is very reliable mediocrity.
So why root for the Habs? Why not root for a team that, in the larger scheme of things, matters a lot more? The Jets are bad for Gary Bettman. Ergo, the Jets are good for hockey. The Jets represent a victory over Bettman's brand of stupidity, over his moronic insistence on expanding into dead markets. The Jets have already won. They represent all that is good about fans, about sound economic policy, and about divine justice in the world.
And so I turned on Sunday's game fully intending to become a student and a fan of this Jets team. If they won, that would seal it. Goodbye, Montreal. Goodbye, overhyped management. Goodbye to a team that, in all honesty, I really do not like.
But then a funny thing happened. Even before Michael Cammalleri scored, I found myself cheering, unconditionally, for my bleu-blanc-rouge. Unconditionally.
Shit.
I hate the Habs.
And yet, I love the Habs.
It's too late. Short of them signing Todd Bertuzzi, I will always love the Habs. Even if they eventually fail to sign Carey Price and trade for Rick DiPietro, I'll find myself watching them on my NHL Center Ice. This sucks. Because, as we saw last night, anyone who thinks the Habs are a playoff team is smoking dope.
True, the kids have the ability to rise above the adversity and become true NHL'ers, but Jacques Martin won't allow that to happen. Scott Gomez will continue to suck in creative new ways. And he'll bring down his linemates, just as he is doing now to Brian Gionta. And Erik Cole is furiously cementing his legacy as the worst free agent of 2011.
Fuck this team. And yet, for better or worse, I'm with you Montreal.
I love you, Montreal Canadiens. I just don't particularly like you right now.
Friday, August 5, 2011
The third annual Kovys: Gary Bettman Trophy
Today's award:
The Gary Bettman Trophy
awarded to the league's worst management
And the nominees are:
New York Islanders
Insane owner? Check. Lots of money being paid to people who don't play? Check.
Too many goalies? Check. Laughable franchise? Check
Philadelphia Flyers
Still haven't gotten the memo that good goaltending matters in the post-season. And they traded away two stars who wanted to create a winner in Philly.
Atlanta Thrashers
Good riddance to that group of egomaniac owners. Atlanta was a team rotten from the inside out.
The Gary Bettman Trophy
awarded to the league's worst management
And the nominees are:
New York Islanders
Insane owner? Check. Lots of money being paid to people who don't play? Check.
Too many goalies? Check. Laughable franchise? Check
Philadelphia Flyers
Still haven't gotten the memo that good goaltending matters in the post-season. And they traded away two stars who wanted to create a winner in Philly.
Atlanta Thrashers
Good riddance to that group of egomaniac owners. Atlanta was a team rotten from the inside out.
Thursday, August 4, 2011
The third annual Kovys: Islanders Fishsticks Trophy
Today's award:
The Islanders Fishsticks Trophy
awarded to the team with ugliest jerseys
Note: source is http://www.nhluniforms.com/
And the nominees are:
Colorado Avalanche
The 'lanche had a lot of color patterns to choose from when deciding on their third jersey. Unfortunately, they chose EXACTLY the wrong shade of blue. Remember those great maroon jerseys they used to have with the Rangers-style writing down the chest? These new ones look like the cheap knock-offs you can get for $19.99 from a shady seller on E-bay.
Dallas Stars
Here's an idea for you, Dallas:
This isn't college football. Try putting some damn color on your jerseys? You're playing games wearing your practice jerseys.
Edmonton Oilers
What, did you not have enough money for the stripe to go all the way around the sleeve?
Honorable Mention:
Tampa Bay Lightning and Ottawa Senators
It's not the jerseys. They're actually better-designed than the normal uniforms. But the nicknames on the front? Ridiculous. Should Montreal have a "HABS" jersey? Didn't think so. What makes Ottawa and Tampa think it looks respectable on their teams?
The Islanders Fishsticks Trophy
awarded to the team with ugliest jerseys
Note: source is http://www.nhluniforms.com/
And the nominees are:
Colorado Avalanche
The 'lanche had a lot of color patterns to choose from when deciding on their third jersey. Unfortunately, they chose EXACTLY the wrong shade of blue. Remember those great maroon jerseys they used to have with the Rangers-style writing down the chest? These new ones look like the cheap knock-offs you can get for $19.99 from a shady seller on E-bay.
Dallas Stars
Here's an idea for you, Dallas:
This isn't college football. Try putting some damn color on your jerseys? You're playing games wearing your practice jerseys.
Edmonton Oilers
What, did you not have enough money for the stripe to go all the way around the sleeve?
Honorable Mention:
Tampa Bay Lightning and Ottawa Senators
It's not the jerseys. They're actually better-designed than the normal uniforms. But the nicknames on the front? Ridiculous. Should Montreal have a "HABS" jersey? Didn't think so. What makes Ottawa and Tampa think it looks respectable on their teams?
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
The third annual Kovys: Coyote Cup
Today's award:
The Coyote Cup
Given to the team that has no business being in its current location.
Please note:
I used NHL.com's attendance statistics for this article.
I have disregarded several attendance numbers from January and February, as bad weather in New York kept people away.
And the nominees are:
The Phoenix Coyotes
Cold, snowy weather has no bearing on attendance figures for the Desert Dogs. They have no excuses, even fewer now that they are a playoff team.
Excluding the New York games that had bad attendance due to snowstorms, the Coyotes had the worst and second-worst attended games all season (6,706 on Oct 21 and 6,761 on Nov 3). Going from bottom to top in attendance, the bottom of the list is littered with Coyotes games.
It's time for Gary Bettman to come to his senses and let this struggling drain on the NHL's finances go somewhere sensible.
The Atlanta Thrashers
These awards reflect the past season. Atlanta may not currently have an NHL team, but that's exactly why they're on this list. This past season was the final one for Atlanta, and that's a good thing. While the Thrashers may not have been quite so bad as the Islanders or the Coyotes, they still had some appearances on the bottom end of the attendance rankings. Their absence (the second time an Atlanta team has had to move) demonstrates that hockey does not work in southern cities.
The New York Islanders
How the mighty have fallen. The citizens don't want to buy them a new arena. The management is goofy. The owner is insane. The team is a joke.
And no one goes to the games. It could be that their ticket prices are outrageous (my wife went to law school just a nine-iron away from the Mausoleum, and we never went to a single game, because even the nosebleed seat prices were way beyond our means). Someone needs to tell Charles Wang that people will only pay exorbitant ticket prices if 1) the team is awesome, or 2) there's so much fan support that you can sell out every game no matter how much you suck (see: Maple Leafs, Toronto). The Islanders definitely do not qualify. People aren't going to the games, so prices need to fall. Wang wants to put the team in a badly needed new stadium, but he expects the taxpayers to foot the bill. No dice, Charles.
I know its tough: you have to spend money to make money, and it's a hard pill to swallow, lowering ticket prices when you need more money, not less. But if no one's buying the tickets, then you have to go back to your Econ 101 textbook and look up "Chapter 1: Supply vs Demand".
As it is, the team needs to just go away. The citizens obviously don't care, and neither does the management. What this team needs is a completely new identity. New city (hell, they could move to Queens or Brooklyn), new ownership, new stadium, new everything. Because it's just not working on the Island.
Source: NHL.com
The Coyote Cup
Given to the team that has no business being in its current location.
Please note:
I used NHL.com's attendance statistics for this article.
I have disregarded several attendance numbers from January and February, as bad weather in New York kept people away.
And the nominees are:
The Phoenix Coyotes
Cold, snowy weather has no bearing on attendance figures for the Desert Dogs. They have no excuses, even fewer now that they are a playoff team.
Excluding the New York games that had bad attendance due to snowstorms, the Coyotes had the worst and second-worst attended games all season (6,706 on Oct 21 and 6,761 on Nov 3). Going from bottom to top in attendance, the bottom of the list is littered with Coyotes games.
It's time for Gary Bettman to come to his senses and let this struggling drain on the NHL's finances go somewhere sensible.
The Atlanta Thrashers
These awards reflect the past season. Atlanta may not currently have an NHL team, but that's exactly why they're on this list. This past season was the final one for Atlanta, and that's a good thing. While the Thrashers may not have been quite so bad as the Islanders or the Coyotes, they still had some appearances on the bottom end of the attendance rankings. Their absence (the second time an Atlanta team has had to move) demonstrates that hockey does not work in southern cities.
The New York Islanders
How the mighty have fallen. The citizens don't want to buy them a new arena. The management is goofy. The owner is insane. The team is a joke.
And no one goes to the games. It could be that their ticket prices are outrageous (my wife went to law school just a nine-iron away from the Mausoleum, and we never went to a single game, because even the nosebleed seat prices were way beyond our means). Someone needs to tell Charles Wang that people will only pay exorbitant ticket prices if 1) the team is awesome, or 2) there's so much fan support that you can sell out every game no matter how much you suck (see: Maple Leafs, Toronto). The Islanders definitely do not qualify. People aren't going to the games, so prices need to fall. Wang wants to put the team in a badly needed new stadium, but he expects the taxpayers to foot the bill. No dice, Charles.
I know its tough: you have to spend money to make money, and it's a hard pill to swallow, lowering ticket prices when you need more money, not less. But if no one's buying the tickets, then you have to go back to your Econ 101 textbook and look up "Chapter 1: Supply vs Demand".
As it is, the team needs to just go away. The citizens obviously don't care, and neither does the management. What this team needs is a completely new identity. New city (hell, they could move to Queens or Brooklyn), new ownership, new stadium, new everything. Because it's just not working on the Island.
Source: NHL.com
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
The Kovy Awards: Alexei Yashin trophy
The Alexei Yashin Trophy
for the league's most overpaid player.
And the nominees are:
Scott Gomez
Cap hit: $7.357 million until 2014.
Last year's salary: $8 million
Montreal paid Gomez eight million dollars this season. Gomez, in turn, provided the Habs with 7 goals and 31 assists over the span of 80 games.
To put this in perspective, Sergei Samsonov, who did not survive his first year playing for Montreal, was paid $3.525 million for 9 goals and 17 assists in 63 games for the Habs.
Why Montreal hasn't put Gomez on waivers, traded him to a team struggling to reach the cap floor, or just plain bought him out is a mystery.
Fearless prediction: the 2011-2012 season will be just as bad.
Ilya Kovalchuk
Cap hit: $6.667 million until 2025.
Last year's salary: $6 million
This is the person everyone will point to when they explain how, when, and why the Devils stopped being a perennial playoff contender. Like Gomez, Kovalchuk's contract prohibits the Devils from signing other skilled players. Maybe there's method in their madness, Maybe the Devils management has recognized that they can't fill their arena even halfway, and need a marquee player to fill the seats and sell jerseys. If that pipe dream comes true, the Devils will have a stadium full of people to watch the Devils lose.
Vincent Lecavalier
Cap hit: $7.727 million until 2020.
Last year's salary: $10 million
Lecavalier has seen a steady decline in his performance, coupled with an unparallelled rise in ego. Vinny has been responsible for the firings of two coaches, and his attitude is a cancer on the Tampa Bay Lightning. With Steve Yzerman at the helm, you can guarantee that Vinny will have at least one "Come to Jesus" meeting with Stevie Y. It's not too late, but Vinny needs to do two things: stop trying to run the Lightning organization, and start putting pucks in net again (or help his teammates do so). Otherwise, I doubt someone like Yzerman, who knows what it takes to win, will keep this guy around.
Rick Dipietro
Cap hit: $4.5 million until 2021.
Last year's salary: $4.5 million
Seriously, it's too easy. The guy is made of glass. After his fight with Brent Johnson, I said, "watch him be out for six weeks." I was joking. But he was indeed out for six weeks.
He has played a total 39 games during the last THREE seasons, with 11 wins. And the Isles have him until 2021.
for the league's most overpaid player.
And the nominees are:
Scott Gomez
Cap hit: $7.357 million until 2014.
Last year's salary: $8 million
Montreal paid Gomez eight million dollars this season. Gomez, in turn, provided the Habs with 7 goals and 31 assists over the span of 80 games.
To put this in perspective, Sergei Samsonov, who did not survive his first year playing for Montreal, was paid $3.525 million for 9 goals and 17 assists in 63 games for the Habs.
Why Montreal hasn't put Gomez on waivers, traded him to a team struggling to reach the cap floor, or just plain bought him out is a mystery.
Fearless prediction: the 2011-2012 season will be just as bad.
Ilya Kovalchuk
Cap hit: $6.667 million until 2025.
Last year's salary: $6 million
This is the person everyone will point to when they explain how, when, and why the Devils stopped being a perennial playoff contender. Like Gomez, Kovalchuk's contract prohibits the Devils from signing other skilled players. Maybe there's method in their madness, Maybe the Devils management has recognized that they can't fill their arena even halfway, and need a marquee player to fill the seats and sell jerseys. If that pipe dream comes true, the Devils will have a stadium full of people to watch the Devils lose.
Vincent Lecavalier
Cap hit: $7.727 million until 2020.
Last year's salary: $10 million
Lecavalier has seen a steady decline in his performance, coupled with an unparallelled rise in ego. Vinny has been responsible for the firings of two coaches, and his attitude is a cancer on the Tampa Bay Lightning. With Steve Yzerman at the helm, you can guarantee that Vinny will have at least one "Come to Jesus" meeting with Stevie Y. It's not too late, but Vinny needs to do two things: stop trying to run the Lightning organization, and start putting pucks in net again (or help his teammates do so). Otherwise, I doubt someone like Yzerman, who knows what it takes to win, will keep this guy around.
Rick Dipietro
Cap hit: $4.5 million until 2021.
Last year's salary: $4.5 million
Seriously, it's too easy. The guy is made of glass. After his fight with Brent Johnson, I said, "watch him be out for six weeks." I was joking. But he was indeed out for six weeks.
He has played a total 39 games during the last THREE seasons, with 11 wins. And the Isles have him until 2021.
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