Thank God you're stupid

Herp-a-derp!

Montreal did not extend qualifying offers to Tom Pyatt, Alex Picard, and Benoit Pouliot. Tom Pyatt, who had the most upside of all, could have been a Hab for a mere $500,000.

And yet the Habs decided that the useless pylon that is Roman Hamrlik was worthy of a contract offer. (And who cares what the offer was...he should be falling on his knees to give a wet sloppy one to anyone who even considers dressing him at this stage in his career).

Luckily for Montreal fans who don't enjoy seeing Junior-B ability in a red white and blue NHL jersey, he decided that he'd rather sit and wait for offers that will never come during Free Agency.

So, thanks Roman! You made a stupid decision from the Habs management actually bearable by rejecting the only contract offer you're going to get from an NHL team.

So...don't let the door hit your useless pylon ass on your way out. See you in the KHL!

Christmas wish list

So the drought has gone on for too long now. No, I'm not talking about Stanley Cup parades. I'm talking about Free Agency presents.

Montreal has been Mr. Potter, Ebenezer Scrooge, and the Grinch all rolled up into one for too many years now, and it's time for us Habs fans to get a huge present for Christmas on July 1st this year.

So, Santa Gauthier, I'm counting on you. Here's my wish list (just one item from this list would make this little boy very happy):

1. Scott Gomez goes away. That's right, we want to take this one to the exchange/returns counter as defective. What do you mean the warranty has expired?

2. Brad Richards. I want a Conn Smythe forward. This one has been at the top of my list for a while now. But from one year to the next the store shelves have been empty. Now we're there at 2 am, and the first in line for the store opening. Bring him home!

3. James Wisniewski. Come on, Pierre. We had zero second-round picks last week because you traded one of them for Dominic Moore, and the other for the Wiz. You made a mistake in letting Moore go, and also made an even bigger one by letting Marc Andre Bergeron go. Remember the power play last year? Want that to happen again? Want to have SOMETHING to show for not having any second-round picks this year? Re-sign the Wiz.

4. Failing any of these, a PK Subban jersey would at least give me something to wear as I watch the Habs lose every game in December.

See ya, Muller

Kirk Muller has been hired to coach the Predators' minor league team.

Not to worry. We'll see him back when Gauthier finally realizes Jacques Martin can't coach and fires his ass.

The Winnipeg ....'s?

So I finally have a reason to watch the NHL draft: Winnipeg will announce their name as they make their seventh overall pick tonight.

How much you wanna bet it won't be the Jets?

This just in: ESPN outdoes itself in the stupidity department.

http://espn.go.com/sportsnation/teamrankings

Notice how the Phoenix Coyotes, the financial leach on the NHL and its real fans, is ranked 28th out of 122 teams that "give back to the fans in exchange for all the time, money and emotion the fans invest in them."

Um, ESPN? Phoenix doesn't have fans. The team steals money from other fans.

And how the hell did the Lightning get to be SECOND? Their fans don't "invest" any emotion, time, or money, unless it's the third round of the playoffs and the folks in St. Petersburg finally notice they actually have a good local team.

68th on the list is the Montreal Canadiens, two places ahead of the Pittsburgh Pirates. OK, so Montreal has a championship drought, and has been plagued by bad management and supposedly high ticket prices. But don't lump them in the same position with a baseball team whose management is on record as not giving a fuck about baseball, Pirates fans, or for that matter, the city of Pittsburgh. When was the last time they finished the season above .500? 1991?

Two places behind the worst team in the world at 72, is the Boston Bruins.
Didn't the Bruins just do something kinda cool lately? I could have sworn they went far into the playoffs...oh right. They won the STANLEY CUP. And last time I checked, their tickets weren't that bad.

I'd love to laugh at the Maple Leafs position at #120, but this list is for shit.

ESPN used to be a great place for sports.  Now it's just a bunch of people yelling about NASCAR (only a real sport to those who have difficulty in making left turns, enjoy wrecks, or can't amuse themselves at under 100 dB).

Something to believe in

"Well I see him on the TV
Preachin' 'bout the southern land
He tells me believe in Phoenix
Steals the money from my hands

Some say he's a good man
Lord I think he sinned, yeah"


So opens Poison's song (with some modifications), "Something to believe in."


Now it looks like we really do have something to believe in, if only to prove a point:
Want to piss of Gary Bettman? Buy a Winnipeg jersey.

In short:
Fuck you, Gary.
Go Winnipeg.

The two phrases really are interchangeable.

And now, a message from Mother of Kovalev

Hoo boy, such excitement, who would have thought?  So sorry poolish activities are  done for year—so Mother of Kovalev makes everyone else look smart—like you wouldn’t believe—and what thanks I get?  Hmmf—no gratitude, where were you raised, in barn? In Vancouver street?  And who did raising?  For shame.  Stanley Cup gorgeous as always.  Stanley Cup guy seems nice—his mother must be proud—white gloves always clean, Cup always shiny.  But what with hair?  Is natural color, I don’t think so.  What is this, Donald Trumpishness?  And such a nice boy. Vancouver fans are pigs, such sorry losers.  If Mama Kovalev’s wishes come true, not a cow left in province.   Hawks Fan deserved win, go figure.  Tell him Mama Kovalev sends congratulations—but warning, should not sit back in glory, watch  out-- next year the Year of Mama Kovalev!