Fail Star

As we approach some sort of arbitrary break in the NHL season, I feel obligated to say this:

Congratulations to the NHL. You have finally succeeded in making me not care about the All Star game. Sure, you had some wacky ideas in the past, and while most of my hockey-watching friends shrugged off your bacchanalia of superlatives, weird uniforms, and bad hockey, I stood by you. You gave me a reason to watch: we got to vote on who was participating, and the process was straightforward. Also, no matter who you cheered for, you got to see at least someone from your team play, giving you someone to root for in an otherwise meaningless game.

This year, it was too much. Captains are choosing the teams, so what does my vote matter? And just what are the criteria for deciding who plays in the game or in the skills competition? I just don't get it.
You've complicated something that doesn't need complicating, and this has been the last straw. I won't be watching the skills competition, and I won't be watching the game.

Perhaps I could have seen this coming with your ill-advised decision to institute a questionably-manned judges panel last year.

In any case, have fun with your extravaganza. Here are some predictions:

• The musical guest will suck.
• The play will be terrible, and goalies will get lit up even worse than a Habs goalie on a Western Conference road swing.
• The announcers will try to make a big deal out of some minor on-ice disagreements two players have had in the past.
• The skills competition will be a letdown.
• People will talk about what great fans the host city has. (Note: The Hurricanes, despite being a recent Cup winner and still having an exciting team, cannot sell out their games.)
• There will be no fights.

Yawn. When do the Habs play again?

He shoot, he score!

Today we'll be taking a look at NHL Slapshot for Wii. For those of us whose only console is a Wii, our options are pretty limited when it comes to hockey games. Last year, 2K sports' NHL 2K10 was a real disappointment. Some reviewers praised it, but the game was unresponsive and frustrating.
On other consoles, the basic joy of lacing 'em up and playing a game of hockey was gone in favor of a rigorously complex set of maneuvers that kept players up at night studying control layouts.

Enter NHL Slapshot. EA has finally given Wii owners a hockey game. The results, though mixed, are very encouraging.

To start off with, the game is fun. This is not the sort of in-depth, use the shift button to make a saucer pass, hold down x and y while tapping z to make a triple-deke kind of hockey experience. NHL Slapshot is much simpler and free-flowing than any hockey video game in recent memory. The basic controls are: press A to pass; use the thumbstick to move, aim your pass, or aim your shot; swing the remote to shoot; and shove the remote outward to check. Hitting, passing, skating, shooting, scoring. Isn't that what hockey is at its heart?

Don't be put off by the cheap plastic stick that comes in the box: it flat-out works. It's actually so natural, you'll feel weird playing without it. Shooting is just as easy as flicking the stick. This is a hockey video game, so one-timers are essential. If you're worried about any lag between a quick pass and taking a shot, don't be: the motion-controlled remote still handles these as well as any game ever made. Passing is much more fluid than 2K's offerings was. In their recent games, you had to wait while your player took a hit or slowly got used to the fact that he had just received a pass before he could do anything with the puck. In NHL Slapshot, touch passes are easy to pull off. Experienced gamers will be able to pass all over the ice like the Soviets.


What makes the game so much fun is its simplicity. You don't have to know the right button combination to pull off a saucer pass, and what's more, that kind of knowledge isn't obligatory if you want to survive on anything but the lowest difficulty level. So often, developers have tried to include all the advanced crap that makes playing in the NHL so damn difficult. What they succeed in doing is making a video game that requires almost as much memorization and study as a Jane's military flight sim. And what's more, all that advanced crap actually makes the game LESS realistic. (Oddly enough, in NHL Slapshot, shot-blocking is incredibly realistic.)


The controls on NHL Slapshot can get more complex if you want. There are speed bursts, poke checks, hooks, shot-blocking, and deking. You can go to a team's page and select what kind of strategies they use for offense and defense, and even select different formations for each forward line. That's standard fare in most hockey video games, but it bears mentioning here, since on the surface it's an extremely simple game. But for those who want more depth, it's there.


There are problems with the game. The poke check function has a very low probability of success, while the control for lifting the stick is fundamentally broken. What you're left with is having to shove the remote out like you're cross-checking in order to make a body check, and you'll likely find yourself out of position when you do it.

Some things you won't find in the game are: fighting, any unlockables (unless tiny icons of your trophies count), sliders to adjust the gameplay, franchise mode, or intelligent teammates.
The exclusion of fighting is something that makes sense, given the casual/young gamers EA is targeting. The only hidden gem you'll find is that Wayne Gretzky himself is on the Free Agent list. So if you're an Oilers fan pining for the Great One, or maybe a Leafs fan who always thought Wayne would have looked good in blue and white, he's there for the taking. There are no unlockable teams, players, cards, or any other goodies. What you see is what you get.

Speaking of what you see: the animations are a mixed bag. The in-game animations are some of the best interpretations of skating mechanics yet seen, while the cut-scenes of players faces are ridiculously generic. You'll have a hard time seeing any resemblance to any player.

Some gamers will find the game incredibly easy on anything but the toughest difficulty level (there are four settings). At that highest level, you may wish you a slider to make your poke checks a little more effective, or make the other team's player less likely to simply shrug off five thundering body checks as he plows his way to the net. Where this game is truly the most fun is when you're playing against other people.

The most depth you'll find is in the Pee-wee to Pro mode, where you take your little player all the way through Peewees, Bantams, Juniors, to the pros. You can hold out for your favorite junior and NHL teams, or take your chances in the draft. The mode is quite a lot of fun, but has some real problems. If you're a forward, get used to waiting at the blue line as your defensemen try to carry the puck end-to-end. It's extremely frustrating to get in perfect position for an odd-man rush, only to see your selfish teammate hog the puck giving the other team time to backcheck, and forcing you to either go offsides or be completely behind the play. Raising the difficulty level doesn't make your defensemen any more willing to pass, only more likely to be stripped of the puck at center ice.
Every goal, either for or against, occurs while you're on the ice in Pee-wee to Pro, so you'll be master of your team's destiny, even though you control no players except your own skater.

At its heart, NHL Slapshot is a lot of fun, with basic, intuitive controls that work amazingly well. There is some depth for folks looking for a more immersive experience, but not much. EA sports is really on to something here. They have created a satisfying experience that comes closer to really playing hockey than anything we've seen. There could be more depth to the game, but EA chose to concentrate on doing a few things well, rather than throw in a bunch of semi-functional garbage.



What EA did well:
Simple controls
Effective controls
Beautiful skating animations
Gary Thorne and Bill Clement!

On my wish list for next year's iteration:
Less selfish teammates
Franchise mode
Unlockable teams/players
Better face animations
Sliders to adjust game play


Final Score: 7.9

Hold on to your butts...

That is what I said after the Habs went up 3-0 last night against the Flames. When they went up 4-0, I went online and found this clip:



That was in preparation of today's blog post. Because I KNEW the Habs would sit back and play their putrid brand of defense. To no one's surprise, the Flames scored two second-period goals, one coming at the tail-end of the period, when the Habs went into one of their patented end-of-period comas.

That was no surprise. What was surprising was just how badly the Habs started the third period. Passes went right to Flames sticks, breakouts were horrendous (if what we saw could even be called breakouts), and to a man, the Habs played worse than any beer-league team I've ever seen.

And then something happened: when the Flames tied it up, The Habs started passing. They started shooting. They broke out well. They played professional-quality hockey.

Last night was the perfect exhibition of what is right and wrong with the Montreal Canadiens. When they need to score, they play well. When they think they have a lead, they play some of the worst hockey you'll ever see in your life. And yet we see this all the time: against the Rangers on Saturday, they completely dominated, until they had a two-goal lead. Then they sat back and almost threw it all away.
Back in late December, Montreal was demolishing the Hurricanes, only to hang on for dear life as they let Carolina come at them at the end of the 3rd period.

So what needs to be done? Jacques Martin MUST stop pulling the reins when Montreal has a lead. It may be counter-intuitive, but defending a lead simply doesn't work for this team. Martin needs to subscribe to the theory that the best defense is a good offense. This is a team built on speed, transition, and scoring. This team is NOT the circa 2000 New Jersey Devils.


So, on behalf of all Montreal Canadiens fan, I say:

Mr. Martin,

PUH-LEEZE STOP trying to sit back on leads. You are no damn good at it. Either start pressing your advantage, or start actually practicing defending leads. We're sick of what we're seeing, and it must stop. Our hearts can't take much more of this.

Sincerely,
All of us

Mother Russia

So imagine you're watching a hockey game, and after two periods, you're dead asleep and decide that the game is all but finished, and decide to hit the hay.

Imagine you wake up the next morning and turn on the hockey highlights at 7 am. Imagine your increasing surprise when you see the heretofore down and out team score one, two, three, four five goals in the third period, completing a shocking comeback.

Canada had their foot on the snake, and they let up. It was an amazing collapse, and an amazing comeback for the Russians. Canada should have known Russia's penchant for dazzling third-period surges. It seems unimaginable, having seen team Canada play like pros against the Americans and for the first two periods against Russia.

So, we come to it: Canada may have gotten revenge against the US for last year, but cannot claim themselves the undisputed best in the world. Once again, they come home second best in "their" sport.

It was a shocking defeat. Imagine if the US had lost the gold-medal game to Finland in 1980. As Herb Brooks said to his team during that match, "You'll take it to your graves." I am not going to be so melodramatic as to suggest that these young men will have a lifetime of remorse. Unlike the 1980 US team, most of them have a lot of hockey left to play, with most of them destined for the NHL. But their jubilation at having so soundly beaten the USA has taken a very bitter turn today.

It's interesting for this US citizen who is so proud of his Russian heritage. I am very happy that Russia won. But I can't help feel bad for the Canadian boys who were doing so well, and had such high hopes. Losing gold at the WJC would not have hurt nearly as bad for any other team (save Finland losing against Sweden). Perhaps no other country puts so much of its national pride on the line for one sport as the Canadians do.

What I'm suggesting is, perhaps it's time to stop setting yourself up for disappointment. Canada puts some of the best players in the world on the ice. The best hockey player in the world at this moment is a Canadian. But the gap is extremely narrow, and the US, Sweden, Russia, and Finland all can claim a very large piece of the hockey pie. The Czechs and Slovakians can also lay claim to some significant portions as well. If any of those countries lose, it hurts. It sucks. But it's not the end of the world. For Canada, that seems to be the case.

Canada is indeed one of the best hockey countries in the world. If you want to keep claiming it as "your" sport, go ahead. Just be prepared to see other people from other countries playing your game better than you can sometimes.

O Canada

Well, that was interesting. After some lackluster performances, Team Canada looked like NHLers against our Boys in Blue. They took the body, stifled the US offense, and made the Americans pay for every mistake they made.

So, hats off to the Canadians. They came in with the goal of avenging last year's lost, and they made their point.

Winter Classic

So here are some thoughts from the NHL's annual (and only) celebration of its roots.

Dear NBC: You suck. Seriously, just show us the game as it's happening, without those stupid aerial views in which we can see NOTHING. And those views from above center ice, like we're playing NHL 94 or something? Useless, and disorienting. Just stop trying to be all cutesy with your camera views, and show us the view from the red line seats. And come to think of it, this applies to all you idiot broadcasters who think that some view from behind the net or other wacky view is somehow more desirable than just zooming in when the puck's in an offensive zone, and zooming out when it's in the neutral zone. There's nothing to it. Keep it simple, and I promise, no one gets hurt.

Sidney Crosby. Without question, the best hockey player in the world, at this point in time. But still also one of the bitchiest, cheapest assholes in the league as well. Gotta love when Pierre McGuire describes the Washington bench as being "apoplectic" when Crosby cheap-shotted an opponent. No worries, though. He got some of his own at the end of the second period. Someone remind me to buy David Steckel a beer. And Sidney, there will be no payback on a later date as you claim. That WAS the payback.

This was a good example of how NOT to play defense in the NHL. Washington came out on top for having a slightly less-crappy defense than Pittsburgh.

So what do you make of that non-goal of Ovechkin? I can agree that he had no intent to interfere with, and did a good job of holding up, Marc-Andre Fleury. But then again, I don't think Fleury was able to get into position in time for Ovy's shot. But then again, do we really have to coddle the goalies like that?

Pat LaFontaine's backyard is AWESOME. Want.

Am I the only one who was reminded of the end of "Youngblood" by the end of that game? It could be because I had recently watched it, but I could almost hear someone saying "Let's go, pretty boy" at that last faceoff.

I'd love to see an Edmonton-Calgary matchup some time for this game, but that's not likely to happen until two things happen: 1) Gary Bettman dies or resigns, 2)they both get competitive.

In all, a good game, but I've had it with the superlatives coming from the announcer gushing about how pure the game is outside, blah blah blah, and those wacky camera angles that alienate both normal viewers and newcomers.