Pierre Gauthier: "We have the goalie we want."

After much speculation regarding who would be the number one goalie for the Habs this upcoming season, Canadiens' GM Pierre Gauthier finally put those to rest by saying that the Habs were going forward with Alex Auld as their number one.

"We feel we have a really competitive team right now. Last year's playoff run was a step in the right direction, and we now feel we have all the right pieces in place to build on that success."

No word yet as to whether any other teams are pursuing now former Habs goalie, Carey Price. When asked whether they made the right decision in trading Jaroslav Halak, Gauthier commented,

"We were very grateful for the outstanding play and dedication we received from Jaro. However, we feel that Alex Auld is the future of our club. We wish Jaro all the best, but as most folks know, this is a business, and we feel that Alex gives us the best chance of winning the Cup."

Special Weekend edition

Dear TSN:

No one cares about Tomas Kaberle.
NO ONE.
So, like, report on something else.

Sincerely,
Everyone.

The Barry Melrose Award

Awarded to the league's most obnoxious douchebag broadcaster

And the winner is:

Jeremy Roenick


A few thoughts to share with you, JR:

1. You're as much a Flyer as you are a Blackhawk
2. Be that as it may, you're not really part of either team, since you're in the broadcast booth and your playing days are over.
3. STFU. This is THEIR moment, not yours.
4. Thanks for making a wonderful moment into one of the most awkward I've ever witnessed. 
5. Did I mention STFU?

Karri is a Canadien!

No, you're not seeing another one of Jaroslav Halak's awesome posts from Four Habs Fans.
We're talking about Karri Ramo, the Finnish goaltender the Habs just acquired for Cedrick Desjardins.
Sacre Bleu! Trading away a French-Canadian?
No word yet on Carey Price and what the hell is taking so long for him to come to a contract, but I'm sure it's no big deal. I'm sure of it. I'm pretty much positively sure it's no big deal. No reason to worry...

The Mario Tremblay Memorial Trophy

Awarded to the league's worst coach

And the winner is:

John Tortorella

How many times can we talk about a Rangers team that was far worse than they should have been? As many times as it takes until someone finally does something about it. A team with the likes of Marion Gaborik, Chris Drury, Vaclav Prospal, Olli Jokinen, And a bunch of talented younger players should not struggle to score. But struggle they did, and the final nail came when Tortorella held his team back from going on all-out offense in the dying moments of the final game of the season. The gamble did not pay off: The Rangers lost in the shootout, and the team missed the playoffs.

Whatever it is you tried to do last season, you should do the opposite this year, Mr. Tortorella.

The other shoe drops

Bolstered by a judge's completely arbitrary, unfounded ruling on the Kovalchuk contract, the NHL is now on a rampage, going after the front-loaded contracts of several other players.
So far, The NHL is going after Marc Savard, Chris Pronger, Marion Hossa, and Roberto Luongo.

Told you so.

Anyone still think the judge made a good ruling?


When your favorite player is torn from his team because the NHL has decided it doesn't like his contract, where will you stand?

Incidentally, I don't see Vincent Lecavalier, Eric Staal, or any other southern players on the NHL's inquisition list.

Arbitrator in Kovalchuk case: "I can read minds."

The judge's findings of fact:

• The Contract is for 17 years. 
• 17 years is a long time. 
• Ilya Kovalchuk is 27 years old. 
• The NHL does not like the deal. 

The judge's findings, based on innuendo, intuition, and extra-legal evaluation:

• It's not FAIR!

So  Richard Bloch has decided that he can divine intent, without actually deciding whether or not the contract adheres to the actual rules of the Collective Bargaining Agreement between the NHL and the Players' Association.
Awesome. So we can now decide the merits of contracts based, not so much on whether they adhere to existing laws, but whether or not we LIKE them or not. What a wonderful precedent this sets for the NHL to throw out contracts willy nilly.

Watch for Kovalchuk to go to Russia, and the NHL to lose a marquee player.
And this will undoubtedly bolster Bettman's already inflated ego enough to sacrifice another season when the current CBA expires.

What a wonderful day this must be for the crooks at the NHL head office.

The Gary Bettman trophy

Awarded for the league's worst management

And the winner is:

The NHL/Phoenix Coyotes

Gary Bettman is the worst league commissioner that ever lived. And that includes Alan Eagleson.
He has made the NHL a laughing stock, and has now made one of its teams into a punchline.
The Phoenix Coyotes have no business-literally-in Arizona. They don't sell tickets, and they drain the rest of the league's revenues.

There are buyers out there. But Gary Bettman has no intention of selling the Coyotes to anyone who will move the team out of Phoenix. No, he insists on making much less money from a sale that keeps the team where it is.

And so far, that sale has not yet materialized. So now Gary is stuck as the owner of a team whose interests are contrary to those of the league's.

Nice going, Barry.
You suck at life.

The Gorton's Fisherman Memorial Trophy

Awarded for the league's worst uniform

And the winner is:

The Atlanta Thrashers third jersey

As #31 pointed out, this piece of garbage is an ill-conceived attempt to trick Georgians into thinking it's a football uniform.
I can't even begin to explain the weird side panels with the angled stripes. In short, it has no redeeming qualities whatsoever. Ugliest uniform in the league.

The Claude Lemieux Trophy

Awarded to the league's biggest pansy for acts of cowardice and gutlessness

And the winner is:




Matt Cooke

Pretty self-explanatory