The Jerry Seinfeld Award:

Awarded to the most obnoxious, asshole fans in the league

And the winners are:


Philadelphia Flyers fans

Montreal Gazette reporter Pat Hickey had his tires slashed while he was in Philadelphia covering the Flyers-Habs series. All because he had Quebec plates. Nice job, Philly fans. Way to bring honor and respect to your city. Of course, that shit-ass town did not have far to fall, as its residents have made a reputation for taking the frustration of living in their putrid, decaying cesspool out on anyone who has the misfortune of passing through. If anyone represents the average Philadelphian, it's Daniel Carcillo. Greasy, obnoxious, ill-mannered, ugly, and stupid; and convinced that these foul qualities make him "colorful."

Hooray!

We finally have a goalie.

Oh right, it's Carey Price.

Well, back to watching Habs-Pens highlights...

Pierre Gauthier: "We have the goalie we want."

After much speculation regarding who would be the number one goalie for the Habs this upcoming season, Canadiens' GM Pierre Gauthier finally put those to rest by saying that the Habs were going forward with Alex Auld as their number one.

"We feel we have a really competitive team right now. Last year's playoff run was a step in the right direction, and we now feel we have all the right pieces in place to build on that success."

No word yet as to whether any other teams are pursuing now former Habs goalie, Carey Price. When asked whether they made the right decision in trading Jaroslav Halak, Gauthier commented,

"We were very grateful for the outstanding play and dedication we received from Jaro. However, we feel that Alex Auld is the future of our club. We wish Jaro all the best, but as most folks know, this is a business, and we feel that Alex gives us the best chance of winning the Cup."

Special Weekend edition

Dear TSN:

No one cares about Tomas Kaberle.
NO ONE.
So, like, report on something else.

Sincerely,
Everyone.

The Barry Melrose Award

Awarded to the league's most obnoxious douchebag broadcaster

And the winner is:

Jeremy Roenick


A few thoughts to share with you, JR:

1. You're as much a Flyer as you are a Blackhawk
2. Be that as it may, you're not really part of either team, since you're in the broadcast booth and your playing days are over.
3. STFU. This is THEIR moment, not yours.
4. Thanks for making a wonderful moment into one of the most awkward I've ever witnessed. 
5. Did I mention STFU?

Karri is a Canadien!

No, you're not seeing another one of Jaroslav Halak's awesome posts from Four Habs Fans.
We're talking about Karri Ramo, the Finnish goaltender the Habs just acquired for Cedrick Desjardins.
Sacre Bleu! Trading away a French-Canadian?
No word yet on Carey Price and what the hell is taking so long for him to come to a contract, but I'm sure it's no big deal. I'm sure of it. I'm pretty much positively sure it's no big deal. No reason to worry...

The Mario Tremblay Memorial Trophy

Awarded to the league's worst coach

And the winner is:

John Tortorella

How many times can we talk about a Rangers team that was far worse than they should have been? As many times as it takes until someone finally does something about it. A team with the likes of Marion Gaborik, Chris Drury, Vaclav Prospal, Olli Jokinen, And a bunch of talented younger players should not struggle to score. But struggle they did, and the final nail came when Tortorella held his team back from going on all-out offense in the dying moments of the final game of the season. The gamble did not pay off: The Rangers lost in the shootout, and the team missed the playoffs.

Whatever it is you tried to do last season, you should do the opposite this year, Mr. Tortorella.