Saturday, January 30, 2010

Annnnnnnddddd...

...there goes the season.

Friday, January 29, 2010

Olympics Preview and Predictions

With two weeks left until the Olympics, my patience is wearing thin.
So to pass the time, let's take a look at the participants.

Here
are the current rosters for each Olympic hockey team.

Here's a look at some of them:

Sweden: The days of accusing Swedes of being floaters are over. True, they still value highly skilled players who can pass and skate circles around you, but they're tough to knock off the puck too. The only weak spot may be in goal, with Henrik Lundqvist. But as he is used to having zero goal support, he may find the Olympics a walk in the park compared to having to bail out his team every night. Their defense is excellent, and the offense is superbly skilled. Gold medalists again.

Canada: An all-NHL team, replete with the best line in hockey of Heatley/Thornton/Marleau. An outstanding team, and one that expects to win it all. You can't argue with Brodeur, the Sharks' scoring powerhouse, and Scott Niedermayer all working together, but they do have some very young players as well. The defense is largely comprised of grind-it-out types. My pick to win Silver.

Russia: My pick for Bronze. You can't go wrong with Malkin, Ovechkin, Semin, Datsyuk, and Kovalchuk on offense. But after the first two lines, the talent drops off a bit to include a lot of players from the KHL. Some of those KHL'ers are former NHL players, and their days of being able to keep up with the competition they'll be facing may be over. Nabokov will do well in goal, but Russia may find itself out-maneuvered in the line-matching department.


Slovakia
: This year's Dark Horse, I am picking them to lose the bronze medal game. The IIHF has them ranked 10th in the world, but they are truly underrated. Jaroslav Halak is having a good season, and if he can bring that to Vancouver, he may just shock everyone. The problem with Slovakia is, just like Halak, there are a lot of "ifs." IF Gaborik can keep up his torrid scoring. IF Marian Hossa brings the same A-game he has to Chicago. IF Zdeno Chara can elevate the rest of his defensemen. There is a LOT of talent on this team, showing that they are finally coming up alongside their twin...



Czech Republic: An always stalwart team, but the days of their dominance over their former countrymen may be over. There are really no standout players on the team, and the stars they have are either of middle-stature on the super all-star scale, or are way past their prime (I'm looking your way, Jaro).

Finland: This year it may be Slovakia vs Czech Republic for an interesting geographical rivalry. Last time around it was Finland and Sweden. Finland develops hockey players like North Americans. They usually come into the NHL as good checkers and with balanced defensive skills to match their offense. In fact, a common complaint of native Finns is that their players are too much like grind-it-out North Americans, without the razzle-dazzle of the hated Swedes. The team has no real superstars except for Kiprusoff and Selanne, but the one word that best describes the Finns is "heart."

USA: A good, but not great team. They will definitely be good enough to beat up on the lower-tiered teams at the Olympics, but will have their hands full with the elite ones. Who knows? Maybe they'll pull out an upset.

The also-rans include the Swiss, Norway, Latvia, Belarus, and Germany.

Disagree? Agree? Post some comments, dammit.

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Olympics preview part 3

Let that be a warning to you.

The NHLPA and the NHL made a big old whiny stink about Team Russia's insistence that they could change the roster up to February 16th. Basically the fuss was to protect the interests of the Canadian and US teams at the tournament. And right on cue, we see team Canada start to become very nervous about all its injured players.
Make no mistake: Team Canada is worried. Their chances of winning gold are not all that great, and you can imagine the scream that will be heard halfway across the continent should Don Cherry see his homeland come up short twice in one year. Imagine the further consternation should Canada fail to medal at all (another distinct possibility). "What happened to Canadian dominance?" "We invented this game!" "No fair!"

Both Russia and Canada admit that their rosters can be based largely upon the opposing team's players, and Canada needs all the edge it can get. So it seems that the stink the NHL and NHLPA is raising is a shallow attempt to get a leg up on what could very well be a superior Russian team.

Perhaps no nation in the world places so much pride in how well it plays a single sport as Canada does. Even the Brazilians understand that Germany has a damn good soccer team. Then again, none of the World Cup elites claim to have INVENTED soccer/football. Canadians desperately want their hockey team to win gold, and there are some extremely lofty expectations. True, the Canadian team is composed solely of NHL elite, but I'm not the only one who will tell you that the Canadian team is not head and shoulders above its competition; it may not even be the best team coming to Vancouver. This is the reality that many Canadians are simply not willing to face.

What we're seeing eerily reminds me of the complaint that a lot of Habs fans have had for years. They feel the team is OWED a championship, and that fairly regularly. The team was so awesome and feared in the past, it ought to be now, based solely on its historic reputation. Nevermind that you have to WORK for what you get, that championships are earned, not granted.

If you want to factor a team's history into how it's treated, go watch NCAA basketball. Even when UNC had horrendously bad teams, they could still count on a completely undeserved bid to the tournament.

Some folks follow the front-runner. Others get sick of dynasties. A subset of those folks is the ones who will always root for the underdog. In the last Olympiad, I cheered for three teams: Russia (homeland of my ancestors), USA (MY home country), and Finland (Exhibit A for underdogs; also, Saku Koivu's team). I also had money riding on Sweden winning the whole thing, which made the Gold medal game even more interesting.
I cheered, and my mother cried when the Unified Team won gold at the 1992 Olympics. It was an exceptional moment for a region that had experienced so much upheaval, and a moment of pride for my family.

I gave my soul to a Canadian hockey team, and I firmly believe that hockey belongs in Canada, not Florida. But Canadians also have to respect that other nations are damned good at the sport, and gold medals are not a birthright. They can want gold, but they'd better not be expecting it as a matter of course.

Perhaps my criticism is better directed towards Don Cherry and his overt racism*. I was expecting some apologist ranting after the US won the WJC, and he did not disappoint: "We COULDA won." "We're the BEST!"
I wonder what his explanation will be if Slovakia (this year's dark horse) wins gold in Vancouver. Did the Slovakians also learn to play the game as youths in the Canadian Junior leagues?

I'm ambivalent about the Canadian team. They have a good group of players, but they're not MY team, nor are they an underdog or compelling enough to get behind as an adopted team when the US is shown the door. If Canada wins gold, I can pretty much paraphrase Don Cherry's ebullient victory speech about how Canadians always have been and always will be the best hockey players in the world, how no one else plays the game right, and spouting the typical conservative claptrap that good old boys from the farm with good Christian values will always be victorious over communistic atheistic privileged Armani-wearing pasty-faced floating gutless fancy-schmancy Europeans.

It's hard to argue with Canada's statistical dominance: They have won eight gold medals and 15 medals overall in Olympic hockey. USA is a distant second with three gold, and 12 overall. But, as before, past performance is no guarantee of future success. Just ask the Habs.





*A word on racism: My understanding of it is it's when a person makes some distinction based on how another group of people looks, speaks, or (allegedly) behaves. What makes Don Cherry's racism so unique is its particularly broad scope. Very few people actually qualify as the type of person Don would ever associate with. In order to be worthy, you must: A) be born in Canada, A1) Quebec does not count, B) not solely rely on agility (ie, preferably be on a checking line, though goal-scoring is allowed in certain c circumstances), and C) preferably be of Irish descent.
I would love to remind Don how in a not-so-distant past, he would have been treated to "Irish need not apply" signs.

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Dwayne Johnson: Fairy















I'm curious why we're seeing ads for the upcoming movie "The Tooth Fairy" running during hockey games. It seems the ad campaign started on the day of the Winter Classic, and I have yet to see a game since without being subjected to it.

I'm not going to see the movie, and probably don't need to in order to tell you it sucks. Plot made simple: It's "The Santa Clause", only with toothfairies. (Aside: Those Tim Allen fiascoes have made it harder to find one of my favorite Christmas movies, "Santa Claus: the Movie.") Besides, didn't The Rock already make a ruinous sports movie? What, it wasn't enough to make football into a farce, Dwayne?

It's not the disregard for even modest accuracy that bothers me (goalie chest pads on a skater?). It's the total lack of any GOOD hockey movies.

What do you think of when someone says "Hockey Movie"? Let's put it another way:
The best way to tell the difference between a real hockey fan and a nincompoop is their response to "name your favorite hockey movie." The former will be duty-bound to say "Slap Shot." The latter will blurt out "The Mighty Ducks", mostly because it's the only hockey movie they know. And that's the problem. We don't have much from which to choose. Below is a pretty exhaustive list:

Slap Shot: Ogilthorpe!
Miracle: Underrated and under-appreciated
The Rocket: A largely overlooked yet outstanding film about Maurice Richard
Mystery Alaska: A very funny film that, while true to amateur hockey, leaves a bit to be desired in its on-ice depictions
Youngblood: A deeply flawed but entertaining film about violence in hockey.
The Deadliest Season: For those who REALLY look long and hard for hockey movies, and featuring Tim 'Dr Hook' McCracken!
The Mighty Ducks travesties: Triple deke!
The Love Guru: Go to hell, Michael Myers.
We won't be discussing Slap Shot 2 because it never happened.
And now, Dwayne as The Fairy.

We'll also leave out the movies that feature casual examples of hockey, such as Chasing Amy or Happy Gilmore.

Like I said, The Rock also made a horrendous football movie, but it's outweighed by a large selection of excellent films. Alas, this season hockey gets Dwayne, while we watch football get Sandra Bullock. No fair.

In fact, ask a fan for his/her favorite football movie and you might get "The Longest Yard" (the ONLY version), "Remember the Titans," or maybe even "Brian's Song."
Sure, there are some bad football movies ("The Replacements"), but they are part of a much larger amount of films devoted to the subject*. So a bad one here and there doesn't really sting - you just wait for the next one, which is certainly already in production.
*Does "Jerry Maguire" count as a football movie? I'm so confused! Tom Cruise makes me confused about so many things! Aghhhh!

We don't get that with hockey. Only once in a while does a movie specifically ABOUT hockey come out, and if it sucks, we have to wait a long, long time for the next one.

So on reflection, what bothers me is not that this Toothfairy nonsense is a bad movie. It's the fact that we get so few movies about hockey.

Let's feed this into the Sports Analogy Creator 9000:
Result: Imagine you're a fan of a particular team that has only managed to make the championship game a couple of times, and most seasons are below 500, with only a few that were really great in recent memory. Analogy complete: You are the Baltimore Orioles.

Pity my dad though. He's a sailing fan, and all he's got to choose from is "Captain Ron" and "Wind". He's the friggin' Kansas City Royals.

Let's also take a moment to feel sorry for the poor figure-skating fans. All they've got is "The Cutting Edge." (Which, while ridiculous, is still required viewing for any hockey player who dates or hopes to date a figure skater. Toe Pick!)

So I suppose it could be worse. We get to watch Olympic hockey (Huzzah!) in a few weeks, and we can always pop in our old copies of Slap Shot, while we wait for the next hockey movie debacle.

Monday, January 18, 2010

Dear MAB: You suck.



Yeah, that about sums up what I'd like to say to Mrc-Andre Bergeron.
Pinching when he shouldn't be, where he shouldn't be. Joining the rush when there's already a forward there. Coughing up the puck at the blueline a billion times so far this season.

And that goes for you too, Jacques. You suck so bad as a coach, you can't fix this trainwreck of a defenseman. And that goes for you too Bob. Your idea of having shitty defensemen double as even-strength forwards Does. Not. Work.



On a super happy fun time positive note, Cammalleri is your God. All shall love him and despair.

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Nancy Kerrigan: "Anyone have any Advil?"

Ever put the left shoe on the right foot? Imagine that sensation, but in your knee.
On New Year's eve I had my knee hyper-extended. To be more accurate, pressure was applied at the knee in such a way as to cause is to bend backward, "beyond its normal fully straightened position."

Let me tell you, it sucked. As it happens, it was caused by my 75-lb dog coming around a corner at a full run and straight into me.

It doesn't quite feel the way you would expect: there was no cracking or snapping, but a weird, instantaneous sensation of "this sure as hell ain't right."

I won't get into the finer points of knee-on-knee hits, or hits aimed at the knee in the NHL. I simply wanted to provide some insight into what the guys on the ice might be feeling when you see them writhing on the ice screaming bloody murder like I was.

I live out in the country where death and injury are much closer than we like to think, where a chainsaw will maim you the moment you fail to respect it. A neighbor of mine recently died from an accident involving a tractor. So taken as a whole, this isn't so bad. It sure does make walking through all that snow and ice a real pain, though.

Feel free to share your own real-world injury stories in the comments.

Friday, January 8, 2010

I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer...

Rather than ignore it, let's face this head-on:
Jaroslav Halak vs Carey Price

The problem with writing in this medium is that it lends itself to (bad) opinion journalism. As most of my writing on this blog is opinion, I'll accept that any attempt to be objective will be unbelievable.

I definitely have an opinion about Price and Halak and each one's future in Montreal. It's nuanced, and it's subject to change, but I'm going to withhold it.

Rather than provide a detailed analysis of the two, I'll go ahead and put it to the reader(s).

People are talking about it, so why shouldn't we too?

Marc Andre Bergeron

I really don't understand the praise this guy has been receiving. Since he came to Montreal, ostensibly to bolster the power play, I have watched one pass to the point after another go right past him, into the neutral zone. Last night, he was saved by a lucky penalty call when he coughed up the puck on a horrible stickhandling play at his own blue line. This team leads the league in giveaways, and he is one of the worst offenders. If the Canadiens do make the playoffs, it almost a sure thing that some opponent will score at least one goal because of a Bergeron giveaway.

And if it isn't Begeron, it will definitely be Gomez.


Aw hell, Habs won last night, so I shouldn't be too tough on them. But Jeez!

Thursday, January 7, 2010

Flyers aren't tough.

Mike Richards with a cheap shot from behind, and when the Leafs tried to make him answer for it, Simon Gagne used the coward's tactic of being the third man in.

Daniel Carcillo needs to understand two things:
One: he cannot grow facial hair. His 13-year-old boy moustache attempt makes him look like a child molester. Or like Gunther.
Two: if he keeps on grandstanding for the fans after losing fights, someone is eventually going to give him a gaping hole where his teeth used to be to go along with that poop stain on his upper lip.

Take note Phhbbbbphphplyers fans: your team isn't tough. It's a bunch of cheap, dirty punks, and everyone knows it.

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Saku Koivu

Last night, Saku Koivu did his best Maurice Richard impression, scoring his 200th career goal. It was on the penalty kill, and he practically carried a Red Wing on his back to score.
While Koivu hasn't exactly been tearing any holes in the twine in Anaheim, we still miss him over on this side of the continent.

Congratulations, Saku.

Team Sweden announces Olympic roster:

Sweden has basically five players you need to know about:

___________ ____berg
___________ ____strom
___________ ____sson
___________ ____din
___________ ____quist

USA! USA! USA!

In case you weren't paying attention, the World Junior Championships just ended, with USA taking gold in the final match against Canada.
This ends a five-year streak of championships for Canada, and I am looking forward to what Don Cherry will say about it on Saturday night's Coach's Corner segment.
The last call (goaltender interference) against team USA gave Canada enough momentum to tie the game with two late goals--a comeback that was eerily similar to Canada's comeback win over USA on New Year's eve.

USA tried to trap their way to victory, but the lesson here was that these kids did not have enough skill to sit on a lead. As Herb Brooks said, "Play your game." Completely altering the game plan was a mistake from coach Dean Blais. How many times have we seen teams try to hold onto leads by completely backing off, only to allow their opponents right back into the game? The play from the kids was obviously on a lower level than we're used to seeing from professional games, but surprisingly, so was the coaching.

In any case, we saw a different outcome this time as John Carlson scored on a 2-on-1 rush a few minutes into overtime.

One severe complaint was that they spent ENTIRELY too long after the game ended keeping those kids on the ice while they announced MVP's, players of the game from different rosters, and this and that presentation. It was a badly planned ending to an exciting game, and it was unfair to both the winners and the losers of the match to keep them on the ice for five minutes, with only a few of the players actually getting whatever consolation awards that were handed out.
Another aggravation was the NHL network's announcers talking non-stop the entire time during the post-game presentation, so the viewer had no idea what was even going on. Instead of shutting up and letting the events unfold with a bit of insight here and there, the announcers filled every second with useless babble that had nothing to do with what was actually going on. They also kept USA's captain so long in an inane post-game interview that he almost missed the ceremonial handshake entirely. The announcers talked right up to the first few notes of the Star Spangled Banner, and it was infuriating.

In any case, for those that were watching, it was a great tune-up for the upcoming Vancouver Olympics. We'll definitely have a lot on that here as well in the upcoming weeks.

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Hey, didn't they play some game outdoors?

Yeah, I'm just getting around to writing about it.
I was wondering when we'd see the first fight at one of these games, and we finally got one. This was probably the only year it was remotely likely, as the temperature was just too low in past years.

That said, Bob Costas and the rest of the NBC crew REALLY needed to stfu about the whole rivalry between Boston and Philadelphia. Such a thing does not exist, and has not existed since the 70's. The last time Boston played Philadelphia in the playoffs was in 1977, winning in a four-game sweep. There is no playoff rivalry, the two teams play in different divisions, and the only bad blood in recent memory stems from the Randy Jones cheap shot that injured Patrice Bergeron. And that was in October 2007, and Jones no longer plays for the Flyers.

In fact, most of NBC's coverage was shallow and uninformative. It's something they definitely need to work on.

Had to say I was rooting for the Bruins to win this one. It's like the Super Bowl: you have to pick a side, even if you hate both teams (like I do, in this case).
Trouble with the Flyers: somehow in the past couple years, they got confused about the difference between "Tough" and "Dirty." These Flyers definitely fall into the latter category. Hits from behind, loose sticks and elbows do not qualify as hard-hitting hockey. They qualify as justification for a beating.

Bergeron's game-winning play was magnificent. THAT is what tough hockey is. Philly players should take note.

Bride of Kovalev was watching, and commented that next year's matchup should be obvious (and will therefore never even be considered by Herr Bettman): Washington Capitals versus New York Rangers in Yankee Stadium. A day later Glenn Healey agreed.
You get the league's most exciting (read: marketable) player, in one of the league's biggest markets, in an iconic venue. If there's a bowl game there, then hell, play it at Shea, or whatever they call it now.
It makes perfect sense from a marketing standpoint, and puts the game in a reasonable setting for outdoor hockey. The only caveat is that the NHL seems to like putting up-and-coming teams in these matchups, and the Rangers are treading water.
The NHL is in an interesting position with this game. They can keep the momentum, or fuck it up. With Gary Bettman at the wheel, odds are he'll pick option number 2. New York may not make sense from a competitive standpoint, but they do from a weather and marketing one. The non-negotiable part is the Capitals. They MUST put Ovechkin in next year's game, and if they don't they are shooting themselves in the foot.
God help us if they put this game in Dallas or LA or some shitty place like that. Imagine: outdoor hockey in Phoenix! Blarghcgh.

It's been a while...

Sorry folks. Been on vacation, and that includes a vacation from internetty-type things. We'll be posting an update on the Flyers-Bruins affair, knee-on-knee hits, and more complaining about Bob Gainey. Stay tuned!