Awarded to the league's most obnoxious douchebag broadcaster
And the winner is:
Jack Edwards
I always think of this video when I think of Jack Edwards.
"Montreal will not answer": an underhanded way of calling Montreal a bunch of cowards.
"Reich is POUNDING Bouillon!": Fact error, borne of being blind to the facts when they do not suit his fantasy that the Bruins are, like, the bestest team in the wurld!
"Reich tangling him up": Bzzzt. Wrong again, Jack. What you meant to say was, "Reich shying away from Bouillon, has asked for the fight stop."
The there's this gem of objective announcing:
It's ok to call a game from the perspective of the "home team", but when you descend into calling a game the same way a drunken, passionate fanboy would, you have lost all credibility. That laugh is not one of amusement - it's one of malice.
In closing, I'll offer this constructive criticism:
Jack Edwards, you suck at life.
Friday, July 24, 2009
Thursday, July 23, 2009
The Gary Bettman Trophy
Awarded for the league's worst management
And the winner is:
The Tampa Bay Lightning
(Despite today's news)
Ah, but those ice girls sure are nice...
They fired a winning, albeit gruff, coach to satisfy their petulant star. That same star has such a massive contract that it makes it hard to find adequate teammates, and also makes unloading that player through a trade nearly impossible.
Did we mention coaching? Let's not forget that the Lightning management hired Barry Melrose for some unknown reason, and then, in a classic dick move, fired him after 16 games. It almost seems as if Tampa Bay's management suffers from split-personality disorder...
Bad management like this starts all the way at the top and trickles on down. The owners can't agree on what the hell to do, and Gary Bettman(!) has even told Len Barrie "Show me the Money!" and prove that he is capable of co-owning an NHL team. Ah, so that explains the split-personality. The Lightning have three different people calling the shots: Len Barrie, Oren Koules, and Vincent Lecavalier.
Don't think for a minute, though, that the New York Islanders are not a CLOSE second. We really do need to give them an honourable mention for having three starting goalies now. Rick DiPietro, Dwayne Roloson, and now, Martin Biron. Absolutely baffling.
And the winner is:
The Tampa Bay Lightning
(Despite today's news)
Ah, but those ice girls sure are nice...
They fired a winning, albeit gruff, coach to satisfy their petulant star. That same star has such a massive contract that it makes it hard to find adequate teammates, and also makes unloading that player through a trade nearly impossible.
Did we mention coaching? Let's not forget that the Lightning management hired Barry Melrose for some unknown reason, and then, in a classic dick move, fired him after 16 games. It almost seems as if Tampa Bay's management suffers from split-personality disorder...
Bad management like this starts all the way at the top and trickles on down. The owners can't agree on what the hell to do, and Gary Bettman(!) has even told Len Barrie "Show me the Money!" and prove that he is capable of co-owning an NHL team. Ah, so that explains the split-personality. The Lightning have three different people calling the shots: Len Barrie, Oren Koules, and Vincent Lecavalier.
Don't think for a minute, though, that the New York Islanders are not a CLOSE second. We really do need to give them an honourable mention for having three starting goalies now. Rick DiPietro, Dwayne Roloson, and now, Martin Biron. Absolutely baffling.
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
The Alexandre Daigle Memorial Trophy:
Awarded to the league's most overrated player
(Not to be confused with the most overPAID player)
And the winner is...
Carey Price
Poor kid. After an amazing run as the playoff MVP of the Calder Cup, Price was given the keys by an over-optimistic (and questionably sane) Bob Gainey. The result was predictable: he struggled mightily in the opening playoff round, and flat-out sucked in the second. The following year he had a .905 save percentage and a 2.83 Goals against average. Not bad, but nowehere near the god-like status he enjoys among Habs faithful. And his playoff stats this year? 4.11 and .878. Four Habs Fans calls him "The Franchise Saviour". Everyone outside of Montreal just calls him the most overrated player in the NHL right now.
(Not to be confused with the most overPAID player)
And the winner is...
Carey Price
Poor kid. After an amazing run as the playoff MVP of the Calder Cup, Price was given the keys by an over-optimistic (and questionably sane) Bob Gainey. The result was predictable: he struggled mightily in the opening playoff round, and flat-out sucked in the second. The following year he had a .905 save percentage and a 2.83 Goals against average. Not bad, but nowehere near the god-like status he enjoys among Habs faithful. And his playoff stats this year? 4.11 and .878. Four Habs Fans calls him "The Franchise Saviour". Everyone outside of Montreal just calls him the most overrated player in the NHL right now.
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
The late 90's Rangers Memorial Cup
Awarded to the league's most overrated team.
And the winner is:
The San Jose Sharks.
Was this one ever in doubt? The Sharks have a made a habit of choking in the playoffs, and this one tops all their previous efforts. The President's Trophy for the best regular-season record, and out in the first round. True, the Ducks were a formidable opponent and were far better than their 8th-place standing indicated, but come ON. Joe Thornton had better hope his team finds success soon or people are going to start pointing their fingers and blaming him for these annual collapses. First it was with the Bruins and now the Sharks. But the problem goes further than Jumbo Joe, as the Sharks' disastrous post-seasons were happening before he got shown the way to San Jose. What's the solution? Through the years, San Jose has turned over most its players, but one obvious consistency has been Evgeni Nabokov.
Whatever the case, the Sharks are the reigning overrated team, and it will take a sea-change to alter that perception.
And the winner is:
The San Jose Sharks.
Was this one ever in doubt? The Sharks have a made a habit of choking in the playoffs, and this one tops all their previous efforts. The President's Trophy for the best regular-season record, and out in the first round. True, the Ducks were a formidable opponent and were far better than their 8th-place standing indicated, but come ON. Joe Thornton had better hope his team finds success soon or people are going to start pointing their fingers and blaming him for these annual collapses. First it was with the Bruins and now the Sharks. But the problem goes further than Jumbo Joe, as the Sharks' disastrous post-seasons were happening before he got shown the way to San Jose. What's the solution? Through the years, San Jose has turned over most its players, but one obvious consistency has been Evgeni Nabokov.
Whatever the case, the Sharks are the reigning overrated team, and it will take a sea-change to alter that perception.
Monday, July 20, 2009
The Jerry Seinfeld Trophy:
awarded to the most obnoxious, asshole fans in the league.
And the winner is:
The Carolina Hurricanes
Hurricanes fans have made a name for themselves as some of the least well-informed yet most overly-opinionated fans in the league in recent years. A Stanley Cup championship spurred their fans to arrive at the conclusion that since the team is excellent, then they the fans must be in the right as well. Known for such gems as calling Montreal's logo a "Habitron," the inarticulate and ignorant chant of "Ref, you suck," and that annoying-as-fuck "Woo-hoo!" before EVERY SINGLE GODDAMNED FACEOFF.
Congratulations, Hurricanes fans.
And the winner is:
The Carolina Hurricanes
Hurricanes fans have made a name for themselves as some of the least well-informed yet most overly-opinionated fans in the league in recent years. A Stanley Cup championship spurred their fans to arrive at the conclusion that since the team is excellent, then they the fans must be in the right as well. Known for such gems as calling Montreal's logo a "Habitron," the inarticulate and ignorant chant of "Ref, you suck," and that annoying-as-fuck "Woo-hoo!" before EVERY SINGLE GODDAMNED FACEOFF.
Congratulations, Hurricanes fans.
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
Bruins to play at Fenway
Awesome. Almost makes me wish I still lived in the Boston area.
(Aside: No one actually lives IN Boston. Anyone who does pays $300,000 for rent and either eats ramen noodles cause that's all they can afford or is a Limousine Liberal who probably REALLY lives in Cambridge.)
Anyway, The Bruins and Fenway Pahk will host the Pbbbbhhhhlyers on New Year's day. Hey! The other admins on this blog actually get that day OFF from their wonderful employer, so I command you to get tickets! Will they close off Yawkey Way so they can have the pre-game circus of vendors, performers, etc? I know it'll be cold, but it won't be that much worse than an October game. I'm looking forward to seeing it on TV. This most recent outdoor game at Wrigley was awesome, and I hope this one is as good.
In other Bruins news, TSN is officially stoopid. They have a story about how Milan Lucic might get a roster spot next year because Bruins fans think he's exciting to watch. It was only halfway through the video that I realized they weren't talking about getting a roster spot in Boston, but on Team Canada. And no, I will not accept responsibility for the miscommunication. They need to make it clearer. (Hint: as a news organization, that's TSN's job.)
Thursday, July 9, 2009
When words fail
The only thing that can truly show what I want to say to Saku Koivu as he leaves Montreal:
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