Once more, with feeling:

Jaroslav Halak is better than Carey Price.
But you knew that didn't you?

Yes yes, the kid's more talented, has more potential, etc etc. But last night still brings home a very important fact: Price was not ready to play in the NHL last year. And because he was rushed, he STILL is not ready. Bob Gainey, who has this aura of patience and intelligence, inexplicably acted like a rabid video-game-playing fanboy when he bought into the hype surrounding this supposed Third Coming of Holy Goaltending and Montreal's Sacred Right to the Stanley Cup.

He seemed to forget that in the real world, miracles are rare, and young kids don't carry their teams to Cup championships just because they wear the same uniform past legends wore. If I were to put on a roach, breastplate, dance bustle, and paint my face, it would not make me any more Sioux than I am now (zero). Carey Price is not Patrick Roy or Ken Dryden. No amount of dressing him in their colors and hoping he could replicate their exploits would make it so.

I've already written at length about Gainey's stubborn inability to recognize last year's opportunity for a Cup run. Going hand-in-hand with that is how Gainey tried to push this kid before he was ready, and did not give him the support of some additional trade-deadline players.

So now the damage is done. Gainey has kept riding Price as far as he could take him, and the result is, not very far. Halak keeps proving himself more capable, but Gainey still chooses the kid instead.

Now, pundits are asking, just how fucked up will this kid be? Will he turn into the next Alexander Daigle? Does Jim Carey ring a bell? I have premonitions of watching the NHL network in 20 years and seeing them do a program on the talented young kid named Carey Price, who was brought into the NHL far too early, had far too many expectations laid at his feet, was thrown into a team whose management refused to bring in the necessary personnel, was fucked up by a Butterfly-enamored goalie coach, who therefore got burned out, bounced around the league going up and down from the AHL, and finally found his niche as a tolerable backup. I see Carey Price being the next Felix Potvin.

And it will be all Bob Gainey's fault.

Happy Birthday Guy!

As a special present on your birthday, I give you the gift of...



















Good (at least, Not Bad) Coaching!
First, don't juggle lines, mixing in defensemen with forwards, every shift. It doesn't work.
Second: Communicate. Like, talk to players about what your expectations are.
Third: Speaking of expectations, don't try to force every player to be a Carbonneau-Copy (HAHAHAHAHA, sorry, I had to do it) of you when you played. Not everyone is a defensive forward.
That's it. Enjoy your cake, and take the rest of the day off.

Significant Milestone Reached in Montreal

On the same night that he celebrated his 1,000th NHL game, Patrice Brisebois also played his first game as a real defenseman. Brisebois has made a life-study of the intricate art of stopping other teams from putting pucks in his own team's net. As far as NHL players go, Brisebois has been something of a late bloomer. It can sometimes take players years to reach their potential. For Brisebois, it has been a long, but ultimately rewarding, road.

During last night's game, the 38-year-old Brisebois seemed to finally have reached his potential. He made a decent play to stop an offensive rush from the New Jersey Devils, completely negating their scoring opportunity. Such an event is rare for defensemen who play in Montreal. Brisebois's young teammate was not so lucky, as Mike Komisarek left a man completely unguarded for New Jersey's third goal of the evening. Komisarek is still young however, and at the tender age of 27, still has lots of time to learn from greats like Brisebois.

One question that nags many pundits, however, is that now that Brisebois has played one good defensive game, what number will the team choose to retire? Brisebois entered Montreal wearing number 43, but left after fans realized he was too good to play in Montreal. Upon his return last year, he chose to wear number 71. Much like the Baseball Hall of Fame, the Canadiens organization will most likely let him choose. If he helps the team somehow keep their opposition to under 40 shots per game (a rarity in Montreal), the decision to reture BOTH will be an easy one for Brisebois's adoring fans in Montreal.

On another note, Martin Brodeur, Montreal native and three-time Stanley Cup winner, won his 551st game agaisnt Montreal. That number ties him with former Montreal goaltender, Patrick Roy, for all-time wins by a goalie. Montreal fans booed Brodeur's achievement, but cheered for Brisebois's accomplishment at the conclusion of the game.

This Just in: Guy Carbonneai Fired! But you already knew that, didn't you?

Well, I guess it's time to shake off the cobwebs and come back to the real world.
Truth be told, when I found out that ole Guy "Line-Mixin" Carbonneau was fired, I proceeded to have a night of it, Bob's-a-Dyin' fasion. (To landlubbers, read: I drank myself into a stupor. Woo hoo.) That is why I am only getting around to writing something about it now.

In any case. I was surprised to see him get fired, but also overjoyed. Like Santa Claus coming to my house and telling me he forgot to drop off Julianne Moore on his last visit in December, and here you go, sorry about the mixup, have fun.

Mmmmm.

Oh right. Carnonneau. Yeah, I was on the phone with Bride of Kovalev, who is out of town lawyering and stuff, and she was pretty surprised too, seeing as Guy is chums with Bob Gainey. I did remind her that Boom Boom Geoffrion lasted like six games as the Habs' head coach one year. I do feel slightly bad for Bob Gainey, but he's the one who put himself, as well as all of us Habs fans, in this situation.

I should be surprised it took this long to fire Carbonneau, but knowing how long it takes Gainey to shit/get off the pot, I suppose this was the best we could hope for. Unfortunately, Bob has once again waited too long to a: shit b: get off said pot. Gainey sat on his ass last year and let the trade deadline pass by while he gave away our #1 goalie for a song, and did the same ass-sitting this year (because he knew he had missed the boat last year). Now, he has a lot of damage control to do. I wish him luck, but this is Bob Gainey's last chance as far as I'm concerned. He fucks this up, and I'll be calling for his firing next.

But in the meantime, huzzah, splice the main brace, and have fun!

Oh my head.

Bob Gainey to Habs Fans: nyah nyah nyah nyah

So the trade deadline has come and gone, and Bob Gainey has once again sat on his ass. No big surprises. Another welfare Christmas for Habs fans. But maybe we'll get a big free agent this year! Yeah!


Sigh.


Oh, and Bruins Management stuck it to their fans as well. But Bruins fans deserve it, see.


Update:

According to Habsinsideout, Bob Gainey said he waited for his phone to ring but didn't get any offers "out of left field." So Bob Gainey has admitted that on one of the busiest days of the year, he just sat in his office and waited for the phone to ring.
Looks like I'm in the wrong damn profession. If I told my boss or my students that all I do is sit in my office all day playing solitaire waiting for the phone to ring, I'd be joining the masses of unemployed people.
I gotta get me a job as an NHL GM. But then again, Montreal hasn't won the Cup in 16 years. Maybe this is why. Maybe other NHL GM's do more than wait for the phone to ring. Maybe, perhaps, they pick it up and call someone from time to time. Like, on the day of the trade deadline.

Trade Deadline Looms

So the Trade Deadline is 3 pm (ET) on Wednesday. I don't like making predictions, but I always enjoy this time of year (at least when Montreal's not trading it's #1 goalie), and watching what happens. Bruins and Canadiens both should be buyers, but both of them also have borderline retarded management, so we'll see if they actually spring some deals.

Feel free to use the comments section for rampant speculation, guessing, swearing when Bob Gainey doesn't make a sensible trade, and general trade anxiety/excitement.

Don Cherry reads Ko(r)valev's (sic) Kousin

How else can one explain his Saturday night rant about Europeans, Russians, and Alex Ovechkin? Grapes was obviously pissed by my invitation for him to fight Ovechkin, and then saw me throwing his buddy Crosby under the bus in favor of declaring Ovechkin the best player in the League (and its best marketing strategy).

Well Don, I'd like you to spend some time in the video room watching highlights of Crosby whining to referees, sucker-punching other players in the nuts, and generally carrying on like a baby.

I'll take Ovechkin's hot-dogging any day, thank you.

Oh, and it strikes me as a bit ironic that a guy who starts his segment every week does so by showing a highlight of himself hot-dogging for a crowd during his own NHL coaching days - and calls attention to himself every week with some outlandish garment tailor-made for the sole purpose of shock value.