Kovalev's Kousin, Bruins Buddies: A Shaky Alliance

Kiss your sister

2011-12-16T14:26:00.000-05:00

Good job to the Habs for playing the Flyers to a tie game last night.
You read that right--it was a 4-4 tie.
Chris Lee can take his no-goal call and shove it up his ass, because it was biased and it was wrong.

Brendan Shanahan

2011-12-05T19:38:00.004-05:00

You're a fucking liar.

You're just as corrupt as Colin Campbell.

You're a puppet of small men.

Come at me, bro.

Brendan Shanahan

2011-11-27T11:08:00.001-05:00

I dare you to even consider suspending Max Pacioretty.

Max Pac didn't have the opportunity to come back and score in the game he was nearly killed. Kris Letang did. There was no suspension when Max Pac was nearly killed.

There better as hell not be one this time, either.

This is a promise, Brendan. There will be more trouble for you than an angry mob of Avalanche fans in a dark alley if you misstep here.

Mark carefully my words.

UPDATE:

You've been warned, Brendan.
It will be worse than 1955 for Clarence Campbell.
I suggest you not show your face in Montreal any time soon.

Why bother watching?

2011-10-21T11:54:00.000-04:00

To paraphrase Douglas Fairbanks Jr in "Gunga Din",

You displease me greatly, and I ignore the lot of you.

For Better or for Worse

2011-10-14T09:46:00.000-04:00

Sorry, hockey fans, but I dropped the ball on my summer posts. Partly, it's because I just didn't have time.

Anyway, the new season is three games old, and it's time to weigh in.

About the Jets: Before Sunday's game, I told Bride of Kovalev that this game would determine my loyalty for the future.

After all, I can only stand so many promises to "Fix you."
I can only take so many 2-0 series leads AWAY FROM HOME, only to see the team implode.
I can only stomach so many December-February swoons precipitated by an ill-advised concession to a goddamned CIRCUS.
I don't really enjoy seeing General Managers blow up the team only to walk away from the ensuing mess.
I have lost any patience for coaches who repeatedly try to pound the square pegs of speedy, young athletes into the round holes of defensive, boring, New Jersey Devils.

I can only hear "Baby, I promise, this time it'll be different. I looove you, baby" so many times before I stop believing it.
I'm tired of the Canadiens.

And after all, what reason do I have to root for them? The only Stanley Cup victory I remember was 1993. I am from North Carolina. I don't owe the city any allegiance. The past glory of the Habs, the Maurice Richards, the Boom-Boom Geoffrions (the reason I found myself fated to cheer for the Canadiens), even the Patrick Roys, are all a distant memory now. The Century of excellence is over. What we have now is very reliable mediocrity.

So why root for the Habs? Why not root for a team that, in the larger scheme of things, matters a lot more? The Jets are bad for Gary Bettman. Ergo, the Jets are good for hockey. The Jets represent a victory over Bettman's brand of stupidity, over his moronic insistence on expanding into dead markets. The Jets have already won. They represent all that is good about fans, about sound economic policy, and about divine justice in the world.

And so I turned on Sunday's game fully intending to become a student and a fan of this Jets team. If they won, that would seal it. Goodbye, Montreal. Goodbye, overhyped management. Goodbye to a team that, in all honesty, I really do not like.
But then a funny thing happened. Even before Michael Cammalleri scored, I found myself cheering, unconditionally, for my bleu-blanc-rouge. Unconditionally.

Shit.

I hate the Habs.

And yet, I love the Habs.

It's too late. Short of them signing Todd Bertuzzi, I will always love the Habs. Even if they eventually fail to sign Carey Price and trade for Rick DiPietro, I'll find myself watching them on my NHL Center Ice. This sucks. Because, as we saw last night, anyone who thinks the Habs are a playoff team is smoking dope.
True, the kids have the ability to rise above the adversity and become true NHL'ers, but Jacques Martin won't allow that to happen. Scott Gomez will continue to suck in creative new ways. And he'll bring down his linemates, just as he is doing now to Brian Gionta. And Erik Cole is furiously cementing his legacy as the worst free agent of 2011.

Fuck this team. And yet, for better or worse, I'm with you Montreal.
I love you, Montreal Canadiens. I just don't particularly like you right now.

The third annual Kovys: Gary Bettman Trophy

2011-08-05T14:17:00.000-04:00

Today's award:
The Gary Bettman Trophy
awarded to the league's worst management

And the nominees are:

New York Islanders

Insane owner? Check. Lots of money being paid to people who don't play? Check.
Too many goalies? Check. Laughable franchise? Check

Philadelphia Flyers

Still haven't gotten the memo that good goaltending matters in the post-season. And they traded away two stars who wanted to create a winner in Philly.

Atlanta Thrashers

Good riddance to that group of egomaniac owners. Atlanta was a team rotten from the inside out.

The third annual Kovys: Islanders Fishsticks Trophy

2011-08-04T13:42:00.001-04:00

Today's award:

The Islanders Fishsticks Trophy
awarded to the team with ugliest jerseys

Note: source is http://www.nhluniforms.com/

And the nominees are:

Colorado Avalanche

The 'lanche had a lot of color patterns to choose from when deciding on their third jersey. Unfortunately, they chose EXACTLY the wrong shade of blue. Remember those great maroon jerseys they used to have with the Rangers-style writing down the chest? These new ones look like the cheap knock-offs you can get for $19.99 from a shady seller on E-bay.

Dallas Stars

Here's an idea for you, Dallas:
This isn't college football. Try putting some damn color on your jerseys? You're playing games wearing your practice jerseys.

Edmonton Oilers

What, did you not have enough money for the stripe to go all the way around the sleeve?

Honorable Mention:
Tampa Bay Lightning and Ottawa Senators

It's not the jerseys. They're actually better-designed than the normal uniforms. But the nicknames on the front? Ridiculous. Should Montreal have a "HABS" jersey? Didn't think so. What makes Ottawa and Tampa think it looks respectable on their teams?

The third annual Kovys: Coyote Cup

2011-08-03T09:48:00.003-04:00

Today's award:

The Coyote Cup
Given to the team that has no business being in its current location.

Please note:
I used NHL.com's attendance statistics for this article.
I have disregarded several attendance numbers from January and February, as bad weather in New York kept people away.

And the nominees are:

The Phoenix Coyotes

Cold, snowy weather has no bearing on attendance figures for the Desert Dogs. They have no excuses, even fewer now that they are a playoff team.

Excluding the New York games that had bad attendance due to snowstorms, the Coyotes had the worst and second-worst attended games all season (6,706 on Oct 21 and 6,761 on Nov 3). Going from bottom to top in attendance, the bottom of the list is littered with Coyotes games.

It's time for Gary Bettman to come to his senses and let this struggling drain on the NHL's finances go somewhere sensible.

The Atlanta Thrashers

These awards reflect the past season. Atlanta may not currently have an NHL team, but that's exactly why they're on this list. This past season was the final one for Atlanta, and that's a good thing. While the Thrashers may not have been quite so bad as the Islanders or the Coyotes, they still had some appearances on the bottom end of the attendance rankings. Their absence (the second time an Atlanta team has had to move) demonstrates that hockey does not work in southern cities.

The New York Islanders

How the mighty have fallen. The citizens don't want to buy them a new arena. The management is goofy. The owner is insane. The team is a joke.

And no one goes to the games. It could be that their ticket prices are outrageous (my wife went to law school just a nine-iron away from the Mausoleum, and we never went to a single game, because even the nosebleed seat prices were way beyond our means). Someone needs to tell Charles Wang that people will only pay exorbitant ticket prices if 1) the team is awesome, or 2) there's so much fan support that you can sell out every game no matter how much you suck (see: Maple Leafs, Toronto). The Islanders definitely do not qualify. People aren't going to the games, so prices need to fall. Wang wants to put the team in a badly needed new stadium, but he expects the taxpayers to foot the bill. No dice, Charles.

I know its tough: you have to spend money to make money, and it's a hard pill to swallow, lowering ticket prices when you need more money, not less. But if no one's buying the tickets, then you have to go back to your Econ 101 textbook and look up "Chapter 1: Supply vs Demand".

As it is, the team needs to just go away. The citizens obviously don't care, and neither does the management. What this team needs is a completely new identity. New city (hell, they could move to Queens or Brooklyn), new ownership, new stadium, new everything. Because it's just not working on the Island.

Source: NHL.com

The Kovy Awards: Alexei Yashin trophy

2011-08-02T12:57:00.001-04:00

The Alexei Yashin Trophy
for the league's most overpaid player.

And the nominees are:

Scott Gomez

Cap hit: $7.357 million until 2014.
Last year's salary: $8 million

Montreal paid Gomez eight million dollars this season. Gomez, in turn, provided the Habs with 7 goals and 31 assists over the span of 80 games.

To put this in perspective, Sergei Samsonov, who did not survive his first year playing for Montreal, was paid $3.525 million for 9 goals and 17 assists in 63 games for the Habs.

Why Montreal hasn't put Gomez on waivers, traded him to a team struggling to reach the cap floor, or just plain bought him out is a mystery.

Fearless prediction: the 2011-2012 season will be just as bad.

Ilya Kovalchuk

Cap hit: $6.667 million until 2025.
Last year's salary: $6 million

This is the person everyone will point to when they explain how, when, and why the Devils stopped being a perennial playoff contender. Like Gomez, Kovalchuk's contract prohibits the Devils from signing other skilled players. Maybe there's method in their madness, Maybe the Devils management has recognized that they can't fill their arena even halfway, and need a marquee player to fill the seats and sell jerseys. If that pipe dream comes true, the Devils will have a stadium full of people to watch the Devils lose.

Vincent Lecavalier

Cap hit: $7.727 million until 2020.
Last year's salary: $10 million

Lecavalier has seen a steady decline in his performance, coupled with an unparallelled rise in ego. Vinny has been responsible for the firings of two coaches, and his attitude is a cancer on the Tampa Bay Lightning. With Steve Yzerman at the helm, you can guarantee that Vinny will have at least one "Come to Jesus" meeting with Stevie Y. It's not too late, but Vinny needs to do two things: stop trying to run the Lightning organization, and start putting pucks in net again (or help his teammates do so). Otherwise, I doubt someone like Yzerman, who knows what it takes to win, will keep this guy around.

Rick Dipietro

Cap hit: $4.5 million until 2021.
Last year's salary: $4.5 million

Seriously, it's too easy. The guy is made of glass. After his fight with Brent Johnson, I said, "watch him be out for six weeks." I was joking. But he was indeed out for six weeks.

He has played a total 39 games during the last THREE seasons, with 11 wins. And the Isles have him until 2021.

The third annual Kovys: Ranger Cup

2011-08-01T10:30:00.000-04:00

Today's award:

The Rangers Memorial Cup
awarded to the league's most overrated team
And the nominees are:

San Jose Sharks

Another year, another non-finals exit. No one can quite grasp what this team's problem is, as they consistently seem to have all the pieces for a championship season. But when the playoffs arrive, it's become a sure bet the Sharks won't get to the Cup Finals.

Philadelphia Flyers

So much for last year's upset of the Bruins and Stanley Cup Finals appearance. Blame their appearance in the asinine commercial suggesting the Flyers could go 82-0. Or blame their idiotic management who just can't grasp the fact that goaltending is important. Blame alcohol. But the Flyers are shuffling the deck, and are hoping to come up with a winning solution. Who wants to bet it doesn't work out? I'll happily take that bet.

Washington Capitals

Last year, the Caps got eliminated in the first round. This year, they did a little better and actually one a series before going down. Part of the problem is that the Caps have some overrated players who almost made the cut for the Alexander Daigle trophy (Mike Green being chief among them).
Whatever the cause, Ovechkin and co. have to do better in the post-season, or else the overrated label will continue to stick to them collectively, and individually for quite some time.

So long, it's been good to know you

2011-08-01T09:29:00.000-04:00

We say farewell to Alexei Kovalev, namesake of this website, and spitting image of yours-truly's cousin (and more than a passing resemblance to yours-truly himself).

I would like to offer Kovy a piece of advice: now that you're going back to Russia, stay there. Don't be like Peter Forsberg, Jaromir Jagr, or Alexei Yashin. Don't try to use the NHL as a bargaining chip for a bigger KHL contract, or waste your time on NHL comebacks that only serve as a sad counterpoint to how good you used to be. There are no regrets. You won the Stanley Cup as a rookie, and had some championship-caliber years with Pittsburgh and Montreal. Go to Russia, score some goals, and have fun. We'll remember you fondly. But, like a septuagenarian rock star, there comes a time when it gets a little sad seeing him try to be someone he used to be. Let's not go there, Kovy.

So, by way of saying farewell, here are some highlights.

a TSN highlight reel, with lots of Bruins on the wrong end of Kovy's shots:

Kovy teaches Darcy Tucker a lesson:

And the greatest comeback in Habs history, with a pair of goals by #27:

Third Annual Kovy Awards!

2011-07-29T09:48:00.000-04:00

Yes folks, here it is, to alleviate your summer boredom, the Kovy Awards for the people who make the NHL a sadder, funnier, more ridiculous place.

Here are the awards, and their nominees. We will do one award per day, so stay tuned:

Today's award:

The Alexandre Daigle Memorial Trophy:

awarded to the league's most overrated player

(Not to be confused with the most overPAID player)

And the nominees are:

Henrik Sedin (Van)

The regular season doesn't mean much if you disappear during the playoffs, especially the finals.

Daniel Sedin

See above

Roberto Luongo

He brought it on himself. He couldn't keep his mouth shut, and he shit the bed away from home. Champion goalies don't play the way Luongo did, and it will be a long time before he gets out from under his performance this spring,

Aunt Eszter says, Happy Christmas!

2011-07-06T16:41:00.000-04:00

We all know how it goes.

You've got this relative who for years has given you socks for Christmas. Every year, socks. And each year the box is a different size, making you think maybe this is the year she finally got you something cool. But that stereo-sized box? Socks. The box you could have sworn was shaped like the Metallica boxed set? Socks.

Hamrlik: Socks
Spacek: Socks
Samsonov: Really ugly fucking socks that you wouldn't wear when all your other pairs are in a stinking pile on the laundry room floor.

Then we come to this year. It's a foregone conclusion. You asked for an RC Car, but you know you're getting socks. Then you open the box, and there is a shiny new Hotwheel toy car. Sure, it isn't an RC car, but it's not socks.

This year we could have kept Tom Pyatt for a mere $500,000. Tampa, under Steve Yzerman's pretty good "new management," got him instead.

We still have to put on the pink nightmare bunny suit of Scott Gomez whenever Aunt Clara (Bob Gainey) comes over to visit.

And that's the same Aunt Clara who took your most prized possession (your well-loved Saku Koivu action figure) and gave it to the annoying, socially awkward kid with the weird clothes down the street.

Of course the rich kid got the really kickass toy this year, Brad Richards. And for those who want to poo-poo what they don't have just to make themselves feel better, let's remember that Richards is a Conn Smythe winner who is the kind of player every team wants. When you consider that he may have even gone to New York BECAUSE --not despite-- of John Tortorella, that says a lot about the kind of team player he is. (I'm looking right your way, Lecavalier, you spoiled, bitchy brat. You're the kind of person that we all learned bad language and bad manners from. Mom says you're not allowed to come over and play any more.)

But we got a really good player in Erik Cole. He may even turn out to be the kind of Brad Richards influence this team really needs. He's good enough to show off to the neighbors. This the kind of Christmas gift you appreciate for, if for nothing else, being a surprise.

So that's my assessment of this year's Christmas bonanza that is Free Agency. Now we're in the lean times. We may even be able to take Scott Gomez down to Goodwill, but the store's looking pretty full these days.

It could have been better, but we all know it could have been a hell of a lot worse.

Thank God you're stupid

2011-06-30T20:00:00.000-04:00

Herp-a-derp!

Montreal did not extend qualifying offers to Tom Pyatt, Alex Picard, and Benoit Pouliot. Tom Pyatt, who had the most upside of all, could have been a Hab for a mere $500,000.

And yet the Habs decided that the useless pylon that is Roman Hamrlik was worthy of a contract offer. (And who cares what the offer was...he should be falling on his knees to give a wet sloppy one to anyone who even considers dressing him at this stage in his career).

Luckily for Montreal fans who don't enjoy seeing Junior-B ability in a red white and blue NHL jersey, he decided that he'd rather sit and wait for offers that will never come during Free Agency.

So, thanks Roman! You made a stupid decision from the Habs management actually bearable by rejecting the only contract offer you're going to get from an NHL team.

So...don't let the door hit your useless pylon ass on your way out. See you in the KHL!

Christmas wish list

2011-06-27T12:37:00.000-04:00

So the drought has gone on for too long now. No, I'm not talking about Stanley Cup parades. I'm talking about Free Agency presents.

Montreal has been Mr. Potter, Ebenezer Scrooge, and the Grinch all rolled up into one for too many years now, and it's time for us Habs fans to get a huge present for Christmas on July 1st this year.

So, Santa Gauthier, I'm counting on you. Here's my wish list (just one item from this list would make this little boy very happy):

1. Scott Gomez goes away. That's right, we want to take this one to the exchange/returns counter as defective. What do you mean the warranty has expired?

2. Brad Richards. I want a Conn Smythe forward. This one has been at the top of my list for a while now. But from one year to the next the store shelves have been empty. Now we're there at 2 am, and the first in line for the store opening. Bring him home!

3. James Wisniewski. Come on, Pierre. We had zero second-round picks last week because you traded one of them for Dominic Moore, and the other for the Wiz. You made a mistake in letting Moore go, and also made an even bigger one by letting Marc Andre Bergeron go. Remember the power play last year? Want that to happen again? Want to have SOMETHING to show for not having any second-round picks this year? Re-sign the Wiz.

4. Failing any of these, a PK Subban jersey would at least give me something to wear as I watch the Habs lose every game in December.

See ya, Muller

2011-06-27T12:20:00.001-04:00

Kirk Muller has been hired to coach the Predators' minor league team.

Not to worry. We'll see him back when Gauthier finally realizes Jacques Martin can't coach and fires his ass.

The Winnipeg ....'s?

2011-06-24T10:41:00.000-04:00

So I finally have a reason to watch the NHL draft: Winnipeg will announce their name as they make their seventh overall pick tonight.

How much you wanna bet it won't be the Jets?

This just in: ESPN outdoes itself in the stupidity department.

2011-06-22T12:49:00.000-04:00

http://espn.go.com/sportsnation/teamrankings

Notice how the Phoenix Coyotes, the financial leach on the NHL and its real fans, is ranked 28th out of 122 teams that "give back to the fans in exchange for all the time, money and emotion the fans invest in them."

Um, ESPN? Phoenix doesn't have fans. The team steals money from other fans.

And how the hell did the Lightning get to be SECOND? Their fans don't "invest" any emotion, time, or money, unless it's the third round of the playoffs and the folks in St. Petersburg finally notice they actually have a good local team.

68th on the list is the Montreal Canadiens, two places ahead of the Pittsburgh Pirates. OK, so Montreal has a championship drought, and has been plagued by bad management and supposedly high ticket prices. But don't lump them in the same position with a baseball team whose management is on record as not giving a fuck about baseball, Pirates fans, or for that matter, the city of Pittsburgh. When was the last time they finished the season above .500? 1991?

Two places behind the worst team in the world at 72, is the Boston Bruins.
Didn't the Bruins just do something kinda cool lately? I could have sworn they went far into the playoffs...oh right. They won the STANLEY CUP. And last time I checked, their tickets weren't that bad.

I'd love to laugh at the Maple Leafs position at #120, but this list is for shit.

ESPN used to be a great place for sports. Now it's just a bunch of people yelling about NASCAR (only a real sport to those who have difficulty in making left turns, enjoy wrecks, or can't amuse themselves at under 100 dB).

Something to believe in

2011-06-17T19:05:00.000-04:00

"Well I see him on the TV
Preachin' 'bout the southern land
He tells me believe in Phoenix
Steals the money from my hands

Some say he's a good man
Lord I think he sinned, yeah"

So opens Poison's song (with some modifications), "Something to believe in."

Now it looks like we really do have something to believe in, if only to prove a point:
Want to piss of Gary Bettman? Buy a Winnipeg jersey.

In short:
Fuck you, Gary.
Go Winnipeg.

The two phrases really are interchangeable.

And now, a message from Mother of Kovalev

2011-06-17T16:42:00.000-04:00

Hoo boy, such excitement, who would have thought? So sorry poolish activities are done for year—so Mother of Kovalev makes everyone else look smart—like you wouldn’t believe—and what thanks I get? Hmmf—no gratitude, where were you raised, in barn? In Vancouver street? And who did raising? For shame. Stanley Cup gorgeous as always. Stanley Cup guy seems nice—his mother must be proud—white gloves always clean, Cup always shiny. But what with hair? Is natural color, I don’t think so. What is this, Donald Trumpishness? And such a nice boy. Vancouver fans are pigs, such sorry losers. If Mama Kovalev’s wishes come true, not a cow left in province. Hawks Fan deserved win, go figure. Tell him Mama Kovalev sends congratulations—but warning, should not sit back in glory, watch out-- next year the Year of Mama Kovalev!

Some thoughts on last night's game

2011-06-16T13:34:00.000-04:00

Tim Thomas is a freak of nature.
Roberto Luongo should decline his nomination and remove his name from consideration for the Vezina Trophy.
Daniel and Henrik Sedin are nothing but typical chicken-swedes. And that sucks for the reputation of European players who actually perform when it matters.
I said it: "The Bruins are going to score a breakaway goal before this period is over." And Patrice Bergeron proved me mostly right.
Speaking of that goal, why was Luongo so mad? Is the ref supposed to whistle a puck dead because the goalie almost touched it?
The Filthydelphia Flyers are largely to thank for Boston's success. Vancouver, especially the Sedins and Luongo, could learn a thing or two from this Bruins team who realized that no one gives you anything--you have to go out and take it by force.
Gary Bettman should just resign. Every real hockey fan hates him for what he's done to the NHL. And he deserved the overpowering boos he got. Credit the Vancouver fans who made it clear it was not Chara, not Thomas, not the Bruins they were booing, but Bettman.
Vancouver residents (not the actual fans) are mindless morons.
The Bruins deserved this Cup. They are tough, gritty, skilled, well-coached, and hard-working.
The Canucks did not deserve to be near the Cup. You cannot pretend that the games away from home don't count.
Did I say Bettman should resign? Well, he should. He must at least keep his mouth shut and just hand the trophies over without trying to shout over the fans he has worked so diligently to screw over.
I am happy for my friends who happen to be Bruins fans. I'm not happy the Bruins won, but I'm happy for you. So with that, I will make the colors of this website Black and Gold until Free Agency begins, at which time it will revert to Montreal colors, as it will become clear that the Habs, after acquiring Brad Richards and buying out Scott Gomez, will be clear Cup favorites for 2012.

Scores and Standings 6/16, "Bruins win the Cup, but Hawks Fan wins the Champeenship!" Edition

2011-06-16T11:20:00.000-04:00

1. Hawks Fan: 136 (135+1)
Lucic (F-Bos) W=1
St. Louis (F-TB)
Marleau (F-SJ)
Rafalski (D-Det)
Keith (D-Chi)
Miller (G-Buf)

2. Father of Kovalev: 125 (124+1)
H. Sedin (F-Van) 0
Kaberle (D-Bos) W=1
Thornton (F-SJ)
Zetterberg (F-Det)
Letang (D-Pit)
Bobrovsky (G-Phi)

3. Bride of Kovalev: 117 (114+3)
Thomas (G-Bos) W,SO=3
Pavelski (F-SJ)
Ovechkin (F-Was)
Datsyuk (F-Det)
Visnovsky (D-Ana)
Lidstrom (D-Det)

4. Cousin Kovalev: 115 (115+0)
Kesler (F-Van) 0
Ehrhoff (D-Van) 0
Briere (F-Phi)
Hartnell (F-Phi)
Subban (D-Mon)
Rinne (G-Nas)

5. P-Stone: 114 (113+1)
Chara (D-Bos) W=1
Luongo (G-Van) 0
Stamkos (F-TB)
Kronwall (D-Det)
Perry (F-Ana)
Carter (F-Phi)

6. Derek: 102 (102+0)
D. Sedin (F-Van) 0
Franzen (F-Det)
Backstrom (F-Was)
Boyle (D-SJ)
Wideman (D-Was)
Howard (G-Det)

7. Mother of Kovalev: 75 (72+3)
Seidenberg (D-Bos) 2A,W=3
Brian Boyle (F-NYR)
Laich (F-Was)
Giroux (F-Phi)
Meszaros (D-Phi)
Fleury (G-Pit)

Scores and Standings 6/15, "Roberto should keep his stupid mouth shut" Edition

2011-06-15T10:11:00.000-04:00

Out sick yesterday. Barely alive today. Apologies.

In this blogger's opinion, Go Canucks. But if the Bruins win the Cup, they will do so because they deserve it more than Vancouver. They have played well in every game, while the Canucks have laid some real eggs in Boston. Roberto Luongo has given us the most inconsistent series performance ever (and that superlative is well-deserved). Even if he has a shutout tonight, he will not have redeemed himself. He has lost every away game in this series, and has done so in catastrophic fashion. The Sedins? They're only proving people like Don Cherry right.

As Derek has pointed out, the main reason the Bruins are playing tonight is Tim Thomas. When people like Lucic and Chara have had mediocre playoff performances, Tim Thomas has been making one ridiculous save after another, keeping Boston in games they had no right to be in.

Truth is, I'm not sure who I want to win this series. I despise the hypocrisy of people like Mark Recchi and the fans who agree with him, the ones who deplored Max Pacioretty going to a movie after his concussion, while watching Nathan Horton grinning from ear to ear as he vigorously waived a towel in a deafening, brightly-lit arena without so much as a blush. I'd like to ask Dr. Recchi and his crack medical team, Did the Bruins embellish Horton's injury? Why was Patches' injury so overblown, and Horton's was not? Here's a hint: both men were indeed seriously injured, and we laymen don't know what they are and are not capable of after a concussion. But the ad hominem shit needs to stop. Now.

But on the other hand, the Canucks have proven they do NOT deserve to be called "champions." Champions do not bite. Champions win away from home. Champions play to the best of their ability--they do not disappear in the finals (ahem, Sedins, Kesler, Luongo). Champions keep their effing mouths shut and respect the abilities of their opponents.

Win or lose, Tim Thomas probably deserves the Conn Smythe trophy. But if there was ever an award for Dumbest Fuck of the Playoffs, that award would go to Roberto Luongo.

I actually kind of hope the Bruins win tonight, if only to prove several things:

Away games count.
Claude Julien is a better coach than Guy Carbonneau.
Claude Julien is a WAY better coach than Jacques Martin.
You have to man up and win a game against the guy who knocked out your young star.
Toughness still counts.
You can't win without outstanding goaltending.
The Habs are not a good team.

I say that last one out of love, not disrespect. The Habs have got to get their heads out of their asses and discover that "competence" is not good enough. Only by watching the Bruins (who came back from two down to beat the Habs) win the Cup will that point finally get through the thick skulls of Montreal's management.
A Bruins win may hurt, but it will be better in the long run for Montreal when they see what they have to do to compete with a Cup Winner.

But then again...it's the Bruins, and I really, really don't like the Bruins.

1. Hawks Fan: 135 (132+3)
Lucic (F-Bos) G,W=3
St. Louis (F-TB)
Marleau (F-SJ)
Rafalski (D-Det)
Keith (D-Chi)
Miller (G-Buf)

2. Father of Kovalev: 124 (119+5)
H. Sedin (F-Van) G=2
Kaberle (D-Bos) 2A,W=3
Thornton (F-SJ)
Zetterberg (F-Det)
Letang (D-Pit)
Bobrovsky (G-Phi)

3. Cousin Kovalev: 115 (114+1)
Kesler (F-Van) 0
Ehrhoff (D-Van) A=1
Briere (F-Phi)
Hartnell (F-Phi)
Subban (D-Mon)
Rinne (G-Nas)

4. Bride of Kovalev: 114 (113+1)
Thomas (G-Bos) W=1
Pavelski (F-SJ)
Ovechkin (F-Was)
Datsyuk (F-Det)
Visnovsky (D-Ana)
Lidstrom (D-Det)

5. P-Stone: 112 (112+)
Chara (D-Bos) W=1
Luongo (G-Van) 0
Stamkos (F-TB)
Kronwall (D-Det)
Perry (F-Ana)
Carter (F-Phi)

6. Derek: 102 (100+2)
D. Sedin (F-Van) 2A=2
Franzen (F-Det)
Backstrom (F-Was)
Boyle (D-SJ)
Wideman (D-Was)
Howard (G-Det)

7. Mother of Kovalev: 72 (70+2)
Seidenberg (D-Bos) A,W=2
Brian Boyle (F-NYR)
Laich (F-Was)
Giroux (F-Phi)
Meszaros (D-Phi)
Fleury (G-Pit)

Scores and Standings 6/13, "Is this it?" Edition

2011-06-13T09:51:00.000-04:00

1. Hawks Fan: 132 (132+0)
Lucic (F-Bos) 0
St. Louis (F-TB)
Marleau (F-SJ)
Rafalski (D-Det)
Keith (D-Chi)
Miller (G-Buf)

2. Father of Kovalev: 119 (118+1)
H. Sedin (F-Van) W=1
Kaberle (D-Bos) 0
Thornton (F-SJ)
Zetterberg (F-Det)
Letang (D-Pit)
Bobrovsky (G-Phi)

3. Cousin Kovalev: 114 (112+2)
Kesler (F-Van) W=1
Ehrhoff (D-Van) W=1
Briere (F-Phi)
Hartnell (F-Phi)
Subban (D-Mon)
Rinne (G-Nas)

4. Bride of Kovalev: 113 (113+0)
Thomas (G-Bos) 0
Pavelski (F-SJ)
Ovechkin (F-Was)
Datsyuk (F-Det)
Visnovsky (D-Ana)
Lidstrom (D-Det)

5. P-Stone: 112 (109+3)
Chara (D-Bos) 0
Luongo (G-Van) W,SO=3
Stamkos (F-TB)
Kronwall (D-Det)
Perry (F-Ana)
Carter (F-Phi)

6. Derek: 100 (99+1)
D. Sedin (F-Van) W=1
Franzen (F-Det)
Backstrom (F-Was)
Boyle (D-SJ)
Wideman (D-Was)
Howard (G-Det)

7. Mother of Kovalev: 70 (70+0)
Seidenberg (D-Bos) 0
Brian Boyle (F-NYR)
Laich (F-Was)
Giroux (F-Phi)
Meszaros (D-Phi)
Fleury (G-Pit)

Scores and Standings 6/9, "Claude Julien may actually be a good coach" Edition

2011-06-09T10:59:00.000-04:00

Sure glad the Habs let Julien go. Jacques Martin is obviously much better.
Julien sure as hell doesn't know how to stop a powerplay that was running on all cylinders.

1. Hawks Fan: 132 (130+2)
Lucic (F-Bos) A,W=2
St. Louis (F-TB)
Marleau (F-SJ)
Rafalski (D-Det)
Keith (D-Chi)
Miller (G-Buf)

2. Father of Kovalev: 118 (117+1)
H. Sedin (F-Van) 0
Kaberle (D-Bos) W=1
Thornton (F-SJ)
Zetterberg (F-Det)
Letang (D-Pit)
Bobrovsky (G-Phi)

3. Bride of Kovalev: 113 (110+3)
Thomas (G-Bos) W,SO=3
Pavelski (F-SJ)
Ovechkin (F-Was)
Datsyuk (F-Det)
Visnovsky (D-Ana)
Lidstrom (D-Det)

4. Cousin Kovalev: 112 (112+0)
Kesler (F-Van) 0
Ehrhoff (D-Van) 0
Briere (F-Phi)
Hartnell (F-Phi)
Subban (D-Mon)
Rinne (G-Nas)

5. P-Stone: 109 (107+2)
Chara (D-Bos) A,W=2
Luongo (G-Van) 0
Stamkos (F-TB)
Kronwall (D-Det)
Perry (F-Ana)
Carter (F-Phi)

6. Derek: 99 (99+0)
D. Sedin (F-Van) 0
Franzen (F-Det)
Backstrom (F-Was)
Boyle (D-SJ)
Wideman (D-Was)
Howard (G-Det)

7. Mother of Kovalev: 70 (69+1)
Seidenberg (D-Bos) W=1
Brian Boyle (F-NYR)
Laich (F-Was)
Giroux (F-Phi)
Meszaros (D-Phi)
Fleury (G-Pit)

Scores and Standings 6/7, "Dr. Mark Recchi thinks Nathan Horton also 'embellished' his injury" Edition

2011-06-07T13:07:00.001-04:00

Yeah, I went there.

1. Hawks Fan: 130 (129+1)
Lucic (F-Bos) W=1
St. Louis (F-TB)
Marleau (F-SJ)
Rafalski (D-Det)
Keith (D-Chi)
Miller (G-Buf)

2. Father of Kovalev: 117 (115+2)
H. Sedin (F-Van) 0
Kaberle (D-Bos) A,W=2
Thornton (F-SJ)
Zetterberg (F-Det)
Letang (D-Pit)
Bobrovsky (G-Phi)

3. Cousin Kovalev: 112 (112+0)
Kesler (F-Van) 0
Ehrhoff (D-Van) 0
Briere (F-Phi)
Hartnell (F-Phi)
Subban (D-Mon)
Rinne (G-Nas)

4. Bride of Kovalev: 110 (109+1)
Thomas (G-Bos) W=1
Pavelski (F-SJ)
Ovechkin (F-Was)
Datsyuk (F-Det)
Visnovsky (D-Ana)
Lidstrom (D-Det)

5. P-Stone: 107 (104+3)
Chara (D-Bos) 2A,W=3
Luongo (G-Van) 0
Stamkos (F-TB)
Kronwall (D-Det)
Perry (F-Ana)
Carter (F-Phi)

6. Derek: 99 (99+0)
D. Sedin (F-Van) 0
Franzen (F-Det)
Backstrom (F-Was)
Boyle (D-SJ)
Wideman (D-Was)
Howard (G-Det)

7. Mother of Kovalev: 69 (68+1)
Seidenberg (D-Bos) W=1
Brian Boyle (F-NYR)
Laich (F-Was)
Giroux (F-Phi)
Meszaros (D-Phi)
Fleury (G-Pit)

Scores and Standings 6/6, "We'll just pretend I did the S&S yesterday" Edition

2011-06-07T12:55:00.000-04:00

1. Hawks Fan: 129 (127+2)
Lucic (F-Bos) G=2
St. Louis (F-TB)
Marleau (F-SJ)
Rafalski (D-Det)
Keith (D-Chi)
Miller (G-Buf)

2. Father of Kovalev: 115 (114+1)
H. Sedin (F-Van) W=1
Kaberle (D-Bos) 0
Thornton (F-SJ)
Zetterberg (F-Det)
Letang (D-Pit)
Bobrovsky (G-Phi)

3. Cousin Kovalev: 112 (110+2)
Kesler (F-Van) W=1
Ehrhoff (D-Van) W=1
Briere (F-Phi)
Hartnell (F-Phi)
Subban (D-Mon)
Rinne (G-Nas)

4. Bride of Kovalev: 109 (109+0)
Thomas (G-Bos) 0
Pavelski (F-SJ)
Ovechkin (F-Was)
Datsyuk (F-Det)
Visnovsky (D-Ana)
Lidstrom (D-Det)

5. P-Stone: 104 (102+2)
Chara (D-Bos) A=1
Luongo (G-Van) W=1
Stamkos (F-TB)
Kronwall (D-Det)
Perry (F-Ana)
Carter (F-Phi)

6. Derek: 99 (95+4)
D. Sedin (F-Van) G,A,W=4
Franzen (F-Det)
Backstrom (F-Was)
Boyle (D-SJ)
Wideman (D-Was)
Howard (G-Det)

7. Mother of Kovalev: 68 (68+0)
Seidenberg (D-Bos) 0
Brian Boyle (F-NYR)
Laich (F-Was)
Giroux (F-Phi)
Meszaros (D-Phi)
Fleury (G-Pit)

Scores and Standings 6/2.1, "19 Seconds Might As Well Be Overtime" Edition

2011-06-02T11:13:00.000-04:00

1. Hawks Fan: 127 (127+0)
Lucic (F-Bos) 0
St. Louis (F-TB)

Marleau (F-SJ)
Rafalski (D-Det)
Keith (D-Chi)
Miller (G-Buf)

2. Father of Kovalev: 114 (113+1)
H. Sedin (F-Van) W=1
Kaberle (D-Bos) 0
Thornton (F-SJ)
Zetterberg (F-Det)
Letang (D-Pit)
Bobrovsky (G-Phi)

3. Cousin Kovalev: 110 (107+3)
Kesler (F-Van) A,W=2
Ehrhoff (D-Van) W=1
Briere (F-Phi)
Hartnell (F-Phi)
Subban (D-Mon)
Rinne (G-Nas)

4. Bride of Kovalev: 109 (109+0)
Thomas (G-Bos) 0
Pavelski (F-SJ)
Ovechkin (F-Was)
Datsyuk (F-Det)
Visnovsky (D-Ana)
Lidstrom (D-Det)

5. P-Stone: 102 (99+3)
Chara (D-Bos) 0
Luongo (G-Van) W,SO=3
Stamkos (F-TB)
Kronwall (D-Det)
Perry (F-Ana)
Carter (F-Phi)

6. Derek: 95 (94+1)
D. Sedin (F-Van) W=1
Franzen (F-Det)
Backstrom (F-Was)
Boyle (D-SJ)
Wideman (D-Was)
Howard (G-Det)

7. Mother of Kovalev: 68 (68+0)
Seidenberg (D-Bos) 0
Brian Boyle (F-NYR)
Laich (F-Was)
Giroux (F-Phi)
Meszaros (D-Phi)
Fleury (G-Pit)

Scores and Standings 6/2, "I suck at Math" Edition

2011-06-02T11:05:00.001-04:00

So I've been meaning to go through all the players and re-calculate the stats and see if they matched up. I try to do it at the end of each round, but the NHL's weird schedule, combined with my own crazy calendar, made that impossible. Lo and behold, there is one extra point. Where I missed it, I have no idea, but P-Stone actually entered the Stanley Cup finals with 99, not 98 points. Everyone else checked out, but still, you guys deserve perfect scores so there is no doubt who wins this thing. Again, my apologies.

Below is the breakdown of the points throughout the first three rounds of the playoffs.

Scores and Standings 5/30, "Bruins-Canucks" Edition

2011-05-30T20:05:00.000-04:00

Sorry about the delay. I was camping all weekend and didn't find out the Bruins beat the Lightning until today.

Now that the idiot Tampa Bay fans can go back to ignoring their team during the regular season, it's time for the Canucks to win this pool for me.

1. Hawks Fan: 127 (126+1)
St. Louis (F-TB) 0
Lucic (F-Bos) W=1
Marleau (F-SJ)
Rafalski (D-Det)
Keith (D-Chi)
Miller (G-Buf)

2. Father of Kovalev: 113 (112+1)
H. Sedin (F-Van)
Kaberle (D-Bos) W=1
Thornton (F-SJ)
Zetterberg (F-Det)
Letang (D-Pit)
Bobrovsky (G-Phi)

3. Bride of Kovalev: 109 (106+3)
Thomas (G-Bos) W,SO=3
Pavelski (F-SJ)
Ovechkin (F-Was)
Datsyuk (F-Det)
Visnovsky (D-Ana)
Lidstrom (D-Det)

4. Cousin Kovalev: 107 (107+0)
Kesler (F-Van)
Ehrhoff (D-Van)
Briere (F-Phi)
Hartnell (F-Phi)
Subban (D-Mon)
Rinne (G-Nas)

5. P-Stone: 98 (97+1)
Stamkos (F-TB) 0
Chara (D-Bos) W=1
Luongo (G-Van)
Kronwall (D-Det)
Perry (F-Ana)
Carter (F-Phi)

6. Derek: 94 (94+0)
D. Sedin (F-Van)
Franzen (F-Det)
Backstrom (F-Was)
Boyle (D-SJ)
Wideman (D-Was)
Howard (G-Det)

7. Mother of Kovalev: 68 (67+1)
Seidenberg (D-Bos) W=1
Brian Boyle (F-NYR)
Laich (F-Was)
Giroux (F-Phi)
Meszaros (D-Phi)
Fleury (G-Pit)

Scores and Standings 5/26, "We don't need the Finals to know who's going to win the pool" Edition

2011-05-26T13:41:00.000-04:00

1. Hawks Fan: 126 (117+9)
St. Louis (F-TB) 2G,A,W=6
Lucic (F-Bos) G,A=3
Marleau (F-SJ)
Rafalski (D-Det)
Keith (D-Chi)
Miller (G-Buf)

2. Father of Kovalev: 112 (110+2)
H. Sedin (F-Van)
Kaberle (D-Bos) 2A=2
Thornton (F-SJ)
Zetterberg (F-Det)
Letang (D-Pit)
Bobrovsky (G-Phi)

3. Cousin Kovalev: 107 (107+0)
Kesler (F-Van)
Ehrhoff (D-Van)
Briere (F-Phi)
Hartnell (F-Phi)
Subban (D-Mon)
Rinne (G-Nas)

4. Bride of Kovalev: 106 (106+0)
Thomas (G-Bos) 0
Pavelski (F-SJ)
Ovechkin (F-Was)
Datsyuk (F-Det)
Visnovsky (D-Ana)
Lidstrom (D-Det)

5. P-Stone: 97 (92+5)
Stamkos (F-TB) G,2A,W=5
Chara (D-Bos) 0
Luongo (G-Van)
Kronwall (D-Det)
Perry (F-Ana)
Carter (F-Phi)

6. Derek: 94 (94+0)
D. Sedin (F-Van)
Franzen (F-Det)
Backstrom (F-Was)
Boyle (D-SJ)
Wideman (D-Was)
Howard (G-Det)

7. Mother of Kovalev: 67 (67+0)
Seidenberg (D-Bos)
Brian Boyle (F-NYR)
Laich (F-Was)
Giroux (F-Phi)
Meszaros (D-Phi)
Fleury (G-Pit)

Scores and Standings 5/25, "What else did you expect from the Sharks?" Edition

2011-05-25T08:54:00.000-04:00

Sorry about the delay. Today you get a two-fer.

1. Hawks Fan: 117 (113+4)
Marleau (F-SJ) G=2
St. Louis (F-TB) 0
Lucic (F-Bos) A,W=2
Rafalski (D-Det)
Keith (D-Chi)
Miller (G-Buf)

2. Father of Kovalev: 110 (106+4)
H. Sedin (F-Van) 2A,W=3
Thornton (F-SJ) 0
Kaberle (D-Bos) W=1
Zetterberg (F-Det)
Letang (D-Pit)
Bobrovsky (G-Phi)

3. Cousin Kovalev: 107 (103+4)
Kesler (F-Van) G,W=3
Ehrhoff (D-Van) W=1
Briere (F-Phi)
Hartnell (F-Phi)
Subban (D-Mon)
Rinne (G-Nas)

4. Bride of Kovalev: 106 (103+3)
Pavelski (F-SJ) 2A=2
Thomas (G-Bos) W=1
Ovechkin (F-Was)
Datsyuk (F-Det)
Visnovsky (D-Ana)
Lidstrom (D-Det)

5. Derek: 94 (91+3)
D. Sedin (F-Van) A,W=2
Boyle (D-SJ) A=1
Franzen (F-Det)
Backstrom (F-Was)
Wideman (D-Was)
Howard (G-Det)

6. P-Stone: 92 (88+4)
Stamkos (F-TB) A=1
Chara (D-Bos) A,W=2
Luongo (G-Van) W=1
Kronwall (D-Det)
Perry (F-Ana)
Carter (F-Phi)

7. Mother of Kovalev: 67 (66+1)
Seidenberg (D-Bos) W=1
Brian Boyle (F-NYR)
Laich (F-Was)
Giroux (F-Phi)
Meszaros (D-Phi)
Fleury (G-Pit)

Scores and Standings 5/23, "You can't keep a good man down" Edition

2011-05-23T10:09:00.000-04:00

1. Hawks Fan: 113 (112+1)
Marleau (F-SJ) A=1
St. Louis (F-TB)
Lucic (F-Bos)
Rafalski (D-Det)
Keith (D-Chi)
Miller (G-Buf)

2. Father of Kovalev: 106 (101+5)
H. Sedin (F-Van) 4A,W=5
Thornton (F-SJ) 0
Kaberle (D-Bos)
Zetterberg (F-Det)
Letang (D-Pit)
Bobrovsky (G-Phi)

T3. Bride of Kovalev: 103 (103+0)
Pavelski (F-SJ) 0
Thomas (G-Bos)
Ovechkin (F-Was)
Datsyuk (F-Det)
Visnovsky (D-Ana)
Lidstrom (D-Det)

T3. Cousin Kovalev: 103 (99+4)
Kesler (F-Van) G,W=3
Ehrhoff (D-Van) W=1
Briere (F-Phi)
Hartnell (F-Phi)
Subban (D-Mon)
Rinne (G-Nas)

5. Derek: 91 (87+4)
D. Sedin (F-Van) 3A,W=4
Boyle (D-SJ) 0
Franzen (F-Det)
Backstrom (F-Was)
Wideman (D-Was)
Howard (G-Det)

6. P-Stone: 88 (87+1)
Stamkos (F-TB)
Chara (D-Bos)
Luongo (G-Van) W=1
Kronwall (D-Det)
Perry (F-Ana)
Carter (F-Phi)

7. Mother of Kovalev: 66 (66+0)
Seidenberg (D-Bos)
Brian Boyle (F-NYR)
Laich (F-Was)
Giroux (F-Phi)
Meszaros (D-Phi)
Fleury (G-Pit)

Scores and Standings, "Wait, we're still here?" Edition

2011-05-22T09:20:00.000-04:00

1. Hawks Fan: 112 (109+3)
Marleau (F-SJ)
St. Louis (F-TB) G,W=3
Lucic (F-Bos) 0
Rafalski (D-Det)
Keith (D-Chi)
Miller (G-Buf)

2. Bride of Kovalev: 103 (103+0)
Pavelski (F-SJ)
Thomas (G-Bos) 0
Ovechkin (F-Was)
Datsyuk (F-Det)
Visnovsky (D-Ana)
Lidstrom (D-Det)

3. Father of Kovalev: 101 (100+1)
H. Sedin (F-Van)
Thornton (F-SJ)
Kaberle (D-Bos) A=1
Zetterberg (F-Det)
Letang (D-Pit)
Bobrovsky (G-Phi)

4. Cousin Kovalev: 99 (99+0)
Kesler (F-Van)
Ehrhoff (D-Van)
Briere (F-Phi)
Hartnell (F-Phi)
Subban (D-Mon)
Rinne (G-Nas)

T5. Derek: 87 (87+0)
D. Sedin (F-Van)
Boyle (D-SJ)
Franzen (F-Det)
Backstrom (F-Was)
Wideman (D-Was)
Howard (G-Det)

T5. P-Stone: 87 (86+1)
Stamkos (F-TB) W=1
Chara (D-Bos) 0
Luongo (G-Van)
Kronwall (D-Det)
Perry (F-Ana)
Carter (F-Phi)

7. Mother of Kovalev: 66 (66+0)
Seidenberg (D-Bos) 0
Brian Boyle (F-NYR)
Laich (F-Was)
Giroux (F-Phi)
Meszaros (D-Phi)
Fleury (G-Pit)

Scores and Standings 5/21, "The End of the World" Edition

2011-05-21T08:28:00.000-04:00

1. Hawks Fan: 109 (103+6)
Marleau (F-SJ) 2G,A,W=6
St. Louis (F-TB)
Lucic (F-Bos)
Rafalski (D-Det)
Keith (D-Chi)
Miller (G-Buf)

2. Bride of Kovalev: 103 (102+1)
Pavelski (F-SJ) W=1
Thomas (G-Bos)
Ovechkin (F-Was)
Datsyuk (F-Det)
Visnovsky (D-Ana)
Lidstrom (D-Det)

3. Father of Kovalev: 100 (95+5)
H. Sedin (F-Van) A=1
Thornton (F-SJ) 3A,W=4
Kaberle (D-Bos)
Zetterberg (F-Det)
Letang (D-Pit)
Bobrovsky (G-Phi)

4. Cousin Kovalev: 99 (99+0)
Kesler (F-Van) 0
Ehrhoff (D-Van) 0
Briere (F-Phi)
Hartnell (F-Phi)
Subban (D-Mon)
Rinne (G-Nas)

5. Derek: 87 (83+4)
D. Sedin (F-Van) 0
Boyle (D-SJ) G,A,W=4
Franzen (F-Det)
Backstrom (F-Was)
Wideman (D-Was)
Howard (G-Det)

6. P-Stone: 86 (86+0)
Stamkos (F-TB)
Chara (D-Bos)
Luongo (G-Van) 0
Kronwall (D-Det)
Perry (F-Ana)
Carter (F-Phi)

7. Mother of Kovalev: 66 (66+0)
Seidenberg (D-Bos)
Brian Boyle (F-NYR)
Laich (F-Was)
Giroux (F-Phi)
Meszaros (D-Phi)
Fleury (G-Pit)

Scores and Standings 5/20, "J-E-T-S Jets Jets Jets!" Edition

2011-05-20T21:34:00.000-04:00

1. Hawks Fan: 103 (101+2)
Marleau (F-SJ)
St. Louis (F-TB) 0
Lucic (F-Bos) A,W=2
Rafalski (D-Det)
Keith (D-Chi)
Miller (G-Buf)

2. Bride of Kovalev: 102 (99+3)
Pavelski (F-SJ)
Thomas (G-Bos) W,SO=3
Ovechkin (F-Was)
Datsyuk (F-Det)
Visnovsky (D-Ana)
Lidstrom (D-Det)

3. Cousin Kovalev: 99 (99+0)
Kesler (F-Van)
Ehrhoff (D-Van)
Briere (F-Phi)
Hartnell (F-Phi)
Subban (D-Mon)
Rinne (G-Nas)

4. Father of Kovalev: 95 (94+1)
H. Sedin (F-Van)
Thornton (F-SJ)
Kaberle (D-Bos) W=1
Zetterberg (F-Det)
Letang (D-Pit)
Bobrovsky (G-Phi)

5. P-Stone: 86 (85+1)
Stamkos (F-TB) 0
Chara (D-Bos) W=1
Luongo (G-Van)
Kronwall (D-Det)
Perry (F-Ana)
Carter (F-Phi)

6. Derek: 83 (83+0)
D. Sedin (F-Van)
Boyle (D-SJ)
Franzen (F-Det)
Backstrom (F-Was)
Wideman (D-Was)
Howard (G-Det)

7. Mother of Kovalev: 66 (65+1)
Seidenberg (D-Bos) W=1
Brian Boyle (F-NYR)
Laich (F-Was)
Giroux (F-Phi)
Meszaros (D-Phi)
Fleury (G-Pit)

Scores and Standings 5/19, "Yup, Ben Eager's still an asshole" Edition

2011-05-19T21:10:00.000-04:00

1. Hawks Fan: 101 (99+2)
Marleau (F-SJ) G=2
St. Louis (F-TB)
Lucic (F-Bos)
Rafalski (D-Det)
Keith (D-Chi)
Miller (G-Buf)

T2. Bride of Kovalev: 99 (98+1)
Pavelski (F-SJ) A=1
Thomas (G-Bos)
Ovechkin (F-Was)
Datsyuk (F-Det)
Visnovsky (D-Ana)
Lidstrom (D-Det)

T2. Cousin Kovalev: 99 (96+3)
Kesler (F-Van) W=1
Ehrhoff (D-Van) A,W=2
Briere (F-Phi)
Hartnell (F-Phi)
Subban (D-Mon)
Rinne (G-Nas)

4. Father of Kovalev: 94 (89+5)
H. Sedin (F-Van) 3A,W=4
Thornton (F-SJ) A=1
Kaberle (D-Bos)
Zetterberg (F-Det)
Letang (D-Pit)
Bobrovsky (G-Phi)

5. P-Stone: 85 (84+1)
Stamkos (F-TB)
Chara (D-Bos)
Luongo (G-Van) W=1
Kronwall (D-Det)
Perry (F-Ana)
Carter (F-Phi)

6. Derek: 83 (77+6)
D. Sedin (F-Van) 2G,W=5
Boyle (D-SJ) A=1
Franzen (F-Det)
Backstrom (F-Was)
Wideman (D-Was)
Howard (G-Det)

7. Mother of Kovalev: 65 (65+0)
Seidenberg (D-Bos)
Brian Boyle (F-NYR)
Laich (F-Was)
Giroux (F-Phi)
Meszaros (D-Phi)
Fleury (G-Pit)

Scores and Standings 5/18, "Bruins get all their scoring done in one night" edition

2011-05-18T15:34:00.000-04:00

1. Hawks Fan: 99 (95+4)
Marleau (F-SJ)
St. Louis (F-TB) G,A=3
Lucic (F-Bos) W=1
Rafalski (D-Det)
Keith (D-Chi)
Miller (G-Buf)

2. Bride of Kovalev: 98 (97+1)
Pavelski (F-SJ)
Thomas (G-Bos) W=1
Ovechkin (F-Was)
Datsyuk (F-Det)
Visnovsky (D-Ana)
Lidstrom (D-Det)

3. Cousin Kovalev: 96 (96+0)
Kesler (F-Van)
Ehrhoff (D-Van)
Briere (F-Phi)
Hartnell (F-Phi)
Subban (D-Mon)
Rinne (G-Nas)

4. Father of Kovalev: 89 (86+3)
H. Sedin (F-Van)
Thornton (F-SJ)
Kaberle (D-Bos) 2A,W=3
Zetterberg (F-Det)
Letang (D-Pit)
Bobrovsky (G-Phi)

5. P-Stone: 84 (79+5)
Stamkos (F-TB) G,2A=4
Chara (D-Bos) W=1
Luongo (G-Van)
Kronwall (D-Det)
Perry (F-Ana)
Carter (F-Phi)

6. Derek: 77 (77+0)
D. Sedin (F-Van)
Boyle (D-SJ)
Franzen (F-Det)
Backstrom (F-Was)
Wideman (D-Was)
Howard (G-Det)

7. Mother of Kovalev: 65 (62+3)
Seidenberg (D-Bos) 2A,W=3
Brian Boyle (F-NYR)
Laich (F-Was)
Giroux (F-Phi)
Meszaros (D-Phi)
Fleury (G-Pit)

Scores and Standings 5/16, "Don't look now, but Dad's on the warpath" edition

2011-05-16T15:34:00.000-04:00

1. Bride of Kovalev: 97 (97+0)
Pavelski (F-SJ) 0
Thomas (G-Bos) 0
Ovechkin (F-Was)
Datsyuk (F-Det)

Visnovsky (D-Ana)
Lidstrom (D-Det)

2. Cousin Kovalev: 96 (92+4)
Kesler (F-Van) A,W=2
Ehrhoff (D-Van) A,W=2
Briere (F-Phi)
Hartnell (F-Phi)
Subban (D-Mon)
Rinne (G-Nas)

3. Hawks Fan: 95 (91+4)
Marleau (F-SJ) G=2
St. Louis (F-TB) A,W=2
Lucic (F-Bos) 0
Rafalski (D-Det)
Keith (D-Chi)
Miller (G-Buf)

4. Father of Kovalev: 86 (79+7)
H. Sedin (F-Van) G,A,W=4
Thornton (F-SJ) G,A=3
Kaberle (D-Bos) 0
Zetterberg (F-Det)

Letang (D-Pit)
Bobrovsky (G-Phi)

5. P-Stone: 79 (77+2)
Stamkos (F-TB) W=1
Chara (D-Bos) 0
Luongo (G-Van) W=1
Kronwall (D-Det)

Perry (F-Ana)
Carter (F-Phi)

6. Derek: 77 (75+2)
D. Sedin (F-Van) W=1
Boyle (D-SJ) A=1
Franzen (F-Det)
Backstrom (F-Was)
Wideman (D-Was)
Howard (G-Det)

7. Mother of Kovalev: 62 (62+0)
Seidenberg (D-Bos) 0
Brian Boyle (F-NYR)
Laich (F-Was)
Giroux (F-Phi)
Meszaros (D-Phi)
Fleury (G-Pit)

Scores and Standings 5/13 "Friday the 13th" Edition

2011-05-13T14:38:00.000-04:00

1. Bride of Kovalev: 97 (94+3)
Datsyuk (F-Det) G=2
Pavelski (F-SJ) W=1
Lidstrom (D-Det) 0
Thomas (G-Bos)
Ovechkin (F-Was)
Visnovsky (D-Ana)

2. Cousin Kovalev: 92 (92+0)
Kesler (F-Van)
Ehrhoff (D-Van)
Briere (F-Phi)
Hartnell (F-Phi)
Subban (D-Mon)
Rinne (G-Nas)

3. Hawks Fan: 91 (88+3)
Marleau (F-SJ) G,W=3
St. Louis (F-TB)
Lucic (F-Bos)
Rafalski (D-Det) 0
Keith (D-Chi)
Miller (G-Buf)

4. Father of Kovalev: 79 (75+4)
H. Sedin (F-Van)
Zetterberg (F-Det) G=2
Thornton (F-SJ) A,W=2
Kaberle (D-Bos)
Letang (D-Pit)
Bobrovsky (G-Phi)

5. P-Stone: 77 (77+0)
Stamkos (F-TB)
Chara (D-Bos)
Kronwall (D-Det) 0
Luongo (G-Van)
Perry (F-Ana)
Carter (F-Phi)

6. Derek: 75 (72+3)
D. Sedin (F-Van)
Franzen (F-Det) 0
Boyle (D-SJ) 2A,W=3
Howard (G-Det) 0
Backstrom (F-Was)
Wideman (D-Was)

7. Mother of Kovalev: 62 (62+0)
Seidenberg (D-Bos)
Brian Boyle (F-NYR)
Laich (F-Was)
Giroux (F-Phi)
Meszaros (D-Phi)
Fleury (G-Pit)

Scores and Standings 5/11,"My Wife Can't Stay Awake for West Coast Hockey" edition

2011-05-11T17:22:00.000-04:00

1. Bride of Kovalev: 94 (91+3)
Datsyuk (F-Det) A,W=2
Pavelski (F-SJ) 0
Lidstrom (D-Det) W=1
Thomas (G-Bos)
Ovechkin (F-Was)
Visnovsky (D-Ana)

2. Cousin Kovalev: 92 (92+0)
Kesler (F-Van)
Ehrhoff (D-Van)
Briere (F-Phi)
Hartnell (F-Phi)
Subban (D-Mon)
Rinne (G-Nas)

3. Hawks Fan: 88 (87+1)
Marleau (F-SJ) 0
St. Louis (F-TB)
Lucic (F-Bos)
Rafalski (D-Det) W=1
Keith (D-Chi)
Miller (G-Buf)

4. P-Stone: 77 (75+2)
Stamkos (F-TB)
Chara (D-Bos)
Kronwall (D-Det) A,W=2
Luongo (G-Van)
Perry (F-Ana)
Carter (F-Phi)

5. Father of Kovalev: 75 (72+3)
H. Sedin (F-Van)
Zetterberg (F-Det) G,W=3
Thornton (F-SJ) 0
Kaberle (D-Bos)
Letang (D-Pit)
Bobrovsky (G-Phi)

6. Derek: 72 (70+2)
D. Sedin (F-Van)
Franzen (F-Det) W=1
Boyle (D-SJ) 0
Howard (G-Det) W=1
Backstrom (F-Was)
Wideman (D-Was)

7. Mother of Kovalev: 62 (62+0)
Seidenberg (D-Bos)
Brian Boyle (F-NYR)
Laich (F-Was)
Giroux (F-Phi)
Meszaros (D-Phi)
Fleury (G-Pit)

Scores and Standings 5/10 "Better late than never" Edition

2011-05-10T21:37:00.000-04:00

Sorry for the delay in getting the scores up today. Canucks win, now we just wait to see whether the Sharks can put the Wings away. If any team can come back from 0-3, it's the Red Wings. And if any team can choke on a 3-0 series lead, it's the Sharks. They make post-season collapses into an art.

1. Cousin Kovalev: 92 (88+4)
Kesler (F-Van) 2A,W=3
Ehrhoff (D-Van) W=1
Rinne (G-Nas) 0
Briere (F-Phi)
Hartnell (F-Phi)
Subban (D-Mon)

2. Bride of Kovalev: 91 (91+0)
Datsyuk (F-Det)
Pavelski (F-SJ)
Lidstrom (D-Det)
Thomas (G-Bos)
Ovechkin (F-Was)
Visnovsky (D-Ana)

3. Hawks Fan: 87 (87+0)
Marleau (F-SJ)
St. Louis (F-TB)
Lucic (F-Bos)
Rafalski (D-Det)
Keith (D-Chi)
Miller (G-Buf)

4. P-Stone: 75 (74+1)
Stamkos (F-TB)
Chara (D-Bos)
Kronwall (D-Det)
Luongo (G-Van) W=1
Perry (F-Ana)
Carter (F-Phi)

5. Father of Kovalev: 72 (70+2)
H. Sedin (F-Van) A,W=2
Zetterberg (F-Det)
Thornton (F-SJ)
Kaberle (D-Bos)
Letang (D-Pit)
Bobrovsky (G-Phi)

6. Derek: 70 (67+3)
D. Sedin (F-Van) G,W=3
Franzen (F-Det)
Boyle (D-SJ)
Howard (G-Det)
Backstrom (F-Was)
Wideman (D-Was)

7. Mother of Kovalev: 62 (62+0)
Seidenberg (D-Bos)
Brian Boyle (F-NYR)
Laich (F-Was)
Giroux (F-Phi)
Meszaros (D-Phi)
Fleury (G-Pit)

And now, a message from Mother of Kovalev:

2011-05-09T12:54:00.000-04:00

And so I joined poolish activity and hoo, boy do I look dumb. Is only to be expected..what am I, a fortune teller? Last-placeness must be result of brain mildew--what with everything else (hoo boy, don’t even ask) we get whole month of April with only 3 days no rain, whole start of May with cold and wind and more rain and hail and even snow besides, what can you expect, miracles? Am strong and sturdy and no whiney-puss, but enough is enough already and telling the future just not possible. So sue me, capitalist pig. One person makes fun of Mama Kovalev, I hope his cow dies.

Scores and Standings 5/9,"You boys in the West done yet?" edition

2011-05-09T09:34:00.000-04:00

1. Bride of Kovalev: 91 (83+8)
Datsyuk (F-Det) 3A,W=4
Pavelski (F-SJ) G=2
Lidstrom (D-Det) A,W=2
Thomas (G-Bos)
Ovechkin (F-Was)
Visnovsky (D-Ana)

2. Cousin Kovalev: 88 (88+0)
Kesler (F-Van)
Ehrhoff (D-Van)
Rinne (G-Nas)
Briere (F-Phi)
Hartnell (F-Phi)
Subban (D-Mon)

3. Hawks Fan: 87 (86+1)
Marleau (F-SJ) 0
St. Louis (F-TB)
Lucic (F-Bos)
Rafalski (D-Det) W=1
Keith (D-Chi)
Miller (G-Buf)

4. P-Stone: 74 (70+4)
Stamkos (F-TB)
Chara (D-Bos)
Kronwall (D-Det) G,A,W=4
Luongo (G-Van)
Perry (F-Ana)
Carter (F-Phi)

5. Father of Kovalev: 70 (67+3)
H. Sedin (F-Van)
Zetterberg (F-Det) A,W=2
Thornton (F-SJ) A=1
Kaberle (D-Bos)
Letang (D-Pit)
Bobrovsky (G-Phi)

6. Derek: 67 (64+3)
D. Sedin (F-Van)
Franzen (F-Det) W=1
Boyle (D-SJ) A=1
Howard (G-Det) W=1
Backstrom (F-Was)
Wideman (D-Was)

7. Mother of Kovalev: 62 (62+0)
Seidenberg (D-Bos)
Brian Boyle (F-NYR)
Laich (F-Was)
Giroux (F-Phi)
Meszaros (D-Phi)
Fleury (G-Pit)

Scores and Standings 5/8 "The mother of all editions" Edition

2011-05-08T19:54:00.000-04:00

Happy Mother's day. No, you don't get any extra points for giving birth to me.

http://www.billy-collins.com/2005/06/the_lanyard.html

1. Cousin Kovalev: 88 (83+5)
Kesler (F-Van) 2G=4
Ehrhoff (D-Van) 0
Rinne (G-Nas) W=1
Briere (F-Phi)

Hartnell (F-Phi)

Subban (D-Mon)

2. Hawks Fan: 86 (86+0)
Marleau (F-SJ)
St. Louis (F-TB)
Lucic (F-Bos)
Rafalski (D-Det)
Keith (D-Chi)
Miller (G-Buf)

3. Bride of Kovalev: 83 (83+0)
Datsyuk (F-Det)
Pavelski (F-SJ)
Lidstrom (D-Det)
Thomas (G-Bos)
Ovechkin (F-Was)
Visnovsky (D-Ana)

4. P-Stone: 70 (70+0)
Stamkos (F-TB)
Chara (D-Bos)
Kronwall (D-Det)
Luongo (G-Van) 0

Perry (F-Ana)
Carter (F-Phi)

5. Father of Kovalev: 67 (66+1)
H. Sedin (F-Van) W=1
Zetterberg (F-Det)
Thornton (F-SJ)
Kaberle (D-Bos)
Letang (D-Pit)
Bobrovsky (G-Phi)

6. Derek: 64 (63+1)
D. Sedin (F-Van) W=1
Franzen (F-Det)
Boyle (D-SJ)
Howard (G-Det)
Backstrom (F-Was)
Wideman (D-Was)

7. Mother of Kovalev: 62 (62+0)
Seidenberg (D-Bos)
Brian Boyle (F-NYR)
Laich (F-Was)
Giroux (F-Phi)

Meszaros (D-Phi)

Fleury (G-Pit)

Scores and Standings 5/7,"We don't need goaltending in Philadelphia" edition

2011-05-07T07:54:00.000-04:00

Same story, different year: The Phbbbbblyers think they can win with mediocre goaltending.

1. Hawks Fan: 86 (79+7)
Marleau (F-SJ) 0
St. Louis (F-TB)
Lucic (F-Bos) 2G,W=5
Rafalski (D-Det) A,W=2
Keith (D-Chi)
Miller (G-Buf)

T2. Cousin Kovalev: 83 (83+0)
Briere (F-Phi) 0
Kesler (F-Van)
Hartnell (F-Phi) 0
Ehrhoff (D-Van)
Rinne (G-Nas)
Subban (D-Mon)

T2. Bride of Kovalev: 83 (75+8) Datsyuk (F-Det) A,W=2
Pavelski (F-SJ) 0
Lidstrom (D-Det) 2G,W=5
Thomas (G-Bos) W=1
Ovechkin (F-Was)
Visnovsky (D-Ana)

4. P-Stone: 70 (68+2)
Stamkos (F-TB)
Carter (F-Phi) 0
Chara (D-Bos) W=1
Kronwall (D-Det) W=1
Luongo (G-Van)
Perry (F-Ana)

5. Father of Kovalev: 66 (62+4)
H. Sedin (F-Van)
Zetterberg (F-Det) 2A,W=3
Thornton (F-SJ) 0
Kaberle (D-Bos) W=1
Bobrovsky (G-Phi) 0
Letang (D-Pit)

6. Derek: 63 (59+4)
D. Sedin (F-Van)
Franzen (F-Det) W=1
Boyle (D-SJ) G=2
Howard (G-Det) W=1
Backstrom (F-Was)
Wideman (D-Was)

7. Mother of Kovalev: 62 (61+1)
Giroux (F-Phi) 0
Seidenberg (D-Bos) W=1
Meszaros (D-Phi) 0
Laich (F-Was)
Fleury (G-Pit)
Brian Boyle (F-NYR)

Scores and Standings 5/6, "No timetable for withdrawal from the desert" Edition

2011-05-06T07:47:00.002-04:00

No, we're not talking about Iraq. Or Afghanistan. It's looking more and more like the Coyotes are staying right where they are, taking money from the real NHL teams. By the way, each time you buy a ticket or a hat or sweater for your favorite team, you're helping finance the Coyotes.

1. Cousin Kovalev: 83 (73+10)
Briere (F-Phi)
Kesler (F-Van) G,2A,W=5
Hartnell (F-Phi)
Ehrhoff (D-Van) G,2A,W=5
Rinne (G-Nas) 0
Subban (D-Mon)

2. Hawks Fan: 79 (79+0)
Marleau (F-SJ)
St. Louis (F-TB)
Lucic (F-Bos)
Rafalski (D-Det)
Keith (D-Chi)
Miller (G-Buf)

3. Bride of Kovalev: 75 (75+0)
Datsyuk (F-Det)
Pavelski (F-SJ)
Lidstrom (D-Det)
Thomas (G-Bos)
Ovechkin (F-Was)
Visnovsky (D-Ana)

4. P-Stone: 68 (67+1)
Stamkos (F-TB)
Carter (F-Phi)
Chara (D-Bos)
Kronwall (D-Det)
Luongo (G-Van) W=1
Perry (F-Ana)

5. Father of Kovalev: 62 (57+5)
H. Sedin (F-Van) G,2A,W=5
Zetterberg (F-Det)
Thornton (F-SJ)
Kaberle (D-Bos)
Bobrovsky (G-Phi)
Letang (D-Pit)

6. Mother of Kovalev: 61 (61+0)
Giroux (F-Phi)
Seidenberg (D-Bos)
Meszaros (D-Phi)
Laich (F-Was)

Fleury (G-Pit)
Brian Boyle (F-NYR)

7. Derek: 59 (57+2)
D. Sedin (F-Van) A,W=2
Franzen (F-Det)
Boyle (D-SJ)
Howard (G-Det)
Backstrom (F-Was)
Wideman (D-Was)

Scores and Standings 5/5, "Round here, we call it May the Fifth" edition

2011-05-05T09:28:00.000-04:00

1. Hawks Fan: 79 (72+7)
Marleau (F-SJ) W=1
St. Louis (F-TB) G,A,W=4
Lucic (F-Bos) A,W=2
Rafalski (D-Det) 0
Keith (D-Chi)
Miller (G-Buf)

2. Bride of Kovalev: 75 (66+9)
Ovechkin (F-Was) A=1
Datsyuk (F-Det) G=2
Pavelski (F-SJ) A,W=2
Lidstrom (D-Det) G,A=3
Thomas (G-Bos) W=1
Visnovsky (D-Ana)

3. Cousin Kovalev: 73 (73+0)
Briere (F-Phi) 0
Kesler (F-Van)
Hartnell (F-Phi) 0
Ehrhoff (D-Van)
Rinne (G-Nas)
Subban (D-Mon)

4. P-Stone: 67 (60+7)
Stamkos (F-TB) W=1
Carter (F-Phi) 0
Chara (D-Bos) 2G,A,W=6
Kronwall (D-Det) 0
Luongo (G-Van)
Perry (F-Ana)

5. Mother of Kovalev: 61 (56+5)
Giroux (F-Phi) 0
Laich (F-Was) A=1
Seidenberg (D-Bos) A,W=2
Meszaros (D-Phi) G=2
Fleury (G-Pit)
Brian Boyle (F-NYR)

T6. Derek: 57 (53+4)
D. Sedin (F-Van)
Franzen (F-Det) 0
Backstrom (F-Was) 0
Boyle (D-SJ) G,A,W=4
Wideman (D-Was) 0
Howard (G-Det) 0

T6. Father of Kovalev: 57 (50+7)
H. Sedin (F-Van)
Zetterberg (F-Det) 2A=2
Thornton (F-SJ) 3A,W=4
Kaberle (D-Bos) W=1
Bobrovsky (G-Phi) 0
Letang (D-Pit)

Scores and Standings 5/4, "May the fourth be with you" edition

2011-05-04T10:47:00.000-04:00

1. Cousin Kovalev: 73 (64+9)
Briere (F-Phi)
Kesler (F-Van) 2G,A,W=6
Hartnell (F-Phi)
Ehrhoff (D-Van) 2A,W=3
Rinne (G-Nas) 0
Subban (D-Mon)

2. Hawks Fan: 72 (70+2)
Marleau (F-SJ)
St. Louis (F-TB) A,W=2
Lucic (F-Bos)
Rafalski (D-Det)
Keith (D-Chi)
Miller (G-Buf)

3. Bride of Kovalev: 66 (63+3)
Ovechkin (F-Was) G,A=3
Datsyuk (F-Det)
Pavelski (F-SJ)
Lidstrom (D-Det)
Thomas (G-Bos)
Visnovsky (D-Ana)

4. P-Stone: 60 (56+4)
Stamkos (F-TB) G,W=3
Carter (F-Phi)
Chara (D-Bos)
Kronwall (D-Det)
Luongo (G-Van) W=1
Perry (F-Ana)

5. Mother of Kovalev: 56 (56+0)
Giroux (F-Phi)
Laich (F-Was) 0
Seidenberg (D-Bos)
Meszaros (D-Phi)
Fleury (G-Pit)
Brian Boyle (F-NYR)

6. Derek: 53 (51+2)
D. Sedin (F-Van) A,W=2
Franzen (F-Det)
Backstrom (F-Was) 0
Boyle (D-SJ)
Wideman (D-Was) 0
Howard (G-Det)

7. Father of Kovalev: 50 (49+1)
H. Sedin (F-Van) W=1
Zetterberg (F-Det)
Thornton (F-SJ)
Kaberle (D-Bos)
Bobrovsky (G-Phi)
Letang (D-Pit)

Scores and Standings 5/3, "I'm getting deja vu" Edition

2011-05-03T07:02:00.000-04:00

Bruins are up 2-0 in their series against the Flyers...

1. Hawks Fan: 70 (69+1)
Marleau (F-SJ)
St. Louis (F-TB)
Lucic (F-Bos) W=1
Rafalski (D-Det)
Keith (D-Chi)
Miller (G-Buf)

2. Cousin Kovalev: 64 (63+1)
Briere (F-Phi) A=1
Kesler (F-Van)
Hartnell (F-Phi) 0
Ehrhoff (D-Van)
Rinne (G-Nas)
Subban (D-Mon)

3. Bride of Kovalev: 63 (62+1)
Ovechkin (F-Was)
Datsyuk (F-Det)
Pavelski (F-SJ)
Lidstrom (D-Det)
Thomas (G-Bos) W=1
Visnovsky (D-Ana)

T4. P-Stone: 56 (55+1)
Stamkos (F-TB)
Carter (F-Phi) 0
Chara (D-Bos) W=1
Kronwall (D-Det)
Luongo (G-Van)
Perry (F-Ana)

T4. Mother of Kovalev: 56 (54+2)
Giroux (F-Phi) A=1
Laich (F-Was)
Seidenberg (D-Bos) W=1
Meszaros (D-Phi) 0
Fleury (G-Pit)
Brian Boyle (F-NYR)

6. Derek: 51 (51+0)
D. Sedin (F-Van)
Franzen (F-Det)
Backstrom (F-Was)
Boyle (D-SJ)
Wideman (D-Was)
Howard (G-Det)

7. Father of Kovalev: 49 (47+2)
H. Sedin (F-Van)
Zetterberg (F-Det)
Thornton (F-SJ)
Kaberle (D-Bos) A,W=2
Bobrovsky (G-Phi) 0
Letang (D-Pit)

Scores and Standings 5/2, "We'll give you a nine year head start, bitch" edition

2011-05-02T12:31:00.000-04:00

Too bad we can't see that shithead's body being dragged through the streets of New York, DC, and Shanksville. I would also have loved to see his head put on a pike outside the Capitol.
Ah well. Go us.

Sorry I didn't get any scores up this weekend. I was at a Civil War reenactment and had no access to technology ahead of steam engines or musket rifling.
Today's standings reflect the scores from Friday, Saturday, and Sunday.

1. Hawks Fan: 69 (61+8)
Marleau (F-SJ) (FRI)W=1 (SUN)W=1
St. Louis (F-TB) (FRI)W=1 (SUN)G,A,W=4
Lucic (F-Bos) (SAT)W=1
Rafalski (D-Det) (FRI)0 (SUN)0
Keith (D-Chi)
Miller (G-Buf)

2. Cousin Kovalev: 63 (59+4)
Briere (F-Phi) (SAT)G=2
Kesler (F-Van) (SAT)A=1
Hartnell (F-Phi) (SAT)0
Ehrhoff (D-Van) (SAT)0
Rinne (G-Nas) (SAT)W=1
Subban (D-Mon)

3. Bride of Kovalev: 62 (51+11)
Ovechkin (F-Was) (FRI)0 (SUN)G=2
Datsyuk (F-Det) (FRI)A=1 (SUN)A=1
Pavelski (F-SJ) (FRI)G,W=3 (SUN)W=1
Lidstrom (D-Det) (FRI)G=2 (SUN)0
Thomas (G-Bos) (SAT)W=1
Visnovsky (D-Ana)

4. P-Stone: 55 (50+5)
Stamkos (F-TB) (FRI)G,W=3 (SUN)W=1
Carter (F-Phi) (SAT)0
Chara (D-Bos) (SAT)W=1
Kronwall (D-Det) (FRI)0 (SUN)0
Luongo (G-Van) (SAT)0
Perry (F-Ana)

T5. Mother of Kovalev: 54 (46+8)
Giroux (F-Phi) (SAT)2A=2
Laich (F-Was) (FRI)0 (SUN)G,A=3
Seidenberg (D-Bos) (SAT)2A,W=3
Meszaros (D-Phi) (SAT)0
Fleury (G-Pit)
Brian Boyle (F-NYR)

6. Derek: 51 (46+5)
D. Sedin (F-Van) (SAT)0
Franzen (F-Det) (FRI)0 (SUN)0
Backstrom (F-Was) (FRI)0 (SUN)A=1
Boyle (D-SJ) (FRI)2A,W=3 (SUN)W=1
Wideman (D-Was) (FRI)0 (SUN)0
Howard (G-Det) (FRI)0 (SUN)0

7. Father of Kovalev: 47 (41+6)
H. Sedin (F-Van) (SAT)0
Zetterberg (F-Det) (FRI)0 (SUN)G=2
Thornton (F-SJ) (FRI)A,W=2 (SUN)W=1
Kaberle (D-Bos) (SAT)W=1
Bobrovsky (G-Phi) (SAT)0
Letang (D-Pit)

Scores and Standings 4/29, "The second round has already started?" Edition

2011-04-29T07:26:00.002-04:00

1. Hawks Fan: 61 (61+0)
Marleau (F-SJ)
St. Louis (F-TB)
Lucic (F-Bos)
Rafalski (D-Det)
Keith (D-Chi)
Miller (G-Buf)

2. Cousin Kovalev: 59 (57+2)
Briere (F-Phi)
Kesler (F-Van) W=1
Hartnell (F-Phi)
Ehrhoff (D-Van) W=1
Rinne (G-Nas) 0
Subban (D-Mon)

3. Bride of Kovalev: 51 (51+0)
Ovechkin (F-Was)
Datsyuk (F-Det)
Pavelski (F-SJ)
Lidstrom (D-Det)
Thomas (G-Bos)
Visnovsky (D-Ana)

4. P-Stone: 50 (47+3)
Stamkos (F-TB)
Carter (F-Phi)
Chara (D-Bos)
Kronwall (D-Det)
Luongo (G-Van) W,SO=3
Perry (F-Ana)

T5. Mother of Kovalev: 46 (46+0)
Giroux (F-Phi)
Laich (F-Was)
Seidenberg (D-Bos)
Meszaros (D-Phi)
Fleury (G-Pit)
Brian Boyle (F-NYR)

T5. Derek: 46 (45+1)
D. Sedin (F-Van) W=1
Franzen (F-Det)
Backstrom (F-Was)
Boyle (D-SJ)
Wideman (D-Was)
Howard (G-Det)

7. Father of Kovalev: 41 (40+1)
H. Sedin (F-Van) W=1
Zetterberg (F-Det)
Thornton (F-SJ)
Kaberle (D-Bos)
Bobrovsky (G-Phi)
Letang (D-Pit)

Scores and Standings 4/28, "Sonuvabitch" Edition

2011-04-28T07:31:00.000-04:00

What can I say? Habs lose, Bruins win. The better team won. Jacques Martin will suffer no consequences for getting out-coached, since everyone will blame the lack of healthy players (which was, admittedly, a factor).

Here's an interesting look at Montreal playoff success:
Since 1993, Montreal has won the first playoff round five times. Three of those first-round wins came against the Bruins. In 1998 they beat the Penguins, and last year they beat the Capitals.
And by the way, last year's win against the Penguins was Montreal's ONLY win in the second round since 1993.
And six other times they failed to advance out of the first round.
The rest of the time (six years) they finished out of the playoffs.

1. Hawks Fan: 61 (58+3)
Marleau (F-SJ)
St. Louis (F-TB) W=1
Lucic (F-Bos) A,W=2
Keith (D-Chi)
Rafalski (D-Det)
Miller (G-Buf)

2. Cousin Kovalev: 57 (55+2)
Briere (F-Phi)
Kesler (F-Van)
Hartnell (F-Phi)
Ehrhoff (D-Van)
Subban (D-Mon) G=2
Rinne (G-Nas)

3. Bride of Kovalev: 51 (50+1)
Ovechkin (F-Was)
Datsyuk (F-Det)
Pavelski (F-SJ)
Lidstrom (D-Det)
Visnovsky (D-Ana)
Thomas (G-Bos) W=1

4. P-Stone: 47 (45+2)
Perry (F-Ana)
Stamkos (F-TB) W=1
Carter (F-Phi)
Chara (D-Bos) W=1
Kronwall (D-Det)
Luongo (G-Van)

5. Mother of Kovalev: 46 (45+1)
Giroux (F-Phi)
Brian Boyle (F-NYR)
Laich (F-Was)
Seidenberg (D-Bos) W=1
Meszaros (D-Phi)
Fleury (G-Pit) 0

6. Derek: 45 (45+0)
D. Sedin (F-Van)
Franzen (F-Det)
Backstrom (F-Was)
Boyle (D-SJ)
Wideman (D-Was)
Howard (G-Det)

7. Father of Kovalev: 40 (39+1)
H. Sedin (F-Van)
Zetterberg (F-Det)
Thornton (F-SJ)
Letang (D-Pit) 0
Kaberle (D-Bos) W=1
Bobrovsky (G-Phi)

Scores and Standings 4/27, "Ow, my head" Edition

2011-04-27T07:55:00.001-04:00

Well um, so, that was interesting. I guess Chris Lee and Kevin Pollock (another ahem-questionable official) read the blog yesterday. Bruins get eight penalties while Montreal gets four. Can't say I've ever seen a game like that when either of those guys have been on the ice.

Condolences to Saddletramp, otherwise known as Hawks fan. They fought the good fight, and proved why it's so dang rare to see a team overcome a 3-0 deficit. Overtime! I hope you had your cardiologist on speed-dial.

Bad Guys win in Philly. Good for my team, bad for Rob Niedermayer, and bad for the game of hockey.

1. Hawks Fan: 58 (58+0)
Marleau (F-SJ)
St. Louis (F-TB)
Lucic (F-Bos) 0
Keith (D-Chi) 0
Rafalski (D-Det)
Miller (G-Buf) 0

2. Cousin Kovalev: 55 (45+10)
Briere (F-Phi) G,A,W=4
Kesler (F-Van) A,W=2
Hartnell (F-Phi) W=1
Ehrhoff (D-Van) W=1
Subban (D-Mon) A,W=2
Rinne (G-Nas)

3. Bride of Kovalev: 50 (50+0)
Ovechkin (F-Was)
Datsyuk (F-Det)
Pavelski (F-SJ)
Lidstrom (D-Det)
Visnovsky (D-Ana)
Thomas (G-Bos) 0

T4. Derek: 45 (44+1)
D. Sedin (F-Van) W=1
Franzen (F-Det)
Backstrom (F-Was)
Boyle (D-SJ)
Wideman (D-Was)
Howard (G-Det)

T4. P-Stone: 45 (43+2)
Perry (F-Ana)
Stamkos (F-TB)
Carter (F-Phi) W=1
Chara (D-Bos) 0
Kronwall (D-Det)
Luongo (G-Van) W=1

T4. Mother of Kovalev: 45 (39+6)
Giroux (F-Phi) 2A,W=3
Brian Boyle (F-NYR)
Laich (F-Was)
Seidenberg (D-Bos) G=2
Meszaros (D-Phi) W=1
Fleury (G-Pit)

7. Father of Kovalev: 39 (37+2)
H. Sedin (F-Van) W=1
Zetterberg (F-Det)
Thornton (F-SJ)
Letang (D-Pit)
Kaberle (D-Bos) 0
Bobrovsky (G-Phi) W=1

The Canadiens will NOT win tonight

2011-04-26T09:47:00.000-04:00

And here's why:

Chris Lee.

I guarantee my Bruins fans friends that they will see Boston go on the power play at some crucial point in the game on a questionable call.

Take it to the bank.

And speaking of bank, that's exactly where Mr. Lee will be going after the game to deposit his mystery check, one of many he has received in exchange for his corrupt, NBA-like officiating.

Scores and Standings 4/26, "Joe Thornton scored a playoff goal?" Edition

2011-04-26T06:32:00.000-04:00

1. Hawks Fan: 58 (55+3)
Marleau (F-SJ) A,W=2
St. Louis (F-TB) W=1
Lucic (F-Bos)
Keith (D-Chi)
Rafalski (D-Det)
Miller (G-Buf)

2. Bride of Kovalev: 50 (48+2)
Ovechkin (F-Was)
Datsyuk (F-Det)
Pavelski (F-SJ) A,W=2
Lidstrom (D-Det)
Visnovsky (D-Ana)
Thomas (G-Bos)

3. Cousin Kovalev: 45 (45+0)
Briere (F-Phi)
Kesler (F-Van)
Hartnell (F-Phi)
Ehrhoff (D-Van)
Subban (D-Mon)
Rinne (G-Nas)

4. Derek: 44 (43+1)
D. Sedin (F-Van)
Franzen (F-Det)
Backstrom (F-Was)
Boyle (D-SJ) W=1
Wideman (D-Was)
Howard (G-Det)

5. P-Stone: 43 (42+1)
Perry (F-Ana)
Stamkos (F-TB) W=1
Carter (F-Phi)
Chara (D-Bos)
Kronwall (D-Det)
Luongo (G-Van)

6. Mother of Kovalev: 39 (39+0)
Giroux (F-Phi)
Brian Boyle (F-NYR)
Laich (F-Was)
Seidenberg (D-Bos)
Meszaros (D-Phi)
Fleury (G-Pit) 0

7. Father of Kovalev: 37 (33+4)
H. Sedin (F-Van)
Zetterberg (F-Det)
Thornton (F-SJ) G,A,W=4
Letang (D-Pit) 0
Kaberle (D-Bos)
Bobrovsky (G-Phi)

Scores and Standings 4/25, "Let's go to game seven" edition

2011-04-25T07:06:00.005-04:00

Just like the Habs, the Canucks seem to have an aversion to winning. They once again fail to clinch the series, and now anything can happen in game 7. In another game 6, the Flyers come back to win in OT, and, news alert, they're just as dirty and cowardly as ever. And the NHL does not care.

Preds win. Told ya so.

1. Hawks Fan: 55 (53+2)
Marleau (F-SJ)
St. Louis (F-TB)
Lucic (F-Bos)
Keith (D-Chi) W=1
Rafalski (D-Det)
Miller (G-Buf) A=1

2. Bride of Kovalev: 48 (47+1)
Ovechkin (F-Was)
Datsyuk (F-Det)
Pavelski (F-SJ)
Lidstrom (D-Det)
Visnovsky (D-Ana) A=1
Thomas (G-Bos)

3. Cousin Kovalev: 45 (34+11)
Briere (F-Phi) 2G,W=5
Kesler (F-Van) 0
Hartnell (F-Phi) G,A,W=4
Ehrhoff (D-Van) 0
Subban (D-Mon)
Rinne (G-Nas) A,W=2

4. Derek: 43 (41+2)
D. Sedin (F-Van) G=2
Franzen (F-Det)
Backstrom (F-Was)
Boyle (D-SJ)
Wideman (D-Was)
Howard (G-Det)

5. P-Stone: 42 (41+1)
Perry (F-Ana) 0
Stamkos (F-TB)
Carter (F-Phi) W=1
Chara (D-Bos)
Kronwall (D-Det)
Luongo (G-Van) 0

6. Mother of Kovalev: 39 (34+5)
Giroux (F-Phi) 2A,W=3
Brian Boyle (F-NYR)
Laich (F-Was)
Seidenberg (D-Bos)
Meszaros (D-Phi) A,W=2
Fleury (G-Pit)

7. Father of Kovalev: 33 (31+2)
H. Sedin (F-Van) A=1
Zetterberg (F-Det)
Thornton (F-SJ)
Letang (D-Pit)
Kaberle (D-Bos)
Bobrovsky (G-Phi) W=1

Scores and Standings 4/24, "Which of these two Bruins in front of the net would you like me to cover?" edition

2011-04-24T08:20:00.000-04:00

1. Hawks Fan: 53 (46+7)
Marleau (F-SJ) G=2
St. Louis (F-TB) 2A,W=3
Lucic (F-Bos) A,W=2
Keith (D-Chi)
Rafalski (D-Det)
Miller (G-Buf)

2. Bride of Kovalev: 47 (42+5)
Ovechkin (F-Was) G,A,W=4
Datsyuk (F-Det)
Pavelski (F-SJ) 0
Lidstrom (D-Det)
Visnovsky (D-Ana)
Thomas (G-Bos) W=1

T3. Derek: 41 (39+2)
D. Sedin (F-Van)
Franzen (F-Det)
Backstrom (F-Was) W=1
Boyle (D-SJ) 0
Wideman (D-Was) W=1
Howard (G-Det)

T3. P-Stone: 41 (34+7)
Perry (F-Ana)
Stamkos (F-TB) 2G,A,W=6
Carter (F-Phi)
Chara (D-Bos) W=1
Kronwall (D-Det)
Luongo (G-Van)

T5. Cousin Kovalev: 34 (34+0)
Briere (F-Phi)
Kesler (F-Van)
Hartnell (F-Phi)
Ehrhoff (D-Van)
Subban (D-Mon) 0
Rinne (G-Nas)

T5. Mother of Kovalev: 34 (30+4)
Giroux (F-Phi)
Brian Boyle (F-NYR) 0
Laich (F-Was) 2A,W=3
Seidenberg (D-Bos) W=1
Meszaros (D-Phi)
Fleury (G-Pit) 0

7. Father of Kovalev: 31 (27+4)
H. Sedin (F-Van)
Zetterberg (F-Det)
Thornton (F-SJ) A=1
Letang (D-Pit) A=1
Kaberle (D-Bos) A,W=2
Bobrovsky (G-Phi)

Hate to say "I told ya so..."

2011-04-23T10:05:00.000-04:00

So, here's my question:

Am I the only person who noticed that, even during the first period of Thursday's Bruins-Habs game, the Bruins were actually controlling the neutral zone?

When my dad taught me to play chess, he explained that the center four squares of the board are key to controlling the entire field. In hockey, center ice is the same. The team that controls the neutral zone can control the pace, and will more likely win than not. Sure, Montreal out-shot the Bruins in that first period, but they didn't capitalize as much as they could have. Throughout the game, Boston forced Montreal to dump-and-chase, ice the puck, or turn it over. Montreal got their chances, but the results speak for themselves.

As a total aside, many thanks to my friends and fellow horn-dogs over at Four Habs Fans for coming through for me.

Scores and Standings 4/23, "The Sabres did what?" edition

2011-04-23T09:53:00.000-04:00

1. Hawks Fan: 46 (45+1)
Marleau (F-SJ)
St. Louis (F-TB)
Lucic (F-Bos)
Keith (D-Chi)
Rafalski (D-Det)
Miller (G-Buf) W=1

2. Bride of Kovalev: 42 (42+0)
Ovechkin (F-Was)
Datsyuk (F-Det)
Pavelski (F-SJ)
Lidstrom (D-Det)
Visnovsky (D-Ana) 0
Thomas (G-Bos)

3. Derek: 39 (39+0)
D. Sedin (F-Van)
Franzen (F-Det)
Backstrom (F-Was)
Boyle (D-SJ)
Wideman (D-Was)
Howard (G-Det)

T4. P-Stone: 34 (34+0)
Perry (F-Ana) 0
Stamkos (F-TB)
Carter (F-Phi) 0
Chara (D-Bos)
Kronwall (D-Det)
Luongo (G-Van)

T4. Cousin Kovalev: 34 (31+3)
Briere (F-Phi) G=2
Kesler (F-Van)
Hartnell (F-Phi) 0
Ehrhoff (D-Van)
Subban (D-Mon)
Rinne (G-Nas) W=1

6. Mother of Kovalev: 30 (25+5)
Giroux (F-Phi) 2A=2
Brian Boyle (F-NYR)
Laich (F-Was)
Seidenberg (D-Bos)
Meszaros (D-Phi) G,A=3
Fleury (G-Pit)

7. Father of Kovalev: 27 (27+0)
H. Sedin (F-Van)
Zetterberg (F-Det)
Thornton (F-SJ)
Letang (D-Pit)
Kaberle (D-Bos)
Bobrovsky (G-Phi) 0

Scores and Standings 4/22, "A bad day to be a fan of Canadian teams" edition

2011-04-22T09:55:00.000-04:00

Wow. Montreal's defensive zone coverage=the suck. Spacek, Hamrlik, and Gomez are the Unholy Trinity of Suck. Carey Price's glove hand=sucks as much as last year.

Hey! Hawks are STILL alive.

Some game happened out west, I think.

1. Hawks Fan: 45 (35+10)
Marleau (F-SJ) A,W=2
St. Louis (F-TB)
Lucic (F-Bos) W=1
Keith (D-Chi) 2G,2A,W=7
Rafalski (D-Det)
Miller (G-Buf)

2. Bride of Kovalev: 42 (38+4)
Ovechkin (F-Was)
Datsyuk (F-Det)
Pavelski (F-SJ) G,W=3
Lidstrom (D-Det)
Visnovsky (D-Ana)
Thomas (G-Bos) W=1

3. Derek: 39 (37+2)
D. Sedin (F-Van) 0
Franzen (F-Det)
Backstrom (F-Was)
Boyle (D-SJ) A,W=2
Wideman (D-Was)
Howard (G-Det)

4. P-Stone: 34 (33+1)
Perry (F-Ana)
Stamkos (F-TB)
Carter (F-Phi)
Chara (D-Bos) W=1
Kronwall (D-Det)
Luongo (G-Van) 0

5. Cousin Kovalev: 31 (29+2)
Briere (F-Phi)
Kesler (F-Van) 0
Hartnell (F-Phi)
Ehrhoff (D-Van) 0
Subban (D-Mon) G=2
Rinne (G-Nas)

6. Father of Kovalev: 27 (22+5)
H. Sedin (F-Van) 0
Zetterberg (F-Det)
Thornton (F-SJ) G,W=3
Letang (D-Pit)
Kaberle (D-Bos) A,W=2
Bobrovsky (G-Phi)

7. Mother of Kovalev: 25 (23+2)
Giroux (F-Phi)
Brian Boyle (F-NYR)
Laich (F-Was)
Seidenberg (D-Bos) A,W=2
Meszaros (D-Phi)
Fleury (G-Pit)

Scores and Standings 4/21, "Is the writing on the wall?" edition

2011-04-21T09:56:00.001-04:00

OK, I'll admit it: I've had a problem getting accurate scores lately. Part of the problem is that I've been extremely busy and preoccupied with work matters, and haven't had my head completely in this thing.
I know I need to build back some credibility, and I apologize to all of you. I also thank all of you who have gently nudged me and informed me when I've screwed up. Your comments have all been good-natured, and I thank you for your patience.
I'll try to do better.

1. Bride of Kovalev: 38 (32+6)
Ovechkin (F-Was) W=1
Datsyuk (F-Det) A,W=2
Pavelski (F-SJ)
Lidstrom (D-Det) W=1
Visnovsky (D-Ana) A,W=2
Thomas (G-Bos)

2. Derek: 37 (33+4)
D. Sedin (F-Van)
Franzen (F-Det)W=1
Backstrom (F-Was) W=1
Boyle (D-SJ)
Wideman (D-Was) W=1
Howard (G-Det) W=1

3. Hawks Fan: 35 (28+7)
Marleau (F-SJ)
St. Louis (F-TB) G,A=3
Lucic (F-Bos)
Keith (D-Chi)
Rafalski (D-Det)W=1
Miller (G-Buf) SO,W=3

4. P-Stone: 33 (25+8)
Perry (F-Ana) G,2A,W=5
Stamkos (F-TB) 0
Carter (F-Phi) 0
Chara (D-Bos)
Kronwall (D-Det) G,W=3
Luongo (G-Van)

5. Cousin Kovalev: 29 (29+0)
Briere (F-Phi) 0
Kesler (F-Van)
Hartnell (F-Phi) 0
Ehrhoff (D-Van)
Subban (D-Mon)
Rinne (G-Nas) 0

6. Mother of Kovalev: 23 (20+3)
Giroux (F-Phi) 0
Brian Boyle (F-NYR) 0
Laich (F-Was) A,W=2
Seidenberg (D-Bos)
Meszaros (D-Phi) 0
Fleury (G-Pit) W=1

7. Father of Kovalev: 22 (20+2)
H. Sedin (F-Van)
Zetterberg (F-Det)W=1
Thornton (F-SJ)
Letang (D-Pit) W=1
Kaberle (D-Bos)
Bobrovsky (G-Phi) 0

Scores and Standings 4/20, "I'm not quite dead yet" Edition

2011-04-20T07:40:00.000-04:00

1. Derek: 33 (28+5)
D. Sedin (F-Van) G=2
Franzen (F-Det)
Backstrom (F-Was)
Boyle (D-SJ) 2A,W=3
Wideman (D-Was)
Howard (G-Det)

2. Bride of Kovalev: 32 (29+3)
Ovechkin (F-Was)
Datsyuk (F-Det)
Pavelski (F-SJ) G,W=3
Lidstrom (D-Det)
Visnovsky (D-Ana)
Thomas (G-Bos)

3. Cousin Kovalev: 29 (27+2)
Briere (F-Phi)
Kesler (F-Van) A=1
Hartnell (F-Phi)
Ehrhoff (D-Van) A=1
Subban (D-Mon)
Rinne (G-Nas)

4. Hawks Fan: 28 (21+7)
Marleau (F-SJ) G,A,W=4
St. Louis (F-TB)
Lucic (F-Bos)
Keith (D-Chi) G,W=3
Rafalski (D-Det)
Miller (G-Buf)

5. P-Stone: 25 (25+0)
Perry (F-Ana)
Stamkos (F-TB)
Carter (F-Phi)
Chara (D-Bos)
Kronwall (D-Det)
Luongo (G-Van) 0

T6. Mother of Kovalev: 20 (20+0)
Giroux (F-Phi)
Brian Boyle (F-NYR)
Laich (F-Was)
Seidenberg (D-Bos)
Meszaros (D-Phi)
Fleury (G-Pit)

T6. Father of Kovalev: 20 (18+2)
H. Sedin (F-Van) 0
Zetterberg (F-Det)
Thornton (F-SJ) A,W=2
Letang (D-Pit)
Kaberle (D-Bos)
Bobrovsky (G-Phi)

Scores and Standings 4/19, "Mama said there'd be days like this" edition

2011-04-19T08:56:00.000-04:00

1. Bride of Kovalev: 29 (26+3)
Ovechkin (F-Was)
Datsyuk (F-Det) W=1
Pavelski (F-SJ)
Lidstrom (D-Det) W=1
Visnovsky (D-Ana)
Thomas (G-Bos) W=1

2. Derek: 28 (24+4)
D. Sedin (F-Van)
Franzen (F-Det) G,W=3
Backstrom (F-Was)
Boyle (D-SJ)
Wideman (D-Was)
Howard (G-Det) W=1

3. Cousin Kovalev: 27 (21+6)
Briere (F-Phi) G,W=3
Kesler (F-Van)
Hartnell (F-Phi) A,W=2
Ehrhoff (D-Van)
Subban (D-Mon) A=1
Rinne (G-Nas)

4. P-Stone: 25 (15+10)
Perry (F-Ana)
Stamkos (F-TB) A=1
Carter (F-Phi) G,A,W=4
Chara (D-Bos) A,W=2
Kronwall (D-Det) 2A,W=3
Luongo (G-Van)

5. Hawks Fan: 21 (15+6)
Marleau (F-SJ)
St. Louis (F-TB) 2G=4
Lucic (F-Bos) W=1
Keith (D-Chi)
Rafalski (D-Det) W=1
Miller (G-Buf) 0

6. Mother of Kovalev: 20 (14+6)
Giroux (F-Phi) A,W=2
Brian Boyle (F-NYR)
Laich (F-Was)
Seidenberg (D-Bos) A,W=2
Meszaros (D-Phi) W=1
Fleury (G-Pit) W=1

7. Father of Kovalev: 18 (12+6)
H. Sedin (F-Van)
Zetterberg (F-Det) W=1
Thornton (F-SJ)
Letang (D-Pit) 2A,W=3
Kaberle (D-Bos) W=1
Bobrovsky (G-Phi) W=1

REVISED Scores and Standings 4/18

2011-04-18T08:50:00.001-04:00

1. Bride of Kovalev: 26 (23+3)
Ovechkin (F-Was) G,A=3
Datsyuk (F-Det)
Pavelski (F-SJ)
Lidstrom (D-Det)
Visnovsky (D-Ana) 0
Thomas (G-Bos)

2. Derek: 24 (19+5)
D. Sedin (F-Van) G,A,W=4
Franzen (F-Det)
Backstrom (F-Was) A=1
Boyle (D-SJ)
Wideman (D-Was) 0
Howard (G-Det)

3. Cousin Kovalev: 21 (15+6)
Briere (F-Phi)
Kesler (F-Van) W=1
Hartnell (F-Phi)
Ehrhoff (D-Van) G,A,W=4
Subban (D-Mon)
Rinne (G-Nas) W=1

T4. Hawks Fan: 15 (13+2)
Marleau (F-SJ)
St. Louis (F-TB)
Lucic (F-Bos)
Keith (D-Chi) G=2
Rafalski (D-Det)
Miller (G-Buf)

T4. P-Stone: 15 (12+3)
Perry (F-Ana) 2A=2
Stamkos (F-TB)
Carter (F-Phi)
Chara (D-Bos)
Kronwall (D-Det)
Luongo (G-Van) W=1

6. Mother of Kovalev: 14 (13+1)
Giroux (F-Phi)
Brian Boyle (F-NYR) W=1
Laich (F-Was) 0
Seidenberg (D-Bos)
Meszaros (D-Phi)
Fleury (G-Pit)

7. Father of Kovalev: 12 (9+3)
H. Sedin (F-Van) 2A,W=3
Zetterberg (F-Det)
Thornton (F-SJ)
Letang (D-Pit)
Kaberle (D-Bos)
Bobrovsky (G-Phi)

Scores and Standings 4/17

2011-04-17T08:26:00.000-04:00

1. Bride of Kovalev: 23 (14+9)
Ovechkin (F-Was)
Datsyuk (F-Det) G,3A,W=6
Pavelski (F-SJ) 0
Lidstrom (D-Det) 2A,W=3
Visnovsky (D-Ana)
Thomas (G-Bos) 0

2. Derek: 19 (17+2)
D. Sedin (F-Van)
Franzen (F-Det) W=1
Backstrom (F-Was)
Boyle (D-SJ) 0
Wideman (D-Was)
Howard (G-Det) W=1

3. Cousin Kovalev: 15 (9+6)
Briere (F-Phi) G,W=3
Kesler (F-Van)
Hartnell (F-Phi) A,W=2
Ehrhoff (D-Van)
Subban (D-Mon) W=1
Rinne (G-Nas)

T4. Hawks Fan: 13 (10+3)
Marleau (F-SJ) 0
St. Louis (F-TB)
Lucic (F-Bos) 0
Keith (D-Chi)
Rafalski (D-Det) G,W=3
Miller (G-Buf) 0

T4. Mother of Kovalev: 13 (6+7)
Giroux (F-Phi) G,A,W=4
Brian Boyle (F-NYR)
Laich (F-Was)
Seidenberg (D-Bos) 0
Meszaros (D-Phi) 2A,W=3
Fleury (G-Pit)

6. P-Stone: 12 (10+2)
Perry (F-Ana)
Stamkos (F-TB)
Carter (F-Phi) W=1
Chara (D-Bos) 0
Kronwall (D-Det) W=1
Luongo (G-Van)

7. Father of Kovalev: 9 (7+2)
H. Sedin (F-Van)
Zetterberg (F-Det) W=1
Thornton (F-SJ) 0
Letang (D-Pit)
Kaberle (D-Bos) 0
Bobrovsky (G-Phi) W=1

Scores and Standings 4/16

2011-04-16T09:52:00.001-04:00

1. Derek: 17 (9+8)
D. Sedin (F-Van) 2G,A,W=6
Franzen (F-Det)
Backstrom (F-Was) W=1
Boyle (D-SJ)
Wideman (D-Was) W=1
Howard (G-Det)

2. Bride of Kovalev: 14 (10+4)
Ovechkin (F-Was) A,W=2
Datsyuk (F-Det)
Pavelski (F-SJ)
Lidstrom (D-Det)
Visnovsky (D-Ana) A,W=2
Thomas (G-Bos)

T3. Hawks Fan: 10 (6+4)
Marleau (F-SJ)
St. Louis (F-TB) G,A,W=4
Lucic (F-Bos)
Keith (D-Chi) 0
Rafalski (D-Det)
Miller (G-Buf)

T3. P-Stone: 10 (4+6)
Perry (F-Ana) G,2A,W=5
Stamkos (F-TB) 0
Carter (F-Phi)
Chara (D-Bos)
Kronwall (D-Det)
Luongo (G-Van) W=1

5. Cousin Kovalev: 9 (5+4)
Briere (F-Phi)
Kesler (F-Van) A,W=2
Hartnell (F-Phi)
Ehrhoff (D-Van) A,W=2
Subban (D-Mon)
Rinne (G-Nas) 0

6. Father of Kovalev: 7 (5+2)
H. Sedin (F-Van) A,W=2
Zetterberg (F-Det)
Thornton (F-SJ)
Letang (D-Pit) 0
Kaberle (D-Bos)
Bobrovsky (G-Phi)

7. Mother of Kovalev: 6 (4+2)
Giroux (F-Phi)
Brian Boyle (F-NYR) 0
Laich (F-Was) A,W=2
Seidenberg (D-Bos)
Meszaros (D-Phi)
Fleury (G-Pit) 0

Scores and Standings 4/15

2011-04-15T07:30:00.001-04:00

1. Bride of Kovalev: 10 (7+3)
Ovechkin (F-Was)
Datsyuk (F-Det)
Pavelski (F-SJ) G,W=3
Lidstrom (D-Det)
Visnovsky (D-Ana)
Thomas (G-Bos) 0

2. Derek: 9 (8+1)
D. Sedin (F-Van)
Franzen (F-Det)
Backstrom (F-Was)
Boyle (D-SJ) W=1
Wideman (D-Was)
Howard (G-Det)

3. Hawks Fan: 6 (2+4)
Marleau (F-SJ) W=1
St. Louis (F-TB)
Lucic (F-Bos) 0
Keith (D-Chi)
Rafalski (D-Det)
Miller (G-Buf) SO,W=3

T4. Cousin Kovalev: 5 (4+1)
Briere (F-Phi) 0
Kesler (F-Van)
Hartnell (F-Phi) 0
Ehrhoff (D-Van)
Subban (D-Mon) W=1
Rinne (G-Nas)

T4. Father of Kovalev: 5 (4+1)
H. Sedin (F-Van)
Zetterberg (F-Det)
Thornton (F-SJ) W=1
Letang (D-Pit)
Kaberle (D-Bos) 0
Bobrovsky (G-Phi) 0

T6. Mother of Kovalev: 4
Giroux (F-Phi) 0
Brian Boyle (F-NYR)
Laich (F-Was)
Seidenberg (D-Bos) 0
Meszaros (D-Phi) 0
Fleury (G-Pit)

T6. P-Stone: 4
Perry (F-Ana)
Stamkos (F-TB)
Carter (F-Phi) 0
Chara (D-Bos) 0
Kronwall (D-Det)
Luongo (G-Van)

Scores and Standings--First day edition!

2011-04-14T07:19:00.001-04:00

1. Derek: 8
D. Sedin (F-Van) W=1
Franzen (F-Det) G,A,W=4
Backstrom (F-Was) W=1
Boyle (D-SJ)
Wideman (D-Was) W=1
Howard (G-Det) W=1

2. Bride of Kovalev: 7
Ovechkin (F-Was) G,W=3
Datsyuk (F-Det) G,W=3
Pavelski (F-SJ)
Lidstrom (D-Det) W=1
Visnovsky (D-Ana) 0
Thomas (G-Bos)

T3. Mother of Kovalev: 4
Giroux (F-Phi)
Brian Boyle (F-NYR) 0
Laich (F-Was) W=1
Seidenberg (D-Bos)
Meszaros (D-Phi)
Fleury (G-Pit) SO,W=3

T3. P-Stone: 4
Perry (F-Ana) 0
Stamkos (F-TB) 0
Carter (F-Phi)
Chara (D-Bos)
Kronwall (D-Det) W=1
Luongo (G-Van) SO,W=3

T3. Cousin Kovalev: 4
Briere (F-Phi)
Kesler (F-Van) A,W=2
Hartnell (F-Phi)
Ehrhoff (D-Van) W=1
Subban (D-Mon)
Rinne (G-Nas) W=1

T3. Father of Kovalev: 4
H. Sedin (F-Van) W=1
Zetterberg (F-Det) W=1
Thornton (F-SJ)
Letang (D-Pit) A,W=2
Kaberle (D-Bos)
Bobrovsky (G-Phi)

7. Hawks Fan: 2
Marleau (F-SJ)
St. Louis (F-TB) 0
Lucic (F-Bos)
Keith (D-Chi) 0
Rafalski (D-Det) G,W=2
Miller (G-Buf)

Are we smarter than ESPN?*

2011-04-13T09:32:00.003-04:00

By the way, I created a group named Kovalev's Kousin on the ESPN challenge, if you want to join. Original, I know.

*Editor's note: In my original article, I made a mistake by not accounting for the fact that Bride of Kovalev had actually picked Tim Thomas. That has been changed, and the article now reflects it.

I am entering a team on ESPN's Playoff Hockey Challenge, and it ranks players by dollar value.

If ESPN were to enter our pool right now, based on their valuations for who is left over, their team would look like this:

Best of the rest (rank in respective position):
Sidney Crosby (1)
Jonathan Toews (8)
Ryan Getzlaf (10)
Keith Yandle (2)
James Wisniewski (6)
Jonathan Quick (3)

Here are the very top players, according to ESPN:

Crosby
Sedin
Sedin
Visnovsky
Yandle
Thomas

We picked four of those top-ranked players. Let's see how we do compared to ESPN's "Best of the rest" team, shall we?

The breakdown:

2011-04-12T22:10:00.003-04:00

Here is what the draft results tell us:

Detroit: 7

Philadelphia: 6

Vancouver: 5
Boston: 5

Washington: 4
San Jose: 4

Anaheim: 2
Pittsburgh: 2
Tampa Bay: 2

Chicago: 1
Buffalo: 1
Montreal: 1
Nashville: 1
New York: 1

It seems our poolers have given a ringing endorsement for seeing the Red Wings beating the Flyers in the Stanley Cup Final. We seem to think the Canucks also have a decent shot at the Western Conference, and the Bruins could win the East.

People are hesitantly picking the Capitals and Sharks. Based on their past performances, the numbers are very telling. Is this the year the Sharks finally win it all? Have the Caps learned from last year's upset?

We're giving the Ducks, Lightning, and Penguins an outside chance of going far, and one has to wonder if their past reputation is what really recommends them.

And then there are the five dark horse picks: the Rangers, Blackhawks (the defending champs!), Sabres, Habs, and Preds. These could potentially be a huge picks, or just wasted roster spaces.

The Draft is complete!

2011-04-11T10:35:00.025-04:00

Here are your final rosters.
Notably absent: Sidney Crosby and Evgeni Malkin.
Are we all going to be kicking ourselves in June?

Derek
F D. Sedin (Van)
F Franzen (Det)
F Backstrom (Was)
D Boyle (SJ)
D Wideman (Was)
G Howard (Det)

Bride of Kovalev
F Ovechkin (Was)
G Thomas (Bos)
F Datsyuk (Det)
D Lidstrom (Det)
D Visnovsky (Ana)
F Pavelski (SJ)

Mother of Kovalev
G Fleury (Pit)
F Giroux (Phi)
F Brian Boyle (NYR)
F Laich (Was)
D Seidenberg (Bos)
D Meszaros (Phi)

Hawks Fan
F Marleau (SJ)
F St. Louis (TB)
F Lucic (Bos)
D Keith (Chi)
D Rafalski (Det)
G Miller (Buf)

P-Stone
G Luongo (Van)
F Perry (Ana)
F Stamkos (TB)
D Chara (Bos)
F Carter (Phi)
D Kronwall (Det)

Cousin Kovalev
F Briere (Phi)
F Kesler (Van)
D Ehrhoff (Van)
F Hartnell (Phi)
D Subban (Mon)
G Rinne (Nas)

Father of Kovalev
F H. Sedin (Van)
F Zetterberg (Det)
F Thornton (SJ)
D Letang (Pit)
D Kaberle (Bos)
G Bobrovsky (Phi)

Postponed due to...ahem...circumstances within The Hawks Control

2011-04-10T19:04:00.000-04:00

Thanks to the Chicago Blackhawks, today's draft has been postponed until after the Stars game.
It is 7:00 pm and the second period has just begun in the Stars-Wild game. We'll see if we can begin tonight. Otherwise, we'll have to wait until tomorrow.

Thanks, Hawks!

Draft order unveiled

2011-04-06T11:20:00.000-04:00

Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you, the draft order for the playoff pool!

1. Derek
2. Bride of Kovalev
3. Mother of Kovalev
4. Hawks Fan (a colleague of mine who is this year's guest pooler)
5. P-Stone
6. ME
7. Father of Kovalev

As you all probably know, the draft order goes down, then back up, each round.

Points are: Goal = 2; Assist = 1; Win = 1; Shutout = 2 ADDITIONAL pts.

Injured players still earn points for team wins; suspended players do not.

You pick six players: three forwards, two defensemen, one goalie. In cases where players play both F and D, you decide which position to lock them in for the duration of the playoffs.

No trades.

Additional rules:
I make mistakes. If you think I've made an error, bring it up to me. But do so in a timely fashion. If a score hasn't been disputed within 24 hours, I assume everyone concurs. Still, I typically re-check my math at the end of each round.

In the unlikely event of a tie, the player with the most total goals wins.

Draft begins on Sunday, depending on the playoff implications of the remaining games.

That was fun

2011-04-06T10:39:00.000-04:00

I had lunch riding on last night's game. A colleague of mine is a Blackhawks fan, and we both enjoy talkiing hockey before and after we talk business. So I was watching last night's game, knowing that he was doing the same, and we bothe knew that the otehr was saying "What a great game."

So the Habs clinch, the Hawks get a point, and PK Subban and Carey Price are the best thing since sliced bread.

Now, it's time to start prepping for the playoff pool.

Get excited.

A Spade's A Spade

2011-03-24T21:42:00.000-04:00

Let's call this one like it is:

Montreal sucks.
As a Habs fan on an ostensibly Bruins/Canadiens blog, I admit it.
I am going to beat my Boston friends to the punch and do the honors myself.

The Habs are losers.
With so much emotion after the last Boston-Montreal game, people knew the Habs would be in tough tonight. Too bad the Habs didn't show up.

At all.

When the Habs went on a two-man advantage, and I saw how badly they were playing even then, I said,
"I hope the bruins score."

And they did.

So, with the Habs down 7-0, I say, Jacques Martin has finally GOT to go.
And it is also LONG past time for everyone, including Pierre Gauthier, to admit that Scott Gomez has to be benched.

It's time we look at what kind of value we really got when Bob Gainey blew up the team and got Gomez's salary.

I'm not going to harp on Koivu.
I am going to harp on the fact that right now, Montreal is the worst team in the entire NHL.

And people need to start asking why.

My answer is simple: the coach can't coach, the veterans can't play, and the team has absolutely no leadership.
Pierre Gauthier, I address you personally:
Get rid of Gomez and Martin this summer. Or you may find one less Habs fan who is sick and effing tired of watching his team do absolutely NOTHING on a night when it really, really counted.

Consistency: ur doin it rong

2011-03-23T09:40:00.000-04:00

Wilford Brimley cat does not approve of getting shut out

And so it goes. Habs get shelled 5-1 in the first against the Rangers, go on to crush the Wild 8-1, and then fail to score at all against the Sabres.

As if that wasn't bad enough, the two games in which Montreal shit the bed were against Eastern Conference teams, one of which is in their own division. That whupping they put on Jose Theodore was against a Western Conference team.

At this point, Montreal fans should be questioning just how high to set their expectations come April's playoffs. Presently, those expectations should be pretty darned low. This team is capable of great things. But only once in a while.

The obligatory post

2011-03-10T09:27:00.001-05:00

I'm going to go out on a limb and say that, on first glance, the Chara hit didn't really look that dirty. That was, until I saw this photo:

This photo came from Habsinsideout.com.

What it clearly shows is Chara deliberately pushing Pacioretty's head into the pylon.
Chara deserved to be suspended, not for the hit in question, but for the slash he gave Pacioretty earlier in the game. Chara pole-axed Patches' leg, and could have broken it. That alone deserved a suspension. And yet it wasn't enough for Chara.

For those people who claim Chara is not a dirty player, they need to wake up. Chara his a history of dirty play. During a fight with Raitis Ivanans a few years ago, Chara sucker punched him after the linesmen had stepped in, and consequently broke Ivanans' orbital bone.
That's just one example of Chara's history of late hits, sucker punches, dirty stick work, and overall thuggery.

What happened two nights ago was very similar to the Todd Bertuzzi incident. In that Vancouver-Colorado game, Steve Moore had already fought. But that wasn't enough for Bertuzzi. Some people don't know when to stop, and Bertuzzi was out for blood. He got it when he sucker-punched Moore from behind, and drove his head into the ice, breaking his neck.

Chara got his revenge on Pacioretty for that overtime shove in January several times over. Chara slashed him. Chara punched him. And then, he broke his neck.

The real problem here is the NHL lack of commitment to the players' safety, and the overall absence of any decent officiating. The NHL referees have become something of a joke in reecnt years, with most of the old guard retiring. Those old referees, who knew how to keep order and would take control of a situation that would have otherwise spun out of control, have been replaced by morons who have no feel for the game. Back in February the referees stood by and let a Penguins-Islanders get way out of hand.

And now we come to Tuesday's game, where Chara's slash was un-penalized, and the game got out of control.

And it all comes from the top. The NHL is going to sit idly by, and do nothing about violence in the game until someone DIES.

Let me remind the NHL: Max Pacioretty has a broken neck. He's lucky to be alive. And the NHL is sitting on a ticking time bomb.

As for the hit in question, here's my take: by itself, it was a borderline hit. I'm sure Chara didn't MEAN to injure Patches, but on the other hand, he sure as hell didn't CARE.

What is, "Reckless," Alex.

When you consider everything else leading up to that reckless hit, the picture beocmes a lot clearer: the two have a history. Chara had been targeting him ever since that January overtime winner. And each instance of so-called revenge did not extinguish Chara's thirst for payback. It only made him hungry for yet more escalated violence. And so, that forearm shove had a lot behind it. Only Zdeno Chara knows for sure, and he may not even be able or willing to examine his own motivations and what he was thinking in that exact moment. But he has lost the benefit of the doubt.

Let me state this clearly: this is NOT a call for further violence. There is too much eye-for-an-eye in today's world where nations visit death and destruction upon entire civilian populations. But I am afraid for Zdeno Chara. Being suspended may have been the best thing for him. What I fear now is someone taking "justice" upon himself and deciding to end Chara's career.

Again. This is NOT a call for violence upon the Bruins or Zdeno Chara. But the morons in the NHL needs to recognize that when they abdicate any responsibility, the players will sometimes take it upon themselves, with disastrous consequences. And I'm not holding out any hope that we'll see cooler heads prevail. I have no evidence upon which to make that assumption.

So long, and thanks for all the fish.

2011-03-04T09:19:00.000-05:00

At the tail-end of a disappointing career, Sergei Samsonov did one last favor to the Habs. It was a fitting swan song, a move that he had repeated so many times while wearing the Blue-Blanc-Rouge of the Montreal Canadiens. It's a move that speaks to his mentality, the philosophy of a forward who made it work during his rookie year, and who continued going back to the well long after it had dried up.

Sergei Samsonov loves to stickhandle in the slot. It was the foundation for so many highlight reels when he out-prettied Joe Thornton for the Calder Trophy back in 1998. And when it stopped working after a few magical years, no worries, he kept on doing it. Of course, he had his moments. During the Oilers' Cup run in 2006, it worked spectacularly (once). In Montreal, it never did. Over and over, Samsonov would have the puck on his stick for a sure goal, only to make that one more move that either put himself out of position, or gave the other team enough time to strip him of the puck.

We all know how that movie ended. Montreal unloaded Samsonov on Chicago, after which he toiled in obscurity in North Carolina, where no one goes to see the games of an exciting perennial contender. Last week Sergei packed his bags for Miami, where he has begun the twilight of his disappointing career. He'll play out the remainder of his contract in Florida this season, after which he'll most likely go back to Russia, or play for under a million on the fourth line somewhere like Columbus.

Last night, he pulled the same stunt that bought him a one-way ticket on the Montreal Boo Train. But this time, it worked in Montreal's favor. Halfway through the third period, Samsonov had a chance to bust Carey Price's shutout bid. He stickhandled his way into the slot for a good shot that Price only beat with a better save. A few second later, Samsonov had a goal on his stick. All he had to do was fire a backhand shot over Price's pad. And what did he do? He stickhandled his way over to the post, where Price was waiting for the weak, harmless shot that followed.

So thank you, Sergei. We got to see that magical, useless stickhandling one last time. And Habs fans thank you for helping Carey Price earn his seventh shutout of the season. It was a fitting farewell, Sergei, and we salute you for it.

AMEN

2011-03-03T08:39:00.000-05:00

The Montreal Gazette said it best, so here it is:

http://www.montrealgazette.com/sports/keeping+Thrashers+Atlanta/4376113/story.html

To sum up, the Gazette is asking why the hell the NHL insists on keeping a team in Atlanta. They go on to ask the same question about the Islanders and Coyotes.

In simpler language, "Gary Bettman has as much sense as God gave a spatula."

Snore

2011-03-01T14:20:00.000-05:00

Is anyone who hasn't been living under a rock for the past 18 years surprised at the Canadiens' inactivity at the trade deadline? Did people REALLY expect they'd make a deal for Penner? Do these analysts know anything about the Habs?

That aside, who cares? The trade deadline has become a joke. If people want truly earth-shattering deals, they should lobby the NHL to move the deadline back to late March. THEN we'd see some blockbusters. Dallas doesn't want to trade Brad Richards because it's too early to tell if they'll make the playoffs or not.

Don't like the lack of deals? Blame the Salary Cap, which has made everyone more competitive, and made it harder to move players. Look at the Western Conference for Pete's sake. Eight little points separate the 4th-place from the 12th-place teams.

This is the era of teams tinkering with their lineups, hampered by the salary cap and playoff uncertainty.

So, whatever. We'll always have Free Agency.

Wha happen?

2011-02-23T08:54:00.000-05:00

Ok, so let's see:

Habs lose to the Islanders. They lose to the Oilers. They lose the Heritage Classic, barely bothering to play at all in one of the most over-hyped games of the year.

And then...

They beat the best team in the Western Conference.

Huh?

I posted an article a few weeks ago about tradition in Montreal. Here's another tradition: The Canadiens play down to the worst teams in the league, and play up to the level of the best ones. And that's not a compliment. It's baffling.

So the immediate result is the Habs stay at sixth in the East. What it means for the long term, I give up. This team defies all classification: a defensive-minded coach who can't coach defense, a speedy team built for offense spinning its wheels in that useless defensive system, a team plagued with injuries and yet still chugging along, a team whose veterans are providing ZERO leadership and whose rookies are leading the way...it's a mystery. Predicting what this team will do in the next five games is hard enough, to say nothing of the playoffs (should they even get there, which is anyone's guess).

So I throw up my hands. This last week I've been threatening to become a fan of the as-of-yet uncertain Quebec Nordiques. But after last night, I'm cheering, "Go Habs Go, I Guess."

A (belated) Christmas Carol

2011-02-15T10:30:00.002-05:00

"A person is smart. People are dumb"

I am quoting Men in Black because it seems an appropriate way to introduce my dealings with Don Cherry.

How many of us have been less-than-courteous to anonymous people, especially when driving? We don't know the person in the next car--he's anonymous. We can attribute the worst traits of the human race to him without having those preconceptions challenged. Try getting into a conversation with him, and the picture changes.

I had a very interesting Christmas. Two months ago, I received this:

And this:

Please Note: I used photoshop to blur my name. The physical originals are very much intact and unedited.

My mom sent him a letter saying that I was a big fan, and when I was in college I had gotten my two roommates into hockey, and had always enjoyed watching his segment. And that's all true. While in recent years I've been dismayed by some of his opinions (especially when it comes to PK Subban), I still watch Coach's Corner religiously, and agree wholeheartedly with what he has to say about Gary Bettman.

I watched Hockey Day in Canada this past weekend, and saw Don sign a kid's poster as he made his way to center ice. During a break they ran a segment of him going to a kid's house, giving him gifts, and then signing his wall. Let's be clear about this: Don is aware of his celebrity status, and knows that his autograph goes a long way towards making someone's day a whole lot brighter.

Michael Vick just spent the weekend in Atlanta where he was signing autographs for $100 each.

One Hundred Dollars.

Meanwhile, Don got a a letter from some lady in Pennsylvania asking for an autograph for her post-college-age son. And he sent three personalized messages. (And his little dog too!)

So I want to say: Thank you, Don. You had no idea who I was, except that I was an anonymous adult who lives in the US. And you made the effort to give me something you had no obligation to give.

I got to know a lot about the kind of person Don Cherry is this Christmas. So, while the Christmas season may be over, it's always a good time to reflect on the lessons we learn from it.

As Fred Hollywell put it,

"I’ve always thought of Christmastime as a good time, a kindly, forgiving, charitable time; a time when men and women seem, by one consent, to open their shut-up hearts freely to their fellow creatures."

Once again, Thank you Don. From now on, I intend to be more charitable too.

Dear Tronna Media,

2011-02-12T21:27:00.001-05:00

I don't care how many times you jerked off to the "Beantown Beat-down", as you guys at the CBC and TSN are calling it.

When it comes to comparing your beloved Maple Leafs to the Habs, here are the facts:

Our goalie is better.
Our Defense is better (and that's REALLY saying something about how shitty yours is)
Our forwards are better.
PK Subban took Joffrey Lupul's lunch money, took his girlfriend, and told him his momma was ugly.
Our depth is better.
Our chances of making the playoffs...well, shit, they actually exist. Leafs? Try as much chance as Lloyd Christmas has of banging Mary Swanson.

So, whether Montreal is better than Boston is up for debate. Whether they are light years ahead of the perennially delusional Leafs, well, that's not up for debate.

Leafs suck. Their media had best get hip to that fact.

Oh and Patches laughs at your Luke Schenn. Laughs from his mountain.

Jacques Martin: the new enigma

2011-02-11T09:50:00.000-05:00

Jacques Martin likes to think he's a defensive coach. He tries to make his team play a defensive system. He talks a lot about the importance of defense. There's just one problem: the Montreal Canadiens suck at defense.

It seems the Habs play excellent hockey only when they're down a goal or two. As we saw last night, The Canadiens are absolutely terrible when it comes to defending a lead, even against the lowly New York Islanders. What we saw last night should not be tolerated by ANY coach, much less one who preaches defensive responsibility as much as Martin does.
But we've seen this all season long.
So what's the problem?
Martin is just as enigmatic and puzzling as Alexei Kovalev was on his worst nights.
One of two things is happening during Canadiens practices: either the team is or isn't working on defense. Whatever the case may be, this much is obvious:

Jacques Martin can't coach worth a damn.

Whatever he's doing, it's obviously not working. And there's only so much time before we have to collectively say, we've given him enough time to teach the team how to play. If he hasn't accomplished it by now, it's not going to happen.

I don't care if his team has a lot of injuries. I don't care if his players are unwilling to learn.
Something has to change. Either Martin has to start teaching them how to be responsible in their own end, or he has to adjust his system to suit the players he has. If he's unable to do either of those things, then why does he still have a job? If he's unable to make his players care, then we need someone who can.

Habs management is not innocent in this. We can only watch Roman Hamrlik coast by opposing players who are camped out by the net so many times before we ask why he has a job. If veterans like Hamrlik and Scott Gomez can't be bothered to learn how to play responsibly, then it's time to send them down to the minors and call up some younger players who may be able to learn.

But that brings us back to Martin again. What guarantees do we have that Martin will do even a remotely satisfactory job in teaching a youngster how to play defensively?

A lot has been written and said about Pierre Gauthier and his first full year as General Manager of the Canadiens. I will reserve judgement, because Bob Gainey's legacy is still too much a factor to judge Gauthier objectively. Two of Gainey's biggest mistakes, Scott Gomez and Jacques Martin, were not Gauthier's doing, and therefore not his fault. The problem is, Gauthier has to work with the team he inherited, and it's hard to operate under the weight of such two massive albatrosses.

And Martin is indeed an albatross. Watching the Canadiens play this week was like watching pee-wee hockey. But Martin is not pee-wee coach. He has made a career of stressing defense. But it sure as hell doesn't show.

I'll make a final proposal: trade Jacques Martin for Alexei Kovalev. The Senators can have back the coach who never got them to the Cup final (someone else managed that feat with the perennially-favored Sens), and the Habs can have back the enigmatic winger who frustrated everyone.

Hell, at least when Kovy was good, he was awesome. Jacques Martin really isn't that good a defensive coach even on his best days.

That was...interesting

2011-02-10T11:20:00.000-05:00

I had band practice last night, so I got to miss the game as it happened. Lucky for me that instead of hearing Jack Edwards foaming at the mouth trying to be a boxing announcer (which he sucks at), I was instead playing some good old bluegrass. (Yeah, I'm a hick. Get over it.)

I'm sure Jack Edwards scored the Price-Thomas affair as a solid win for Timmy, and that he firmly thinks David Krejci and Andrew Ference did NOT get their respective asses handed to them.

Sure, Hamr, Spacek, and Pyatt were outmatched, but that happens in games like this where everyone fights.

On the positive, Montreal is standing up for themselves against the likes of Chara, Thornton, and Lucic. I'll gladly take Boston's only win so far against Montreal this season (out of four so far) and a split decision on the fight card, than a Habs win and seeing them get pummeled in every fight, like in years past.

On the negative, Montreal squandered an opportunity to tie Boston in the standings, and the defense was NOWHERE to be seen. Gomez was at his usual tricks, playing soft on any Bruin that came near him, and the rest of the forwards followed suit with a pathetic display of defensive responsibility.

The highlights, such as they were, were entertaining, and it was good to see some beat-downs come from Montreal players. We'll file this one away as a wild one, and get back to the business of playing the low-scoring, Jacques Martin "system" tonight against those lovable, laughable Islanders. (But seriously, Habs: you guys fuck this up tonight, I will find you, and as #31 says, I will cut you.)

Ah well. Enjoy this one Jack Edwards...Every game you call sounds exactly the same. Last night, the play on the ice actually mirrored the crazy shit you've been saying all these years. I'mma let you have this moment.

Moment's over. STFU.

Why bother?

2011-02-07T09:59:00.000-05:00

For you people in charge of making the NHL schedule each year, I have this suggestion:

Don't schedule any games between the Montreal Canadiens and the New Jersey Devils.

Have the Canadiens play 78 games, and start the season with a 0-4-0 record. That way they don't have to waste the time, money, and material in playing four games that are automatic losses anyway. I hesitate to use the word "play," as the Canadiens don't really ever do anything that resembles playing hockey when they're up against the Devils. The only thing in question during Devils-Habs games is whether Montreal will have another player injured--and we can skip that, thank you very much.

On the reverse, New Jersey can start the season 4-0-0 and also play only 78 games. See? Everyone wins.

If The Habs management* doesn't like the idea of losing two home games worth of tickets and revenue, then imagine how we fans feel, and STOP FUCKING LOSING TO THE DEVILS!

* Devils management won't notice a loss in revenue on their side, since no one goes to Devils games anyway.

A little perspective

2011-02-04T15:45:00.001-05:00

For all my bitching about the Canadiens management, it could be worse. A lot worse. Hell, we could be Islanders fans.

We'd have to deal with this.

By the way, ESPN's demise has come much sooner than I expected if that's the kind of voice talent they're employing these days.

Let's talk tradition

2011-02-01T12:09:00.001-05:00

"Most storied franchise." That phrase has been bandied about so much, it's a wonder there isn't a drinking game concerning it. Lately, here is what the storyline involves:

"Have a nice trip, see you next fall." Montreal has developed a tradition of going on a horrible, losing road trip at the end of December, when the circus comes to town. Really? Is this the Roanoke Valley Rebels that the team has to pack up and leave while a bunch of elephants and cotton-candy-faced little children run screaming through the arena? Who's in charge here? This is the Montreal Canadiens. It's time to man up and tell the circus they'll have to reschedule. The Bell Centre should be on the Habs' schedule, not vice-versa. The circus's annual visit does not help the team, and this particular annual tradition must stop. Now.
"You gotta fight for your right to play in April." We can count on seeing Montreal in a fight for a playoff spot around this time of the year. That has a lot to do with the aforementioned losing streak and how the team has to spend the rest of the season pulling itself out of the hole. But whatever the cause, it's become a predictable sight: Montreal hovers around 8th place right until the last day of the regular season. My family and I always get in an argument over Thanksgiving dinner--that doesn't mean it's a tradition worth holding onto, and neither is this one.
D-fence! Lately, Montreal coaches have been all about against-type casting. Here we have this great team built for speed and attack, and yet the players are asked to play like the New Jersey Devils. And they're no damn good at it.
"Addition by subtraction." Remember the drinking game I mentioned? Here's another key phrase that should put lots of folks in the hospital for alcohol poisoning. While the Mike Ribeiro-Janne Niinimaa trade was the best example, we've seen too many trades go one way, ostensibly to dump salary. And while the jury's still out on Lars Eller, all signs point to the fact that we should have gotten a lot more for Jaro Halak. (Note: I will categorically state that trading Halak was the right move. However, trading him for a used puck bag was NOT the right move.)
"O Captain! Bye, Captain." Carbonneau. Muller. Damphousse. Koivu. Whatever did these poor souls do to piss off management that they were handed their hats and shown the door long before it was time?
Of course, there are other traditions the Habs have been following for quite a few years, such as (almost) always beating the Bruins in the playoffs, and ALWAYS losing in catastrophic, ignominious fashion to the Flyers in those same playoffs. Part of that Flyers tradition is making mediocre Philly goalies look like all-galaxy superstars.

Here's to another decade of long-standing tradition in one of the most storied franchises in all of sports.
When do 5-1 wins become part of the tradition?

Fail Star

2011-01-28T09:15:00.001-05:00

As we approach some sort of arbitrary break in the NHL season, I feel obligated to say this:

Congratulations to the NHL. You have finally succeeded in making me not care about the All Star game. Sure, you had some wacky ideas in the past, and while most of my hockey-watching friends shrugged off your bacchanalia of superlatives, weird uniforms, and bad hockey, I stood by you. You gave me a reason to watch: we got to vote on who was participating, and the process was straightforward. Also, no matter who you cheered for, you got to see at least someone from your team play, giving you someone to root for in an otherwise meaningless game.

This year, it was too much. Captains are choosing the teams, so what does my vote matter? And just what are the criteria for deciding who plays in the game or in the skills competition? I just don't get it.
You've complicated something that doesn't need complicating, and this has been the last straw. I won't be watching the skills competition, and I won't be watching the game.

Perhaps I could have seen this coming with your ill-advised decision to institute a questionably-manned judges panel last year.

In any case, have fun with your extravaganza. Here are some predictions:

The musical guest will suck.
The play will be terrible, and goalies will get lit up even worse than a Habs goalie on a Western Conference road swing.
The announcers will try to make a big deal out of some minor on-ice disagreements two players have had in the past.
The skills competition will be a letdown.
People will talk about what great fans the host city has. (Note: The Hurricanes, despite being a recent Cup winner and still having an exciting team, cannot sell out their games.)
There will be no fights.

Yawn. When do the Habs play again?

He shoot, he score!

2011-01-21T12:49:00.002-05:00

Today we'll be taking a look at NHL Slapshot for Wii. For those of us whose only console is a Wii, our options are pretty limited when it comes to hockey games. Last year, 2K sports' NHL 2K10 was a real disappointment. Some reviewers praised it, but the game was unresponsive and frustrating.
On other consoles, the basic joy of lacing 'em up and playing a game of hockey was gone in favor of a rigorously complex set of maneuvers that kept players up at night studying control layouts.

Enter NHL Slapshot. EA has finally given Wii owners a hockey game. The results, though mixed, are very encouraging.

To start off with, the game is fun. This is not the sort of in-depth, use the shift button to make a saucer pass, hold down x and y while tapping z to make a triple-deke kind of hockey experience. NHL Slapshot is much simpler and free-flowing than any hockey video game in recent memory. The basic controls are: press A to pass; use the thumbstick to move, aim your pass, or aim your shot; swing the remote to shoot; and shove the remote outward to check. Hitting, passing, skating, shooting, scoring. Isn't that what hockey is at its heart?

Don't be put off by the cheap plastic stick that comes in the box: it flat-out works. It's actually so natural, you'll feel weird playing without it. Shooting is just as easy as flicking the stick. This is a hockey video game, so one-timers are essential. If you're worried about any lag between a quick pass and taking a shot, don't be: the motion-controlled remote still handles these as well as any game ever made. Passing is much more fluid than 2K's offerings was. In their recent games, you had to wait while your player took a hit or slowly got used to the fact that he had just received a pass before he could do anything with the puck. In NHL Slapshot, touch passes are easy to pull off. Experienced gamers will be able to pass all over the ice like the Soviets.

What makes the game so much fun is its simplicity. You don't have to know the right button combination to pull off a saucer pass, and what's more, that kind of knowledge isn't obligatory if you want to survive on anything but the lowest difficulty level. So often, developers have tried to include all the advanced crap that makes playing in the NHL so damn difficult. What they succeed in doing is making a video game that requires almost as much memorization and study as a Jane's military flight sim. And what's more, all that advanced crap actually makes the game LESS realistic. (Oddly enough, in NHL Slapshot, shot-blocking is incredibly realistic.)

The controls on NHL Slapshot can get more complex if you want. There are speed bursts, poke checks, hooks, shot-blocking, and deking. You can go to a team's page and select what kind of strategies they use for offense and defense, and even select different formations for each forward line. That's standard fare in most hockey video games, but it bears mentioning here, since on the surface it's an extremely simple game. But for those who want more depth, it's there.

There are problems with the game. The poke check function has a very low probability of success, while the control for lifting the stick is fundamentally broken. What you're left with is having to shove the remote out like you're cross-checking in order to make a body check, and you'll likely find yourself out of position when you do it.

Some things you won't find in the game are: fighting, any unlockables (unless tiny icons of your trophies count), sliders to adjust the gameplay, franchise mode, or intelligent teammates.
The exclusion of fighting is something that makes sense, given the casual/young gamers EA is targeting. The only hidden gem you'll find is that Wayne Gretzky himself is on the Free Agent list. So if you're an Oilers fan pining for the Great One, or maybe a Leafs fan who always thought Wayne would have looked good in blue and white, he's there for the taking. There are no unlockable teams, players, cards, or any other goodies. What you see is what you get.

Speaking of what you see: the animations are a mixed bag. The in-game animations are some of the best interpretations of skating mechanics yet seen, while the cut-scenes of players faces are ridiculously generic. You'll have a hard time seeing any resemblance to any player.

Some gamers will find the game incredibly easy on anything but the toughest difficulty level (there are four settings). At that highest level, you may wish you a slider to make your poke checks a little more effective, or make the other team's player less likely to simply shrug off five thundering body checks as he plows his way to the net. Where this game is truly the most fun is when you're playing against other people.

The most depth you'll find is in the Pee-wee to Pro mode, where you take your little player all the way through Peewees, Bantams, Juniors, to the pros. You can hold out for your favorite junior and NHL teams, or take your chances in the draft. The mode is quite a lot of fun, but has some real problems. If you're a forward, get used to waiting at the blue line as your defensemen try to carry the puck end-to-end. It's extremely frustrating to get in perfect position for an odd-man rush, only to see your selfish teammate hog the puck giving the other team time to backcheck, and forcing you to either go offsides or be completely behind the play. Raising the difficulty level doesn't make your defensemen any more willing to pass, only more likely to be stripped of the puck at center ice.
Every goal, either for or against, occurs while you're on the ice in Pee-wee to Pro, so you'll be master of your team's destiny, even though you control no players except your own skater.

At its heart, NHL Slapshot is a lot of fun, with basic, intuitive controls that work amazingly well. There is some depth for folks looking for a more immersive experience, but not much. EA sports is really on to something here. They have created a satisfying experience that comes closer to really playing hockey than anything we've seen. There could be more depth to the game, but EA chose to concentrate on doing a few things well, rather than throw in a bunch of semi-functional garbage.

What EA did well:
Simple controls
Effective controls
Beautiful skating animations
Gary Thorne and Bill Clement!

On my wish list for next year's iteration:
Less selfish teammates
Franchise mode
Unlockable teams/players
Better face animations
Sliders to adjust game play

Final Score: 7.9

Hold on to your butts...

2011-01-18T10:14:00.001-05:00

That is what I said after the Habs went up 3-0 last night against the Flames. When they went up 4-0, I went online and found this clip:

That was in preparation of today's blog post. Because I KNEW the Habs would sit back and play their putrid brand of defense. To no one's surprise, the Flames scored two second-period goals, one coming at the tail-end of the period, when the Habs went into one of their patented end-of-period comas.

That was no surprise. What was surprising was just how badly the Habs started the third period. Passes went right to Flames sticks, breakouts were horrendous (if what we saw could even be called breakouts), and to a man, the Habs played worse than any beer-league team I've ever seen.

And then something happened: when the Flames tied it up, The Habs started passing. They started shooting. They broke out well. They played professional-quality hockey.

Last night was the perfect exhibition of what is right and wrong with the Montreal Canadiens. When they need to score, they play well. When they think they have a lead, they play some of the worst hockey you'll ever see in your life. And yet we see this all the time: against the Rangers on Saturday, they completely dominated, until they had a two-goal lead. Then they sat back and almost threw it all away.
Back in late December, Montreal was demolishing the Hurricanes, only to hang on for dear life as they let Carolina come at them at the end of the 3rd period.

So what needs to be done? Jacques Martin MUST stop pulling the reins when Montreal has a lead. It may be counter-intuitive, but defending a lead simply doesn't work for this team. Martin needs to subscribe to the theory that the best defense is a good offense. This is a team built on speed, transition, and scoring. This team is NOT the circa 2000 New Jersey Devils.

So, on behalf of all Montreal Canadiens fan, I say:

Mr. Martin,

PUH-LEEZE STOP trying to sit back on leads. You are no damn good at it. Either start pressing your advantage, or start actually practicing defending leads. We're sick of what we're seeing, and it must stop. Our hearts can't take much more of this.

Sincerely,
All of us

Mother Russia

2011-01-06T15:35:00.000-05:00

So imagine you're watching a hockey game, and after two periods, you're dead asleep and decide that the game is all but finished, and decide to hit the hay.

Imagine you wake up the next morning and turn on the hockey highlights at 7 am. Imagine your increasing surprise when you see the heretofore down and out team score one, two, three, four five goals in the third period, completing a shocking comeback.

Canada had their foot on the snake, and they let up. It was an amazing collapse, and an amazing comeback for the Russians. Canada should have known Russia's penchant for dazzling third-period surges. It seems unimaginable, having seen team Canada play like pros against the Americans and for the first two periods against Russia.

So, we come to it: Canada may have gotten revenge against the US for last year, but cannot claim themselves the undisputed best in the world. Once again, they come home second best in "their" sport.

It was a shocking defeat. Imagine if the US had lost the gold-medal game to Finland in 1980. As Herb Brooks said to his team during that match, "You'll take it to your graves." I am not going to be so melodramatic as to suggest that these young men will have a lifetime of remorse. Unlike the 1980 US team, most of them have a lot of hockey left to play, with most of them destined for the NHL. But their jubilation at having so soundly beaten the USA has taken a very bitter turn today.

It's interesting for this US citizen who is so proud of his Russian heritage. I am very happy that Russia won. But I can't help feel bad for the Canadian boys who were doing so well, and had such high hopes. Losing gold at the WJC would not have hurt nearly as bad for any other team (save Finland losing against Sweden). Perhaps no other country puts so much of its national pride on the line for one sport as the Canadians do.

What I'm suggesting is, perhaps it's time to stop setting yourself up for disappointment. Canada puts some of the best players in the world on the ice. The best hockey player in the world at this moment is a Canadian. But the gap is extremely narrow, and the US, Sweden, Russia, and Finland all can claim a very large piece of the hockey pie. The Czechs and Slovakians can also lay claim to some significant portions as well. If any of those countries lose, it hurts. It sucks. But it's not the end of the world. For Canada, that seems to be the case.

Canada is indeed one of the best hockey countries in the world. If you want to keep claiming it as "your" sport, go ahead. Just be prepared to see other people from other countries playing your game better than you can sometimes.

O Canada

2011-01-05T10:34:00.000-05:00

Well, that was interesting. After some lackluster performances, Team Canada looked like NHLers against our Boys in Blue. They took the body, stifled the US offense, and made the Americans pay for every mistake they made.

So, hats off to the Canadians. They came in with the goal of avenging last year's lost, and they made their point.

Winter Classic

2011-01-03T14:40:00.000-05:00

So here are some thoughts from the NHL's annual (and only) celebration of its roots.

Dear NBC: You suck. Seriously, just show us the game as it's happening, without those stupid aerial views in which we can see NOTHING. And those views from above center ice, like we're playing NHL 94 or something? Useless, and disorienting. Just stop trying to be all cutesy with your camera views, and show us the view from the red line seats. And come to think of it, this applies to all you idiot broadcasters who think that some view from behind the net or other wacky view is somehow more desirable than just zooming in when the puck's in an offensive zone, and zooming out when it's in the neutral zone. There's nothing to it. Keep it simple, and I promise, no one gets hurt.

Sidney Crosby. Without question, the best hockey player in the world, at this point in time. But still also one of the bitchiest, cheapest assholes in the league as well. Gotta love when Pierre McGuire describes the Washington bench as being "apoplectic" when Crosby cheap-shotted an opponent. No worries, though. He got some of his own at the end of the second period. Someone remind me to buy David Steckel a beer. And Sidney, there will be no payback on a later date as you claim. That WAS the payback.

This was a good example of how NOT to play defense in the NHL. Washington came out on top for having a slightly less-crappy defense than Pittsburgh.

So what do you make of that non-goal of Ovechkin? I can agree that he had no intent to interfere with, and did a good job of holding up, Marc-Andre Fleury. But then again, I don't think Fleury was able to get into position in time for Ovy's shot. But then again, do we really have to coddle the goalies like that?

Pat LaFontaine's backyard is AWESOME. Want.

Am I the only one who was reminded of the end of "Youngblood" by the end of that game? It could be because I had recently watched it, but I could almost hear someone saying "Let's go, pretty boy" at that last faceoff.

I'd love to see an Edmonton-Calgary matchup some time for this game, but that's not likely to happen until two things happen: 1) Gary Bettman dies or resigns, 2)they both get competitive.

In all, a good game, but I've had it with the superlatives coming from the announcer gushing about how pure the game is outside, blah blah blah, and those wacky camera angles that alienate both normal viewers and newcomers.

Happy Decemberween

2010-12-29T13:31:00.000-05:00

So I was off in Pennsylvania with my parents, with no internet access, and thus, no updates on the blog, for the Christmas break. Not that there's much to say, since the Habs have apparently not been playing a whole lot of hockey. (At least, nothing worth talking about).

I promise updates are coming, including a review of "NHL Slapshot" for Wii, and something nice to say about Don Cherry's Christmas gift for me. No, seriously!

Happy New Year. I'll be spending it with an old friend who happens to be a Sabres fan.

Good Picard: 1, Evil Picard: 2

2010-12-20T10:24:00.000-05:00

So the Good Picard put one in the Avalanche net, but Evil Picard showed up from the Alternate Universe and totally fucked the Habs over. I'm surprised he didn't have a goatee.

Question for Jacques: Just why is Alexandre Picard playing with PK Subban? You have two rookie defensemen, one with a penchant for pushing up ice, the other with a knack for just being out of position. Why not split them up and have them play with complementary players, rather than enhancing each other's mistakes?

In all, the game was a good one, but why, oh why, isn't Shea Weber playing instead of Picard? Why isn't Subban paired with Hamr or Gorges?

Of course, Martin will probably blame Subban for Picard's bone-headed positioning mistakes. To that I say, coach, when you point the finger, you have several pointing right back at you.

Bruins-Habs recap

2010-12-18T14:22:00.001-05:00

Well, another Bruins game has come and gone, and it's time to break it down.

First of all, let's address Mr. Mark Recchi:

Dear Mark: STFU. It's bad form to yap, complain, and run your mouth at 90 mph, and then flap your hands in a mock gesture of 'yapping' at the other team's bench. Um, Mark, meet the kettle. You're the retarded pot.

What has the NHL come to? Since when is a solid, devastating, and perfectly legal hit a cause for calling the other team a bunch of dirty players? Just what IS wrong with Mark Recchi? And just what is Boston Herald hockey writer Stephen Harris smoking? "The Canadiens are a despicable and dirty little hockey team that loves to dish out nasty cheap shots, often from behind, often after the whistle -and shows not the slightest willingness to back up the stickwork by dropping the gloves."

He must have missed Michael Cammalleri's split-decision with David Krejci.
He also must have missed Milan Lucic's strange absence from all the complaining. Let's agree on one thing: If things are getting dirty or out of hand, Lucic is one of the first on the scene to make the other team accountable. Lucic played well, but wasn't losing his head like his suddenly-insane teammates.

In hockey, if you get hit clean and hard, you get up, keep your mouth shut, and try to do better next time. That's what Brad Marchand did. Krejci, Recchi, and Harris need to take note.

Cammalleri's fight with Krejci was an example of how hockey fights can still be exciting and spontaneous. I'll take one of those honest, non-scheduled fights over Domi-Probert any day. (Well, then again, those were some AMAZING fights.) That was a fight that Bruins AND Habs fans could agree was a good one.

Interesting seeing two Vezina front-runners both giving up some weak goals, and also making some amazing saves.

Did anything else happen? I must have missed it.

Good game, but please Bruins, keep your mouths shut. The Flyers give you plenty to complain about already. Stick to complaining about teams that really are dirty.

What would you do?

2010-12-12T09:02:00.000-05:00

If you were in Jacques Martin's position, what would you do?

Who would you start for a non-conference, first-of-two-in-a-row, non-rivalry game?

Who would you start for the intra-divisional, Saturday night, rivalry game?

Would you perhaps throw out the backup goalie for that throwaway Friday night game? Would you perhaps put your franchise goalie in for Hockey Night in Canada, against a Leafs team that always steps up their game against the Habs?

In the end, you have to ask, "Which game is more important?"

It's just a question, and hindsight is 20-20, but I asked these questions before 7 pm on Friday night, and came to a much different conclusion than Jacques Martin apparently did.

A Tale of Two Shitties

2010-12-01T19:49:00.000-05:00

Let's look closer at the Habs' season so far. Carey Price has been going great guns, and so has Kostitsyn and Plekanec. But as soon as someone like Mike Cammalleri gets put on a line with Scott Gomez, his numbers go south like a duck in winter. And as soon as someone like Brian Gionta gets moved away from Gomez, he benefits from having decent line mates like Pleks and Big Tits.

Scott Gomez is the reason the Habs are not as good as they could be. Yes, there are two Czech defensemen who are largely to blame for Montreal's shallow defense, but let's look at offense, as well as why the Habs can't afford decent players.

Let's cast our sights through the vaulted aisles of memory, to the signing of Sergei Samsonov. Montreal signed him to a $7.05 million contract in the summer of 2006. He was supposed to provide offense and flash to the Montreal offense. What he brought instead was a chorus of boos from Montreal fans.

In 63 games in Montreal, Samsonov scored nine goals and 17 assists. Remember, he was being paid roughly 3.525 million for that season of 26 points.
Now let's look at Scott Gomez's number from last year: he played 78 games, with a total 12 goals and 47 assists (59 points). Most damningly, Gomez was meagre +1 Gomez was supposed to bring the sort of defensive responsibility that Samsonov lacked, but was basically even for the year. For that offensive explosion, Gomez was paid eight million dollars.

So let's look at ratios: Samsonov got paid $135,577 per point in what was objectively a terrible season.
Scott Gomez got paid 135,593 per point last year.

The numbers are nearly identical.

Scott Gomez is just as big a disappointment as Samsonov was. What's worse, he eats up more cap space, making it harder to find actually GOOD players to counteract his crappy offensive production, or to prevent pucks from getting shot at Carey Price.

When we look at Gomez's offensive output this season, the picture gets even worse.
In the past minute, I watched Scott Gomez score a goal against the Edmonton Oilers. That is his third goal of the season. He has five assists. We're at the quarter-pole for the season, so that puts Gomez on track for a 32-point season.
Folks, that means Scott Gomez is getting paid 250,000 per point this season.

Brian Gionta is on track to earn $83,333 per point. Tomas Plekanec, coming off a contract year (typically the post-contract hangover is severe) is on pace to earn $54,347 per point.

My point, my dear readers, is that Scott Gomez is an ape. We would be better served by having a monkey paid a million bucks a year to do nothing but fling poopy at the opposing team's bus as it pulls into the Bell Centre.

Gomez is a tool. A douchebag. An overrated, washed-up, waste of breathing air.
Until he is gone from this team, or starts pulling one-tenth of his own weight, this team will suffer as a result of having him around.

He makes everyone around him worse, and his very presence ensures that Montreal cannot be as good as it could be.