Dunder Mifflin Co. Internal Memo
To: Jacques Martin
From: Everyone
Date: 11/29/09
Re: Common Sense vis-a-vis Tomas Plekanec
Mr Martin,
Please cease and desist from any further use of Tomas Plekanec in the shootout. His stats are awful in the shootout, as he has like one goal in 17 chances or something like that. Any further shootout appearances by Plekanec, regardless of his in-game performance, will not be tolerated.
***
Monday, November 30, 2009
Monday, November 23, 2009
Sunday, November 22, 2009
Georges Laraque
You're dead to me, Georges. Bob Gainey brought you in to add some intimidation to our roster. What you did was chat nicely and invite Milan Lucic to fight, graciously allowing him to beg off and pound your teammates instead. You mouthed off, you didn't fight, you didn't intimidate. Then last night, you nearly cost your team a game. I was honestly surprised to see you play another shift (aside: WTF, Jacques Martin?!?).
Let me clear up any misconceptions some of you out there have. When you are going for a hit, sometimes you will instinctively stick out a leg or something when your opponent dodges your check. That's normal, but you have to control that instinct. Sometimes it happens so instantaneiously there is no time to react, and the leg goes out. Otehr times, the guy has dodged you early and you stikc that leg out in a conscious effort to get some body contact, even though you know it's wrong. Just as goalies have to consciously not duck their heads when a 98-mph slap shot head their way, players have to think. And Laraque had plenty of time to decide NOT to stick that leg out. He knew better, yet he did it anyways. And he betetr as hell have played his last game in a Montreal uniform. What SHOULD have happened was for Georges to get four for the high stick, and five and game for the knee.
The referees made up for their lax call by giving penalties to Mara, Moen, and O'Byrne. So that evens out, but doesn't excuse teh refs for A) bad penalty calling, and B) even-up calls, which are BULLSHIT.
In any case, you're dead to me Georges. I just wanted to let you know why.
Let me clear up any misconceptions some of you out there have. When you are going for a hit, sometimes you will instinctively stick out a leg or something when your opponent dodges your check. That's normal, but you have to control that instinct. Sometimes it happens so instantaneiously there is no time to react, and the leg goes out. Otehr times, the guy has dodged you early and you stikc that leg out in a conscious effort to get some body contact, even though you know it's wrong. Just as goalies have to consciously not duck their heads when a 98-mph slap shot head their way, players have to think. And Laraque had plenty of time to decide NOT to stick that leg out. He knew better, yet he did it anyways. And he betetr as hell have played his last game in a Montreal uniform. What SHOULD have happened was for Georges to get four for the high stick, and five and game for the knee.
The referees made up for their lax call by giving penalties to Mara, Moen, and O'Byrne. So that evens out, but doesn't excuse teh refs for A) bad penalty calling, and B) even-up calls, which are BULLSHIT.
In any case, you're dead to me Georges. I just wanted to let you know why.
Washington report
So, I was at Friday night's game in D.C. Here's my report.
Sat up in the nosebleeds, still a pretty good view, though most of the goals were scored at the opposite end of the ice from where we were sitting, though we did get a great view of Cammalleri's powerplay goal in the third.
I wore my KOIVU #11 jersey as an homage to our dearly departed captain. Bought a Capitals hat, and confused a lots of folks.
Bride of Kovalev wore my Moscow Dynamo Ovechkin jersey. P-Stone has called it "the best-looking jersey ever."
Despite my love for Ovy, I have to say I'm glad he didn't do any highlight-worthy stuff that night. Actually, in the three games I've seen him play, he did not factor into the scoring at all. Hmmm. I'm willing to entertain offers from other teams who want to keep him from scoring...
Actually, I was not expecting that outcome at all. It was one of the most exciting hockey games I've been to, but seriously, Habs, can you guys cut the heart-attack crap?
Caps fans were pretty friendly, but still, not nearly as knowledgable as the fans up north. Work on this, Caps fans.
Observation: The Caps have done a good job tapping into Ovechkin's marketability. That said, the Caps, even if they had the same record, would not be selling nearly as many tickets as they do without Ovechkin.
Habs did not play all that well Friday night, but they played well enough to win against a good team having an off night. The beginning of the second period was brutal. We got to see plenty of THAT, and it was not fun to watch. At all.
Fun game, lots of Habs fans there, as usual in any city. Saw a woman wearing a Nordiques jersey; told her that was a sweater I could definitely NOT get behind.
Habs players represented by fans: Cammalleri, Koivu, Kovalev!, Roy, Huet, Theodore, Price (LOTS of people wearing that one).
Sat up in the nosebleeds, still a pretty good view, though most of the goals were scored at the opposite end of the ice from where we were sitting, though we did get a great view of Cammalleri's powerplay goal in the third.
I wore my KOIVU #11 jersey as an homage to our dearly departed captain. Bought a Capitals hat, and confused a lots of folks.
Bride of Kovalev wore my Moscow Dynamo Ovechkin jersey. P-Stone has called it "the best-looking jersey ever."
Despite my love for Ovy, I have to say I'm glad he didn't do any highlight-worthy stuff that night. Actually, in the three games I've seen him play, he did not factor into the scoring at all. Hmmm. I'm willing to entertain offers from other teams who want to keep him from scoring...
Actually, I was not expecting that outcome at all. It was one of the most exciting hockey games I've been to, but seriously, Habs, can you guys cut the heart-attack crap?
Caps fans were pretty friendly, but still, not nearly as knowledgable as the fans up north. Work on this, Caps fans.
Observation: The Caps have done a good job tapping into Ovechkin's marketability. That said, the Caps, even if they had the same record, would not be selling nearly as many tickets as they do without Ovechkin.
Habs did not play all that well Friday night, but they played well enough to win against a good team having an off night. The beginning of the second period was brutal. We got to see plenty of THAT, and it was not fun to watch. At all.
Fun game, lots of Habs fans there, as usual in any city. Saw a woman wearing a Nordiques jersey; told her that was a sweater I could definitely NOT get behind.
Habs players represented by fans: Cammalleri, Koivu, Kovalev!, Roy, Huet, Theodore, Price (LOTS of people wearing that one).
Saturday, November 14, 2009
Fire Bob Gainey
#485 in a continuing series, we examine why Bob Gainey does not deserve to be the general manager of the Montreal Canadiens.
Writing this in the first intermission of the Predators game. Shots during the first period:
Predators: 25. Canadiens: 4
So this is what Bob Gainey has given Montreal: he let Francis Bouillon go so that he could help his team outshoot Montreal 25-4, and be up 1-0.
Nice Job, Bob.
Writing this in the first intermission of the Predators game. Shots during the first period:
Predators: 25. Canadiens: 4
So this is what Bob Gainey has given Montreal: he let Francis Bouillon go so that he could help his team outshoot Montreal 25-4, and be up 1-0.
Nice Job, Bob.
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
In Flanders fields the poppies blow
Between the crosses, row on row,
That mark our place; and in the sky
The larks, still bravely singing, fly
Scarce heard amid the guns below.
We are the Dead. Short days ago
We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow,
Loved, and were loved, and now we lie
In Flanders Fields.
Take up our quarrel with the foe:
To you from failing hands we throw
The torch; be yours to hold it high.
If ye break faith with us who die
We shall not sleep, though poppies grow
In Flanders Fields.
The first line of the final stanza has often been omitted, as many feel it promotes further violence, when the tone of Remembrance/Veterans (nee Armistice) Day is one of reflection; further since the original name denotes a cessation of hostility.
Montreal's dressing room is famous for having "To you from failing hands we throw/The torch; be yours to hold it high."
A quick mention to my Grandfather, a minesweeper in WWII (USN);
My father, Petty Officer Second Class during the Vietnam era (USN);
My cousin, a medical corpsman (USN);
My uncle, who served on the USS Saratoga and witnessed the USS Liberty incident(USN);
And another uncle, who was wounded in Vietnam (US Army).
Between the crosses, row on row,
That mark our place; and in the sky
The larks, still bravely singing, fly
Scarce heard amid the guns below.
We are the Dead. Short days ago
We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow,
Loved, and were loved, and now we lie
In Flanders Fields.
Take up our quarrel with the foe:
To you from failing hands we throw
The torch; be yours to hold it high.
If ye break faith with us who die
We shall not sleep, though poppies grow
In Flanders Fields.
The first line of the final stanza has often been omitted, as many feel it promotes further violence, when the tone of Remembrance/Veterans (nee Armistice) Day is one of reflection; further since the original name denotes a cessation of hostility.
Montreal's dressing room is famous for having "To you from failing hands we throw/The torch; be yours to hold it high."
A quick mention to my Grandfather, a minesweeper in WWII (USN);
My father, Petty Officer Second Class during the Vietnam era (USN);
My cousin, a medical corpsman (USN);
My uncle, who served on the USS Saratoga and witnessed the USS Liberty incident(USN);
And another uncle, who was wounded in Vietnam (US Army).
Monday, November 9, 2009
KK/BB interviews Don Cherry!
We were blessed over the weekend to have Don Cherry graciously sit down to answer some questions. Here are some highlights
KK: Don, the other night you said that New Jersey's perfect record on the road is because of their team's lack of Europeans. What would you say is behind the Avalanche's nearly-perfect record at home?
DC: It's because they got a bunch of namby-pamby European floaters out there who always get the calls from the refs because the NHL is in the back pocket of the European government.
KK: Hmm. Speaking of Swedes, how about that Jonas Gustavsson?
DC: He's a beauty, ain't he? The kid is better than Patrick Roo-wah, or whatever his name is. His eyes remind me of Maurice Richard's, but he's better because he's not some fancy-skatin' Frenchman who won't go into the corners.
KK: Moving on to other great players. Darcy Tucker: Great hockey player or the greatest?
DC: Look, I'm not saying he's the greatest of all time. Bobby Orr is the greatest, and if I were a woman I woulda had his baby. But Tucker's definitely in the top five. And Tronna was stupid to let him go.
KK: So does that mean, since he plays for the Avalanche that he's a floater too?
DC: Now hold on, I said the Avs got a bunch of floaters, but not all of em are like that, ya know? Tucker does what he can, but jeez, he can't do it all himself, ya know?
KK: Tucker has 6 points so far this season, while Paul Stastny has 18, Wojtek Wolsi has 15, and Milan Hejduk has 14-
DC (interrupting) -Look it's not the kid's fault that the coaches won't give him any ice time. They play those Europeans more because they hate good old Canadian boys like Tucker! (Shouting) If he got the same playing time as them, he'd have 50 goals already!
KK: What would you say is the biggest problem facing the NHL these days?
DC: We gotta kick out the Europeans who get all the calls, while good Canadian boys get the shaft. Canadian boys always gotta play five times better, cause they got smaller contracts than these tippy-tappy Eurpoeans with all their fancy moves and what-not.
KK: So would you say the Montreal Canadiens made the right move by sending down Sergei Kostitsyn because of his behavior, while calling up Ryan White and Tom Pyatt?
DC: Montreal is just a buncha sissy Frenchmen and Europeans wearing visors.
KK: Actually Don, only two of Montreal's starting forwards are from outside North America, and only three defensemen. Meanwhile, their Czech goalie has a much better winning record than Canadian-born Carey Price
DC: See, That's what I mean. It's a conspiracy to make Price look bad, while letting Halak get the wins.
KK: Don, if you could be NHL Commissioner, what would be the first rule you would change?
DC: I'd only allow citizens of Canada to play in the NHL, except for Frenchmen from Quebec. They're not real Canadians.
KK: What about US citizens?
DC: They'd have to apply for a waiver and be able to sing the Canadian national anthem.
KK: Don, thanks so much for speaking with us.
DC: Thanks, and go Leafs!
KK: Don, the other night you said that New Jersey's perfect record on the road is because of their team's lack of Europeans. What would you say is behind the Avalanche's nearly-perfect record at home?
DC: It's because they got a bunch of namby-pamby European floaters out there who always get the calls from the refs because the NHL is in the back pocket of the European government.
KK: Hmm. Speaking of Swedes, how about that Jonas Gustavsson?
DC: He's a beauty, ain't he? The kid is better than Patrick Roo-wah, or whatever his name is. His eyes remind me of Maurice Richard's, but he's better because he's not some fancy-skatin' Frenchman who won't go into the corners.
KK: Moving on to other great players. Darcy Tucker: Great hockey player or the greatest?
DC: Look, I'm not saying he's the greatest of all time. Bobby Orr is the greatest, and if I were a woman I woulda had his baby. But Tucker's definitely in the top five. And Tronna was stupid to let him go.
KK: So does that mean, since he plays for the Avalanche that he's a floater too?
DC: Now hold on, I said the Avs got a bunch of floaters, but not all of em are like that, ya know? Tucker does what he can, but jeez, he can't do it all himself, ya know?
KK: Tucker has 6 points so far this season, while Paul Stastny has 18, Wojtek Wolsi has 15, and Milan Hejduk has 14-
DC (interrupting) -Look it's not the kid's fault that the coaches won't give him any ice time. They play those Europeans more because they hate good old Canadian boys like Tucker! (Shouting) If he got the same playing time as them, he'd have 50 goals already!
KK: What would you say is the biggest problem facing the NHL these days?
DC: We gotta kick out the Europeans who get all the calls, while good Canadian boys get the shaft. Canadian boys always gotta play five times better, cause they got smaller contracts than these tippy-tappy Eurpoeans with all their fancy moves and what-not.
KK: So would you say the Montreal Canadiens made the right move by sending down Sergei Kostitsyn because of his behavior, while calling up Ryan White and Tom Pyatt?
DC: Montreal is just a buncha sissy Frenchmen and Europeans wearing visors.
KK: Actually Don, only two of Montreal's starting forwards are from outside North America, and only three defensemen. Meanwhile, their Czech goalie has a much better winning record than Canadian-born Carey Price
DC: See, That's what I mean. It's a conspiracy to make Price look bad, while letting Halak get the wins.
KK: Don, if you could be NHL Commissioner, what would be the first rule you would change?
DC: I'd only allow citizens of Canada to play in the NHL, except for Frenchmen from Quebec. They're not real Canadians.
KK: What about US citizens?
DC: They'd have to apply for a waiver and be able to sing the Canadian national anthem.
KK: Don, thanks so much for speaking with us.
DC: Thanks, and go Leafs!
Friday, November 6, 2009
When you ain't got nothin, you got nothin to lose
And with that Bob Dylan quote, so begins this obligatory review of last night's game.
***
The quote exemplifies how I feel Carey price approached last night's game. Nothing in front of him, no stats worth mentioning, nothing to lose.
***
I have never seen a team return so many gift-wrapped turnovers in my life. Here's my impression of the last seven minutes:
Bruins cough up puck at the Habs blue line.
Odd-man rush time!
Habs make horrible play to give it right back to the Bruins
Rinse
Repeat
***
Habs goal waved off, Bruins goal waved off. Glad neither side can call foul play.
***
Seriously, my keyboard refuses to capitalize the B in Bruins. See? I had to go back and correct it.
***
I may be just projecting, but it seems that when the Habs leave Carey Price out to dry and he gets scored on, you can practically see the word balloon above him saying, "These teammates of mine fucking suck!" He needs to work on that body language. I have had goalies who could barely hide their contempt for their teammates, and it is not a good situation.
***
With five minutes to go in the third, I said out loud, "The Habs will not let Carey Price get a shutout." I hate being right all the time.
***
Cue the obligatory Tim Thomas ridiculous save highlight.
***
That being said, the Habs deserved a loss simply for not scoring on a long 5-on-3 power-play.
***
The Habs deserved a loss, Carey Price deserved a shutout win. The result? Habs win the tie.
***
I am going to use that phrase from now on. A shootout win is not a "win." It's winning the tie.
***
Glen Metropolit is the bee's knees. Every night he outplays everyone else on either team.
***
Yes, Bruins fans, you are allowed to say "If Milan Lucic and Marc Savard had been playing we would have won 5-1." The Habs may not be so awesome, but the Bruins didn't bring their "A" game either.
***
Sick of overtime.
***
The quote exemplifies how I feel Carey price approached last night's game. Nothing in front of him, no stats worth mentioning, nothing to lose.
***
I have never seen a team return so many gift-wrapped turnovers in my life. Here's my impression of the last seven minutes:
Bruins cough up puck at the Habs blue line.
Odd-man rush time!
Habs make horrible play to give it right back to the Bruins
Rinse
Repeat
***
Habs goal waved off, Bruins goal waved off. Glad neither side can call foul play.
***
Seriously, my keyboard refuses to capitalize the B in Bruins. See? I had to go back and correct it.
***
I may be just projecting, but it seems that when the Habs leave Carey Price out to dry and he gets scored on, you can practically see the word balloon above him saying, "These teammates of mine fucking suck!" He needs to work on that body language. I have had goalies who could barely hide their contempt for their teammates, and it is not a good situation.
***
With five minutes to go in the third, I said out loud, "The Habs will not let Carey Price get a shutout." I hate being right all the time.
***
Cue the obligatory Tim Thomas ridiculous save highlight.
***
That being said, the Habs deserved a loss simply for not scoring on a long 5-on-3 power-play.
***
The Habs deserved a loss, Carey Price deserved a shutout win. The result? Habs win the tie.
***
I am going to use that phrase from now on. A shootout win is not a "win." It's winning the tie.
***
Glen Metropolit is the bee's knees. Every night he outplays everyone else on either team.
***
Yes, Bruins fans, you are allowed to say "If Milan Lucic and Marc Savard had been playing we would have won 5-1." The Habs may not be so awesome, but the Bruins didn't bring their "A" game either.
***
Sick of overtime.
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
Carey Price: "WTF?"
This team is in trouble. Who knows whether it's bad luck, lazy play, or some other unseen factors, but the Habs simply aren't winning when Carey Price plays.
Last night, Price played marvelously, and it still wasn't enough to secure the win. Price allowed five goals, largely because his teammates played a brand of defensive hockey that is more often found in over-40 beer leagues than in the NHL. The last one was the killer. Paul Mara decided to leave Colby Armstrong all alone in the slot, opting to cover a man who was already covered. I'm sure the on-ice audio went something like this:
(Mara): "OK Colby, you stay here in the crease, but don't do anything until I get back."
(Armstrong): "OK, Paul, whatever you say."
Think Carey Price was frustrated last year? Now he's playing for a team that won't play for him.
What does this do to a young goalie? He probably thinks it's not fair...and he's right. It is not fair that he has had to shoulder the losses, while Jaroslav Halak gets the wins. Price deserved a win last night, and his team refused to get it for him. True, the Habs play sloppy defense in front of Halak too, but not like they did last night. Last night made us pine for the return of Patrice Brisebois.
Someone needs to find out just why the Habs are determined to wreck the confidence of their erstwhile franchise goaltender. 'Cause where the Habs and Carey Price are going ain't a pretty place.
Last night, Price played marvelously, and it still wasn't enough to secure the win. Price allowed five goals, largely because his teammates played a brand of defensive hockey that is more often found in over-40 beer leagues than in the NHL. The last one was the killer. Paul Mara decided to leave Colby Armstrong all alone in the slot, opting to cover a man who was already covered. I'm sure the on-ice audio went something like this:
(Mara): "OK Colby, you stay here in the crease, but don't do anything until I get back."
(Armstrong): "OK, Paul, whatever you say."
Think Carey Price was frustrated last year? Now he's playing for a team that won't play for him.
What does this do to a young goalie? He probably thinks it's not fair...and he's right. It is not fair that he has had to shoulder the losses, while Jaroslav Halak gets the wins. Price deserved a win last night, and his team refused to get it for him. True, the Habs play sloppy defense in front of Halak too, but not like they did last night. Last night made us pine for the return of Patrice Brisebois.
Someone needs to find out just why the Habs are determined to wreck the confidence of their erstwhile franchise goaltender. 'Cause where the Habs and Carey Price are going ain't a pretty place.
Monday, November 2, 2009
What goalie controversy?
There is no controversy. Put simply: Carey Price is the long-term goaltender for the Canadiens. At the moment, Jaroslav Halak is winning while Price is not. So, for the time being, Halak is the undisputed number 1. But that won't be the case for the long-term.
Hey, maybe Bob Gainey can trade Halak for Saku Koivu. Throw in Sergei Kostitsyn as a bonus.
Hey, maybe Bob Gainey can trade Halak for Saku Koivu. Throw in Sergei Kostitsyn as a bonus.
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